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Pearls of Wisdom: Advice from a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything

Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity who created the universe and longs to open it up for you!

Welcome to ME Pearl

Pearl de Wisdom loves you, in her fashion. And you love Pearl.  SURPRISE!


The recent solar flares have interfered with transmissions from beyond and have halted transmissions from PEARL de WISDOM!



Pearls of Wisdom: Advice from a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything

Pearls of Wisdom

Advice from Pearl de Wisdom –  a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything
Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity who created the universe and longs to open it up for you!

Pearl de Wisdom loves you, in her fashion.
And you love Pearl. SURPRISE!

You are to be congratulated on finding this site. This is where Pearl de Wisdom explains it all for you. When All Else Fails, ASK PEARL. Write in with your own concerns or simply read Pearl’s advice to others. It all comes to the same As The Tail Ends.

Love offerings welcome.

You will know when the time is right. Meanwhile, tell Pearl what is on your heart. Talk to ME. Pearl of Compassion who understands all things and will respond. ASK PEARL now!

Pearl de Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice. Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

Due to overwhelming popular demand, by readers who don’t have a clue what is going on here, I am including a brief temporal autobiography of ME, Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria.

I AM A DEAD SQUIRREL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING and pines to share it with YOU. I lived for 10 years as a non-releasable in So. Cal, and gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French. Plus, I absorbed vast amounts of information through my 7 senses, tuned beyond anything you can yet imagine. And the rest I make up.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern psychic squirrel.
Croaking only increased my power and lovability factor.
You can ASK PEARL anything
Confide in ME, Gentle Reader; unburden your soul.
Pearl wants to hear from you, NOW.
The big pink human who was my earthly caregiver and is now my channeler is, to put it kindly, a bit of an albatross.
I listen to Seth and Abraham complaining but HA!
their challenge is nothing compared to ….well,
don’t get ME started.
Just write to ME.
Every category gives you the opportunity.
Pick your favorite, or visit them all, and let’s get to know each other.


Ask Pearl de Wisdom

Pearl de Wisdom
is unavailable due to disruptions outside of our control!

Let me squirrelsplain this to you…

THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl de Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl de Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl de Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.


Pearl de Wisdom
is unavailable due to disruptions outside of our control!


  1. Pearl Necklace

    Dearest Pearl,

    How do we really know if the Earth is round or if it is flat?

    Pearl Necklace

    • MEpearl

      It’s actually six dimensional.
      You’re welcome.
      Pearl, the Omniscient

  2. Cuban_Pete

    Dear Pearl,

    I have finished my education and am looking to enter the workforce yet could really use some career advice so I don’t have to live in my parent’s basement when I’m 35. Thoughts?


    • MEpearl

      The answer is in your very name, my friend. You are called to be a teacher of terpsichore.
      They call you Cuban Pete, You’re the king of the rhumba beat
      when you play your maracas you go
      chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom
      Yes sir you’re cuban Pete, You’re the craze of your native street
      when you start to dance everything goes
      chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom
      So If you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete,
      and I’ll teach you to chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom.
      You’re welcome.

  3. TheOneWhoIS

    Dear Pearl and Georgette.
    Let me say from the begging that I know that you know, it’s in your eyes, in your words, and in your deeds, the high awareness.
    I’m writing to you because I’m flat out stagnated on my path, the heavy cup I’m carrying gives me very heavy thoughts about the need of achieving world peace but the source doesn’t give me an answer on how to get out of this maze to achieve it (yet), all doors seem to be closed. I can’t be complicit in the way humanity is going right now, no matter the cost. Did you encounter such barrier yourself? Can you give me advice?
    At the end I wanted to add that people always say positive things about your character as a person and that is good of course, but they often can’t understand, or sometimes even see what YOU do, they are what they are of course, can’t be blamed. I wanted to thank you for what you do for the animals ( therefore for whole earth ), and your clever sociological approach of educating everybody.
    Peace and Love for all.

    • MEpearl

      Dear One~
      This will either come as a disappointment or a great relief but either way it’s true.
      It is not up to you to achieve world peace. That is not your story, that is not your path,
      that is not your cup…drop it.
      When the Source doesn’t answer and all doors are closed then it’s time to move on to something else.
      Something less heady. Be wise, not stubborn. Be like the squirrel and view things from on high.
      Go up, One, up up up above the trees and onto a cloud. Clear your mind of where you think humanity is going
      and look down. Just watch for a while. You don’t need to say anything, or do anything. Just observe.
      There are more things in heaven and earth, One, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
      Don’t ask Source how to do what you think you should be doing, rather ask Source what you should be doing.
      The answer will come and it will surprise you and please you because it’s what you WANT to be doing more than anything.
      You just haven’t seen it yet.
      Oh, and don’t skip any steps.
      Pearl loves you and believes in you……so lighten up and let your spirit soar.

  4. Philm

    Pearl, I’m getting Married!!! is there any way I can get a statue of you to have at my wedding so all my guests can pay homage to you.

