Payola

Are you trying to promote something that sucks?

Designer Squirrel Hat

Allow ME Pearl to take over.

Elephant models Designer Squirrel Hat

Tell ME what you’re hawking and what it’s worth to you. Then donate that amount to ME Pearl, by clicking on a beautiful PayPal button located below. If I deem it enough $, I shall mention, and possibly exhibit, your pie-in- the-sky-when-pigs-fly fantasy.

Hint: Do not insult my intelligence by trying to persuade ME that you have something of value. If that were true you would not have sunk this low.

A Goddess sports DSH

So, send in your money and always remember that Pearl of Opportunity believes in you, in her fashion.


Please know that your contribution will make a major difference in how much Pearl loves you.

No donation is tax deductible.

32 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Dear Pearl,

    I have written a wonderful screenplay called ‘Listen to the Bells and Whistles’. I don’t have any money now but if you will help me get this project to the right people, I will share the profits.
    O.K.?
    Sincerely,
    Taylor Briney

    Reply
    • pearl

      Dear Taylor Briney,

      HA HA HA hahahahahaha ho HO HO HO hic hic Hee HEE HEE HEE Yoyoyoyoyo hic hic hic.
      Spittin’ my Pecan Ensure out my nose. That’s a good one!

      Pearl the Pragmatist

      Reply
  2. Avatar

    Dear (the woman who pearl channels through) and pearl,

    First off I would like to say that this woman is crazy and needs a 72 evaluation at a close mental institution. I pray for you woman. Do you worship this pearl??? I would like a reply, PLEASE!.

    P.S. You really need help…
    P.P.S You are very entertaining!

    Reply
    • pearl

      Dear Natalee & Baylee~
      I highly recommend that you keep checking in and figure it out for yourselves. I’m sure you can and you’ll be glad you did.
      The Pearl

      Reply
    • Avatar

      Definitely at least 5149 -1/2.

      Reply
  3. Avatar

    I have to say that I have watched all of ur videos and I absolutely idolize you .. Youre amazing and funny I love how u just throw everything on the floor and I love how u care about animals too and won’t take anyone’s crap ur amazing keep it going would love to meet you one day seriously

    Reply
  4. Avatar

    I have just come across your video. I love the way you have made them they are the best things I have seen in a long time. I can tell you care about your animals. I think you are fantastic and you need to keep making your video’s. I like the other guy would love to meet you.

    Reply
  5. Avatar

    Hallelujah.

    Now all I have to do is come up with a really bad idea, and some money.

    I’ve only just discovered your site, via a friend’s link, so thank you in advance for your wonderful wit, wisdom and weirdness. ‘Tis truly a blessing.

    Amen,
    Patrick.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Duck and cover, Baby, duck and cover.

      Your Pal Pearl

      Reply
    • MEpearl

      When you come up with that money, Patrick, a really bad idea is to send it all to Pearl. It’s a no-brainer so just do it.
      Welcome aboard!
      Captain Pearl at your service

      Reply
  6. Avatar

    knock knock?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Who dat scratchin’ at my tree?

      Reply
  7. Avatar

    i think squirrels are cool and pretty and they’re very talented at lots of things

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Especially spotting ghosts. You are welcome here.
      Have you anything not past its expiration date? Love offerings gladly accepted.
      Pearl is an equal opportunity despot.

      Reply
  8. Avatar

    I rehabbed an opossum that was dumber than a rock but she was my best buddy. She died last year and I miss her dearly. Coalie was my “darling idiot” and everyone loved her like me.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Not the sharpest pumpkins in the patch.
      It has been said that possums know all they need to know to be possums….
      but one has to wonder. But so endearing, to humans if not to squirrels.
      The P

      Reply
  9. Avatar

    Stephen Colbert had a segment with an astronaut. In it he showed a picture of his Service Opossum. I laughed and laughed. When I went to look for it on YouTube I found your views on the same topic. So that’s how I discovered you.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Mr. Werley,
      Thank you for bringing this to our attention. This is the second time that Mr. Colbert (at least his writers) have lifted material from our channel.
      And they shall know dread and regret when the Squirrel of Wrath descends upon them.

      Reply
  10. Avatar

    You are very very funny….and I love that you bring light and love to those darling Opossums…amazing creatures.

    Reply
  11. Avatar

    Do opossums and squirrels seceretly run the human race and bend it to their will?
    Good content thank

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Squirrels more than opossums. HELLO ! 1

      Reply
  12. Avatar

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE possums and I LOVE LOVE LOVE, you because you love possums,

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      You’re easy, Mike

      Reply
  13. Avatar

    dear godess pearl,
    i have been gaining the trust of squirrels at my school for a few months now, do you have any ideas on how i can help them crusade to convert other students to worshipping you? please tell georgette and the opossums that i hope you’re all doing well 🙂 thank you for your time my queen

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Sophia!
      I do not encourage recruitment. All will come to ME in their own time.
      On this side of the veil all are very well indeed. Thank you for asking.
      As to the meaning of life; LET GO and you will see for yourself. In the meantime, I am.
      Love Always,
      Pearl

      Reply
  14. Avatar

    Hey pearl just wanted to say that I love you and your opossums, I hope you are doing well and have a good day

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Nicole~
      Thank you for making ME happy.
      Pearl

      Reply
  15. Avatar

    Pearl, i spoke in fake language to my wife during an argument just to prove she doesn’t listen to me when i speak. As i suspected, she continued her nagging. How do i bring this up again if she doesn’t listen or speak the fake language i made up on the spot?

    Completely serious, and yes this is 100% true,

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      We love spontaneous languaging and bravo for having the skill. But the real issue here is that you are not listening to her or she wouldn’t have to “nag”. Unless it’s outrageously inappropriate, just do what she asks and let harmony reign. Pearl knows best, Neh scappa din Froodle and Plinny fin truffinalorial sangin a gwot. Your Pal P.

      Reply
  16. Avatar

    Dear Pearl, I feel I have come to the party quite late, but may I just say how utterly fab-u-lous u are? It is highly reassuring that there are still people over there in the ol’ US of A who have, how shall I put it? Serious funny bones. As a Brit may I humbly applaud yr contibution to the ironic, the sarcastic and the absurd? (with hearfelt prayers to my lord Brian, aka the sadly missed Terry Jones RIP) in a hard week here, what witht he death of Our Lord Brian, and the imminent Brexshite, thank you muchly for some real belly laughs. Yours faithfully, sincerely, and humbly, Lynne (akak Mrs Madrigal) xxx

    Reply
  17. Avatar

    Hi, ME Pearl,
    Do you have any tips on how to shelter in place with possums? Worried about the coronavirus. Also, can humans catch coronavirus from possums?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      No worry about virus from possums. Stay safe and binge on 10 years worth of ME Pearl.

      Reply

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