    • MEpearl

      Possibly. What are you marrying? A statue of ME is contingent on my approval of you and your event. I could even show up in person but that would take all focus from you on your special day. Many ME Pearl items are currently being designed and may be available for the wedding…if you and your betrothed believe in long engagements. If fact, why don’t you just postpone the wedding until I am ready. Once I’ve got the darling ducklings all lined up I’ll let you know and you can proceed. Just take a wee breather and, who knows, someone better may come along. If not, nothing lost. And do invite Georgette. She’d like to be a member of the wedding party, O.K.? How about a marzipan cake that you can send home with her? Yes, yes, this is looking better all the time. Congratulations to your would-be spouse of whatever stripe. And Mazel Tov to you, Philm.
      Your Pearl

  5. Tharenoom

    You are a genius!! Love your videos!!

  6. Bailey

    What’s the meaning of life? Also what is a rodent’s out look on life in general, I would like to understand my gerbils thoughts better.

    • MEpearl

      First off, your gerbils are not like other rodents. They are strange and that’s on you. Check in with an animal communicator and find out what they think of you and want from life. The purpose of life is simple; kindness to all living creatures, except ( and here I have a list. You can have a list, too. Just write down all the beings you dislike and why. Look at it often so you never forget.)
      And always remember, Pearl loves you unconditionally

  7. Dear Pearl

    I am home now. Do not be afraid. Everything will be ok in the end.
    Love from Mummah J

    • MEpearl

      Dear Mummah J,
      Welcome. No one is afraid in this space between worlds where everything is already o.k..
      Pearl loves you.

  8. Melissa Evans

    Hello,Pearlie my darling,
    I love your PM’s Siamese opossum. I haven’t seen that rare creature around here, but it reminds me of five kittens I gave up last week. I wish that I can see Piggy, my favorite, when she’s grown. Currently the mother Jelly Bean is in the other room, Abbie is drowsing on my lap, and Joseph is grooming himself: the vet called him “the Brad Pitt of cats” and it’s true. I hope your pink mama will consider the name Pomme Frite. Your m, always

    • MEpearl

      Pomme Fritte is a splendid moniker and we shall save it for just the right creature. Sadly, Georgette is delusional about the Siamese opossum. She can neither keep nor release him as he is on loan from her local animal shelter. Seems he came in too young and sick to survive there and she was asked to home care him until he was healthy and old enough to be put up for adoption. Of course the shelter did not realize that he was a rare Siamese opossum which ups the ante significantly. He’s healthy now (my ministrations)but needs another two weeks of growing before he goes ‘up for grabs’. I’ll plant the seed in Piggy to fly home for a visit now and again.
      Your darling Pearlie Mae

  9. Zaney

    oh wise and gracious Pearl, do you have any advice with seeing ghosts? should i talk to them? they seem nice but i’m a lottle shy and i would like your advice!

    • MEpearl

      You’ve certainly come to the right squirrel, Zaney, for I, ME Pearl, am the definitive ghost. Speaking to us is good but feeding us is even better. We like angel hair spaghetti and divinity fudge.Your ghosts have manifested for the express purpose of giving you confidence. They bring you an opportunity to practice your assertion skills. But never forget to be grateful and acknowledge their beneficence.
      The All-Knowing Pearl.

  10. Donald J. Trump

    I need help dealing with this place called North Korea. Big Problem. Many people have died. It’s terrible. Just Terrible. Do you have any tremendous advice, not that I need it, I just really, really, want it. Blessed be. Thank you for your divine advice. I hope you gave me the evangelic vote, because I totally got the evangelic vote. Much love.

    • MEpearl

      Glad ya came to ME, Donnie. About time! I have three major concerns about North Korea, the red squirrel, the Siberian flying squirrel and the Siberian Chipmunk. They are not in any particular danger but if you,
      with all your power, and influence, can get them put on the endangered species list, it would be good. The world just treats you better if you’re on that list. And you are about to be put on the list, Donnie. Yup, endangered species.
      You say that many people died. Well, many squirrels died, Donnie. Did you ever think of that?
      I kinda feel about you the way you feel about North Korea. But you have had the wisdom to come to ME, the source, and that says a lot. Keep coming back, you have a lot to learn. BTW, I dig golf courses, too.
      The Main P.

  11. juniper jones


    I have a few questions.
    (1) What is your real name? The name of the woman being possessed by the squirrel?
    (2) Can you just be straight up and tell me if these videos are a joke? That’d be great.
    (3) If they’re honest to Pearl not a joke, you do know you’ve lost it right?
    (4) Do you live alone? Who films your videos??
    (5) Why do you randomly see an elephant in the room?
    (6) Why do you say “bye” like 17 times at the end of your videos?

    Best regards,

    • MEpearl

      Ah Juniper, Juniper, Juniper~
      Your questions reveal that you have missed the essence and purpose of ME Pearl. But you are a seeker and that is good. Take time, go deep and think about what it is you REALLY are wanting to know and Pearl will help you find the answer.
      And BTW, an elephant in the room is never random.

  12. Ann

    My opossum is still trying to bite my cats. He is 6 months old now. When I’m inside with him I will watch TV in bed with him and my cats. He will walk up to them and try to bite them while they are sleeping. I need help. I can’t risk my cats getting bite nor can I release him because he is tame. I don’t feel like I should give him to a wildlife rehab because he is tame and will still try to bite other animals. I fear they will kill him. I need help.

    • MEpearl

      Wildlife Rehabilitation Centers are generally made up of compassionate people with more helpful options than the general public.
      If you can’t keep him separate from the cats and he’s the designated casualty, then I recommend a wildlife center. May Pearl be with you, little possie.

  13. Ar Ciela

    Thank you compassionate ME Pearl. You are as delightful as rose tea with a chilly sunrise.

  14. George Kovacs

    Georgina Spelvin? The devil in miss jones star. Didn’t she have a bad ending?

    • MEpearl

      The history of the Spelvin tribe, Georgette, Georgina and George, is a long and checkered one.
      Pearl, who knows all things

  15. Ar Ciela

    Dear sweet ME Pearl…

    My dear, I have two inquiries. I do wish to become a famous singer, share my dreams to be a part of the gentle evolution of this solar system… but I fear I haven’t been too confident in composing new material and sometimes wonder if I am just dreaming the impossible. . I am also to decide if it is ok to go back to escorting, prepared with meditation, yoga, and vegan lifestyle to keep inner squirrel alive. I feel I can make an epic story out of this, and si could see myself as Gaia while seeing clients… perhaps it could give me the inspiration I need… and the money to do necessary things. Que piensas?

    • MEpearl

      So interesting when the answers are in the question. Learn all the lyrics to ‘The Impossible Dream’ and make it part of your inner repertoire.
      Since you are living the vegan lifestyle (and Brava!!!) your sensitivities are heightened and it’s important to take loving care of yourself. Something to think about; Gaia is being raped repeatedly. Just look at the extraction of fossil fuels. Setting yourself up as Gaia will not protect you. We must all protect HER.
      Forgive ME for pontificating. Your Pearl

  16. Yassandra Smith

    My roommate keeps trying to kill me for free college tuition! What should I do?!?!

    • MEpearl

      Start setting your intention for what you would like to be next incarnation. I HIGHLY recommend a squirrel. Bye.

  17. Pika Johnson

    In your wisdom I seek an answer to my confusion. I suffer with manic depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety. After being diagnosed I was prescribed two different medications. After discovering your holiness, I have realized that I no longer need to rely on modern medicine, because all of my faith and health will be determined by you. I hope to hear from you so I may have some feedback. I would also like to know that my faith pleases you.

    • MEpearl

      Peek-a-boo Pika,
      Your faith might please ME if you hadn’t turned it over to a quack first.
      Who diagnosed you with BOTH manic depression AND bi-polar disorder?
      Forget labels others give you and remain passionate about those you create.
      So glad you no longer need the meds. Now just wrap up those lil’ action figures and mail them to ME at ME Pearl Enterprises.
      My staff knows just what to do.
      Since you are turning your health over to ME, the first order of the day is to clean up your eating habits. You do so know what I mean. Yes, that! And that.
      Proper nutrition is key for you, my friend.
      Pearl Loves You~

  18. Ann


    • MEpearl

      Are you sure the cats aren’t starting it?
      Are you expecting them to share anything, like bowls, beds, or affection?
      Are you expecting the opossum to behave like a cat?
      The opossum in question must feel threatened in some way. Remove the source of the threat to remove the offending behavior.
      Pearl du Simplicity

  19. Matt

    I want a Pearl hoodie 😀

    • MEpearl

      You’re killin’ ME here, Matt.

  20. MrWalleye

    I think I’m in love with Pearl 🙂

    • MEpearl

      Of course.
      You do realize that Pearl is a squirrel, right?

  21. Muffet Smil

    HI, MEpearl, I was wondering what to do if i am feeling like a tortoise inside?

    • MEpearl

      Dear Muffet Smil,
      You’re not so much feeling like a tortoise inside as craving a secure hidey place where you can retreat and feel safe and recover from the stresses of the world.
      Pearl gives you permission to claim such a space as yours alone. If you can’t have a room of your own, a refrigerator packing box may do the trick.
      Good Luck my sensitive friend. Pearl understands.

  22. Sillysara

    What are the best side dishes for opposums? Also what’s a good dessert to prepare? Also what meals would you prepare for 4th of July? Thank you!

    • MEpearl

      Please see “Proper Opossum Gourmet Cooking” on Youtube.

  23. Temmie

    My name is Temmie! I was wondering why the squirrels outside and they started fighting so I went to help them.
    But sadly when I got there they ran away!?!?! Is there anything I can do to help them? I am really worried!
    Thank You,

    ps ( I love your videos )

    • MEpearl

      Dear Temmie~
      Thank you so much about caring for us squirrels and wanting to help us. The truth is we have pretty unsettling mating rituals which is probably what you witnessed. If a lady squirrel ‘has a headache’ she may leave a trail of bloodied suitors in her wake. And if she is willing the fella may be short on woo and opt instead for “Stay still or I’ll tear your ear off”, which happens more often than we like.
      Plus…there may be rivals for M’Lady’s affections and very few abide by the Marquess of Queensberry Rules. Perhaps one day. Meanwhile it’s a free- for-all out there during mating season but there is nothing on the planet cuter than the result.
      Pearl, Provider of Information on any Subject

  24. Johnathon C

    Dear Pearl,
    My opossum bites my hand everytime to see if its food even though i wash them. What do you recommend to teach him its not something to eat.

    • MEpearl

      Essentially it IS food and possums are very clean so washed hands are best. If you feed ‘your’ possum something s/he likes better than hand, like avocado and walnuts, you will probably emerge unscathed.

      Pearl, Provider of Pithy Information.

  25. Funny Bun

    Dear Pearl, The snakes are attacking the squirrels in my community. Oh wise Pearl, please help me with this terrible occurrence. If you give me advice, oh wise Pearl, I will pay YOU in acorns.
    Funny Bun

    • MEpearl

      That must be difficult to see, Funny Bun. Just as many squirrels attack snakes. It’s well documented.
      We’re still working it out. It’s a long and arduous process but by the end of the world Squirrels and Serpents will be
      Pearl, Prophet of Peace

  26. Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

    Help! The tree squirrels in my backyard came into the house last night and took my corgi Holly! Opossums sometimes eat these squirrels, so should I check for Holly’s remains where the opossums live? I want to set up a shrine with Holly’s remains in hopes that he will join you, Pearl, and become the wisest corgi there ever was. Pearl of Wisdom, could you resolve the problem of these Opossums and corgie-nabbing squirrels? Willow, my other corgi, waits by the window for Holly every night. I know Willow will be at rest when Holly returns or when Holly’s spirit has been risen and Willow can be enlightened. Thank you, Pearl, squirrel wisest.

    – Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the worried staff at Buckingham Palace

    • MEpearl

      You’re barking up the wrong tree, Queen. Missing dogs have nothing to do with wildlife…usually. Follow the standard protocol; post signs all over the neighborhood and keep in daily contact with the local shelter. Microchips were designed for occasions like this. Hope your dogs have them. If not, get Willow chipped immediately. Meanwhile, I’ll keep an eye out in case Holly shows up here. Good Luck.
      Pearl, Empress of the Universe

  27. JacelynW.

    I love watching all of your videos with my opossum Hermes. I have become fixated on marsupial life, and I aspire to reach your level of opossum knowledge. However, I am torn between my love for Hermes and my love for Francis, my fiancee. He has not taken well with the fact that I have an opossum; he thinks they are pests, “tiny little rats from Satan himself.” I have actually seen him abuse Hermes, and although I have addressed the issue, Francis will not stop hurting him. How would you recommend taking care of this conflict? Thank you.

    • MEpearl

      Dear Jacelyn~
      You know what you have to do. If Francis is abusing animals how long before he starts abusing you?
      Seriously, dump the dude and protect your own.
      Seriously. Zero tolerance for animal abuse. Unless it’s dressing them up in the occasional period costume. Then you can
      BTW, we love the name Hermes!
      Your Pal,

  28. thePizzaisAggressive

    i had a turtle named Jareld the turtle who committed suicide after his best friend Phillips the snail jumped off of the Empire State Building and Jareld couldn’t bare it so he killed himself. I don’tt know how to cope with this death. Please tell me how to to get over this, oh wise pearl.

    • MEpearl

      Dear tPiA,
      Jareld did not jump. He was pushed.
      P de W

  29. Ash

    Dear Pearl of Wisdom,
    when will we be able to buy merchandise showcasing our eternal loyalty and servitude to your cause? I would so love to be able to display my neverending devotion. But it seems the website selling Pearl-themed clothing has gone dark!
    Sincerely, your servant

  30. kate

    Pearl and Georgette,

    I am enamored, enlightened, and elated by your wisdom. Your kindness in communicating with this plane and sharing your impressive perspective is inspiring in itself. Thank you, from the bottom, top, and all corners of my heart.

    All best,
    Kate the Great

    • MEpearl

      But of course.
      Your perception is duly noted and we are adding points to your permanent record. Oooh, what was that in July of 2013? Uh ooh, August of 2012 got a bit dicey, didn’t it?
      Well, never mind. Pearl Loves You.

  31. Jacob

    Hello wonderful pearl i was wondering if you could answer this for possum in in love with another possum and i was wondering if i should let them be together.

    • MEpearl

      Hello Wonderful Jacob~
      Love is fleeting but 13 baby possums are here to stay.
      A captive mother possum is in no position to teach her yungins how to be wild possums. If one or both possums have been altered for health reasons and require permanent care giving then they can be housed together but supervise carefully for the first week. Seeming amorous attentions can turn unpredictable.

      Thank you for caring.
      Your Pal, Pearl

  32. Elana

    so you are saying that you just pretended that pearl was dead

    • MEpearl

      First of all I AM Pearl and I have been ascended for 7 years.
      In the video ‘ME Pearl Explains ME Pearl’ there is a baby squirrel who appears to have accidentally expired but that later proves to be untrue and she shows up happy and healthy as ever.
      The human in the videos is Georgette and she answers to ME.
      We don’t kill anything around here, quite the contrary. We believe in the sanctity of all life and are committed to protecting it.
      That doesn’t mean I don’t have my favorites…
      Praise Pearl and Party!!

  33. Elana

    Hello great and powerful pearl I have a question. Did you kill a squirrel in your epsoide when you showed

    • MEpearl

      Hey Elana~
      I understand your question even though unfinished. If you watch the episode in question to the very end the answer is revealed.
      Spoiler alert: OF COURSE NOT!

  34. Skwern

    I never leave comments anywhere.

    I just have to say, as someone who is obsessed with squirrels and was just profoundly impacted by the existence of such a site,

    thank you.

    You have turned my day around. I am smiling with unabashed joy.

    All hail the wonderful Pearl.


    PS – May I be your disciple?

    • MEpearl

      ME, too, Skwern~
      Smiling with unabashed joy.
      So happy we connected.
      As for being a disciple of ME, it’s a process. We vet hard.
      Please submit likeness of yourself; photo, poem, paw print, blood panel,
      whatever best reveals your essence. Special consideration given to actual squirrels and
      pygmy marmosets. Good Luck.
      Pearl, the Grand Golden Poobah of Everything and Everything Else

  35. Jay

    Hello…I need your help and advice
    … How do I make him eat vegetables??

    • MEpearl

      Hi Jay,
      If you want your possie to eat veggies consider steaming then blending then mixing into cooked mashed chicken livers.
      You are kind to be rescuing this abused creature.
      Think more in terms of ‘encourage’ than ‘make’.
      Your Pal, Pearl

  36. Ashley

    Dear Pearl,
    what is a suitable Christmas present for a squirrel? What do they like? I know they like nuts, but I want to splurge and get something a bit fancier for the special (not in THAT way, just a friend) squirrel in my life. you being a squirrel and all, I thought you would have a good handle on what squirrels prefer. Please help!
    Sincerely, your servant Ashley

    • MEpearl

      Dear Servant ~
      You MUST start thinking in terms of Pearlmas presents. With that established, all squirrels appreciate itty bitty fleecy onesies.
      Thank you for asking.
      The Big P.

  37. Wonder

    Hello to everyone at! I am a big fan but am worried as I haven’t seen any updates in quite a while. And the holiday season is coming up and I want to spread the word and buy some Pearl t-shirts! Can you give a holler and let us know you are all fine! And open up the gift shop for us holiday shoppers, please!

    • MEpearl

      Thank you, Wonder~
      Pearl has done everything short of inflicting physical pain to get the store up and running but helas, to no avail. Perhaps one day in a galaxy far far away (not from ME, of course).
      We shall announce the grand opening should there ever be one or should the fancy simply take us.
      Thank you for your interest.
      Your Pal Pearl

  38. bananahouse69

    Dear Lord Pearl,

    I am Leon the Fish of Wisdom. I am here to establish my dominance over the animal kingdom, both physically and spiritually. I passed away after trying to escape from a local zoo but was once the most intelligent Fish of my species. I now find my self more powerful than ever, possessing the ability to float through walls and communicate with other spiritual beings. As I linger in the afterlife I find my power only grows and my followers only increase. Surrender all power now and join me on my journey of transcendence.

    Best Wishes,
    Leon the Fish of Wisdom

    • MEpearl

      Been there, done that.
      Pearl loves you~

      • majroj

        Never give in. Never surrender.
        (Or, flop over, close your eyes, bare your teeth and play you-know-what).

  39. Sharata

    Dearest Pearl who fills us all with wisdom,
    I have a human boy problem
    What size tranquilizer dart do you recommend?

    • MEpearl

      Depends how tranquil you want him.
      Or is this more for taxidermy purposes?
      Devil’s in the details, Deary.

  40. Carly

    Hello lovely Pearl,
    It is a blessing to connect with you. I was just wondering your opinion on the existence and purpose of the Illuminati? How do our overlords intermingle with you? It seems likely that you have entered that realm of mystery and I believe your thoughts on it would be enlightening.

    Thank you for your guidance,

    • MEpearl

      You are quite right, Carly~
      I have and they are.
      Guidance for you, dear one, requires simplicity although the Pearl fully appreciates your preference for complexity.
      The overlords have become irksome and are no longer invited to mingle with the ME.
      But you are welcome as the buds of May. Your heaven needs but a single squirrel. Once this settles you will realize it is cause for rejoicing.
      Be happy. Have a nut!

  41. Vanessa

    Dear Pearl,

    I am like your number one fan, but is this whole dead squirrel cult thing legit??? I thought it was but my bro says you’re just a genius comedian. I really want to know!!!

    • MEpearl

      Dear Vanessa,
      First, thank your bro~
      Then come into mes furry wee bras, Petite Chou. Let Mama Squirrel embrace you.
      Not only is ME Pearl ‘legit’, it is Truth, itself.
      Look within and know that it is true. Tithe and validate that knowledge.

      Getting back to the comedienne remark…
      Most folk don’t think of dead squirrels as particularly funny.
      But your bro, now that guy’s en pointe.
      Pearl loves you both~
      Sometimes it’s ALL true.

  42. Bin Pam

    Beloved Senorita Pearl,
    how can I avoid dogs

    • MEpearl

      That rather depends on what you are, Bin~
      If squirrel, stay high.
      If sea creature, little problem.
      If human, why would you?
      The great Pearl is baffled.
      Rescue ME, Bin

  43. Yourandom

    What do you do in your spare time?

    • MEpearl

      HaHAHA HAAHAAhahahaaa, PONDER

  44. Charles Wigman

    Dear MePearl, I have a question about your faith.

    Should I follow the teachings of Pearl?

    I love your videos and website
    -Charles Wigman

    • MEpearl

      It’s more a question of your faith, Charles.
      Should you?

      The Divine P

  45. Whoopi G

    Lord Pearl,

    Are you running for president? And, where can I find cheap acorns?

    • MEpearl

      Hey Whoopi G~
      President would be a bit of a come-down but you can always think of ME as a write-in.
      Buy the best acorn you can find and plant it.

      Pearl the Pragmatic

  46. Peyton and tori

    what is your thoughts on georgette?

    • MEpearl

      Not happy. Not happy at all. Georgette is unworthy of ME, expect that’s clear. She seems to be the only one who can hear ME so I’m stuck. Well, there was this punk rocker who dropped acid in the 60’s but he was missing most of my subtleties. Pearl is nothing if not nuanced.
      Why do you ask, Peyton and Tori?
      Are you candidate channelers? Oooh Oooh, that’s exciting!
      Pearl, Prophet with a wonky voice

  47. Lafondarhonda

    Help I have rabies

    • MEpearl

      Don’t look at ME.
      Can’t pin it on a possum.
      Any chance it was self inflicted? You’d be surprised how often that happens.
      If that’s the case, take three crickets and write ME in the morning.
      Dr. Pearl, on your case

  48. Poobah

    I’m starting to believe that squirrels are extremely attractive. Whenever I see one, my flatulence increases and I let it all out. How do I deal with being infatuated with such majestic creatures?

    • MEpearl

      Hey Poobah,
      Did you mean to say ‘inflatulated’?
      Haha hahahaha hee hee Ho ho hic hic hic.
      Pearl loves a good word-play.

  49. ashley

    Wise Pearl of All Oceans,

    please help me!!
    how can I try to get myself to reincarnate as one of your loyal slaves, someone who shall be able to directly serve you at all times!!!!?

    your servant always,

    • MEpearl

      Well, Ashley, you are consistent.
      Answered a similar request from you on 5-24-13.
      Don’t go to the trouble of trying to get yourself to reincarnate as something … Not gonna happen. Just BE the thing, like my slave.
      Good choice.
      First task is to go about the world encouraging wild habitat conservation and discouraging hunting and the ill-gotten gains that result.
      If that works well come back for your next assignment.

      Your Mistress and Queen,

  50. chicago mike

    i am very attracted to your intelligence, beauty and wisdom. I would like to become your favorite trusted assistant. I am handsome, smart and extremely capable of completing any tasks u assign to me.

    • MEpearl

      You’re a squirrel, right?
      ‘Cause otherwise, it’s a little weird.

      Pearl de Wisdom, g.g.p.e. (Grand Golden Poobah of Everything)

  51. Carravaggio

    The old guy downstairs thinks we’re just a group of “entitled college chicks” and we’re quickly approaching finals, do you have any sage advice for how to confront this incoming storm?

    • MEpearl

      Dear Carravagio,
      No sage advice for confronting the storm, only for averting it.
      How does he even know you are there?
      Sounds like damage control time.
      Bake him a lovely nut souffle and leave it at his door with a card apologizing for past annoyances and promising to study quietly henceforth.
      The storm you foresee is the storm you are creating, like Prospero in Julie Taymore’s Tempest (not just any ol’ Prospero).
      Don’t do it. Look at the bigger picture with a squirrel’s eye view. What is your goal, Carrivagio? How can it manifest to the honor of all?
      Nobody appreciates a good entitled college chick better than ME. You are loved, my darlings, unconditionally!
      Your foe will collapse under kindness. They all do.
      Your Pal Pearl

  52. Saaaanuuuuuteeeerium

    Mirror stares back hard
    “KILL”, it’s such a friendly word
    Seems the only waaaay
    For reaching out AGAIN!!

    • MEpearl

      Try it as a Haiku.
      You’d be surprised how that process tends to clarify your thinking for yourself, those around you, and ME, presuming you are seeking a response.
      Pearl, Fearless Interpreter

      • Saaaanuuuuuteeeerium

        Fear of living on,
        Natives getting restless now,
        Mutiny in the air,
        Got some death to do

        • MEpearl

          Delete ‘Mutiny in the air’ (it’s mildly redundant, anyway) and you have a fine Haiku.
          Pearl, here to inspire the poet in all of you!

          • Saaaanuuuuuteeeerium

            Moon is full, never seems to change
            Just labeled mentally deranged.
            Dream the same thing every night,
            I see our freedom in my sights.
            No locked doors, no windows barred,
            No things to make my brain seem scarred,
            They keep me locked up in this cage,
            Can’t they see it’s why my BRAIN says “RAGE”?

            • MEpearl

              Dear Lullaby of Screams,
              The current rage is to engage
              with ancient sages kept in cages
              well defined within the limits of your mind.

              You will escape or die
              before the next new moon in Gemini.
              Or not.

  53. Veronica

    Pearl I was wondering if you could help me. I am in love with a certain chipmunk who comes on my deck every night. How do I get myself to reincarnate as a chipmunk so we can be together??

    • MEpearl

      Dear dear Veronica,
      I urge you to think this through.
      By the time you have managed a chipmunk incarnation (no easy peasy, that), your chipmunk friend will likely be a water ox in the Mei Cong Delta.
      Enjoy your time together on the deck sharing almonds and blueberries. It doesn’t get better than that.

      All good things are coming your way if you just relax and allow it.
      Pearl the Prescient

  54. Wanderer

    Hello there Pearl.

    I am wondering what you would do in my shoes. I am not sure weather to go down the road less traveled or the road thats easier.

    Thanks xoxo

    • MEpearl

      Greetings Wanderer,
      You are wise in understanding that much depends on your shoes.
      Open toed stilettos or flip flops definitely beg the road that’s easier.
      Let ME know where you wander on your road to ME.
      All roads lead to Pearl, eventually.

  55. Rivers

    Dear Pearl, I was wondering if you still sold shirts? I have shown your videos to many friends who also wish to purchase shirts. Thank you for your eternal wisdom and entertainment. sincerely, Rivers.

    • MEpearl

      A duplicate answer to a duplicate question from one of life’s true originals.

      Even though Pearl is perfect, her minions are not and that Georgette~ don’t get me started.
      Seems our merchandising outlet collapsed and we are busily scurrying about manifesting another.
      You should be able to wear ME (and drink from ME and write with ME) before this season’s babies are out of the nest.
      No fair shaking the trees!
      Pearl, setting all things right, one solar system at a time

  56. Curren

    I am struggling with my dog. She like the cat next door and not me. MePearl HELP me I need guidance

    • MEpearl

      Hey James~
      What does the cat have that you don’t, besides the attentions of your dog?
      Is it an aloof attitude? An easy purrrrr? A half eaten mouse under the door mat? Cats are tough competition. You must enter their world, play by their rules, beat them at their own game. Ha Ha Hahahahaha Hee hee heeheehee Hic hic
      Good luck with that.
      Professor Pearl

  57. scallion

    I’m really struggling with my faith at the moment…I really want to ask you if you’ve seen the face of God? Does it rain in heaven? How can I know I am a true apostle?

    • MEpearl

      Oh dear,
      I fear you really do not know where you’ve landed.
      The only apostles around here are apostles of Pearl
      Please come back when you’ve stopped struggling and are ready to play.

      Pearl with a fabulous face and a foot and a few layers of fat.

  58. Steve Koc

    love your videos, just discovered them, too late for your contest but had to submit:
    Possum Haiku

    Djembe and Opossum
    The D and O are silent
    or are they really

    • MEpearl

      That’s REALLY good, Steve~
      You coulda been a contender.

      Pearl, the Impressed

  59. Laurel, Pressley, Peyton, Tori

    dear Georgette,
    we have watched all of your videos and we worship you. We saw you had Pearl pajamas, and we truly want to know where to get them! please don’t stop making videos! forget the haters, do your thing girl:) say hey to Apples for us!
    your biggest fans

    • MEpearl

      Thank you, Ladies,
      But please do not worship me, Georgette. Pearl is She who Must Be Worshiped.
      It’s pretty frightening otherwise.
      As dictated to ME Pearl, who manages the comments~
      So wake up and taste the almond paste!
      ME Pearl has an empire to fill. Don’t get sidetracked by a pretty face, a pair of fangs and a fat rat tail. Possums are only the come-on.
      Squirrel is the Essence of Everything. If you don’t believe ME, ask ME.

  60. Violet Blac

    I have loved your videos more than anything that exists on youtube. Will you be making more?

    • MEpearl

      Thank you, Violet~
      We are very much looking forward to making more videos when the time is right and resources are in place.
      Everything revolves around the love of Pearl. EVERYTHING.
      Your appreciation is key to our continuance, as it is to yours. I hope you express appreciation every time you recognize something or someone as adding value to your life. Doing so serves to make the whole world better and to make you an increasingly powerful Being.
      Wishing you much light and a multitude of wild squirrels to brighten your days.
      Pearl loves you~

  61. Dog

    this is dog.

    • MEpearl

      this is squirrel. Now what?

  62. Jessica a.k.a "emerald dragon"

    Oh magnificent wondrous pearl,
    I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a pickle. You see, I have a big report to do for college and I’m having trouble concentrating due to my opossums new infatuation with the neighbour’s mongoose. You guide me through this earthly life pearl, please bestow your wisdom upon me.
    Sincerely, Emerald Dragon.

    • MEpearl

      Hey E. Dragon,
      Reframe your report to make the desired argument through the eyes of a mongoose.
      This is a time honored tradition, especially in Bolivia, and will hold you in good stead through the remainder of your education.
      Beware of overuse.
      The P

  63. Cat

    You are my idol

    • MEpearl

      Back attcha, Pussycat!
      Now listen up; no more hunting and stalking and hurting My Belovededs.
      Are you a super-smart cat who can help me solve a problem for the ages?
      Eons ago as I was sharing the creation of creation with others of like-mind (or so I thought) there were too many cooks in the kitchen.
      Somebody came up with the idea of a food chain. Worst idea EVER! Have been waiting for it to pass.
      Pearl wants all happiness for all beings. What delights the feline palate that doesn’t want to get away? Parsley and roasted pepper? Pommegranates?
      Please taste test a variety of options and design a menu for the most discerning of felines.
      When in doubt add a soupcon of pecan puree. That should be added to ‘Rules to Live By’.

  64. 0possumluvr23

    plz take christmas glamour shots with pear

    may the pearl be with u

    • MEpearl

      Sadly the shot would not be very glamorous. Sweet Pear has passed over the Rainbow Bridge and come home to ME. But we all celebrate Yule on both sides of the veil and all is sure to be merry.
      Pearl of the Seasons

  65. eleanor donnellan

    Hello wonderful pearl , I have a serious issue that only You can answer … I’m writing all the way from Ireland. All my life I’ve wanted to meet an opossum but unfortunately they don’t reside in this country.I was wondering if you would know the closest place to meet an opossum. Ps,my cat thinks he’s human and won’t accept that he’s a cat.

    • MEpearl

      Greetings Wonderful Irish Eleanor,
      The Key to Happiness is lowered expectations. You may quote me on that.I suggest that you settle for a badger or an Irish otter.
      When you’re not near the one you love, love the one you’re near…and all that.
      Pearl Loves you~

  66. Audrey

    Hello Pearl!
    I am in 9th grade and I really like this boy his name is Sammy he’s really cute and has loads of friends… I don’t have any friends so it’s hard enough to talk to regular people let alone Sammy! Do you have any advice about talking to people? I don’t have any animal friends because my mom is allergic to fur. I’m completely alone and my grades aren’t that good eaither. My parents are divorced and my relationship with them is horrible, I never even talk to my dad anymore and my brother just god in a horrible car crash. I don’t know what to do, I’m always sad but your videos make me happy so thank you for that. Anyways do you have any advice on how to be happy?
    Thanks 🙂

    • MEpearl

      Audry ! Audry! Audry!
      The first thing you must do is change your email name. Anytime you see or think of it you are diminished. Choose a powerful, lofty, squirrel-worthy name to represent you.
      As to getting on with people; rule 1) Have an exit plan, 2) DON’T BITE 3) Ask questions and let them do all the talking while you eat their food.
      Your mom may be able to tolerate poodles or Chinese Crested Temple dogs or hairless cats or the ever so delightful hairless rats. Animal companions are core to you humans.
      My true love is also named Sammy, if you don’t count that scoundrel Stockton du Pres. It’s a treacherous thing to give your heart to the male of the species.
      Pearl says don’t. Wait for the heart that is offered to you.
      Find the most fun thing at school (like carpentry, or woodworking) and throw yourself into that. Friends will appear when you’re having fun.
      Take comfort in the knowledge that this may well be the worst year of your life.
      You will prevail, dear one. I feel your connection to Source. Write ME anytime.
      Pearl Loves you and understands that your heart is about to be broken~

  67. Ellen

    Hello pearl! I’ve spent my entire day watching your videos and it really gave me new energy. I have a tiny puppy named paula dean and I’m worried because my mom is threating to give him away. I need to find a safe place for us! Thank you!love,

    • MEpearl

      I’d recommend running off to Louisiana. It’s kinda tough with the swamps and gators but your dog’s name might carry some clout.
      Good Luck.
      Peal the Compassionate


    Ive been watching all of your videos for a while now and I really like your stuff, but the other day I was driving and I hit a small animal…what do I do now? What is life?

    • MEpearl

      Duck and cover, Baby, duck and cover.

      Your Pal, Pearl

  69. ChrisPolitoFanSquad

    Also, I love you.

    • MEpearl

      And Pearl loves you, Chris!

  70. ChrisPolitoFanSquad

    I think I feel myself slowly turning into a marsupial. What is the best course of action?

    • MEpearl

      Breath and Allow~
      Breath and Allow~
      But remember, Squirrels have more fun. Just sayin’

      “Be a Squirrel
      Be a Squirrel
      All the world loves a Squirrel…”
      Your Pal, Pearl

  71. Samantha

    Hello Pearl, I think the website you have your clothing merchandise for sale on is closing. Will there be another place to get MEpearl merchandise from soon?

    • MEpearl

      Thank you for alerting ME, Samantha.
      It shall be attended to at the earliest opportunity.
      Just what ME Pearl merchandise interests you? The ME Pearl Empire must be ever expanding and we are pleased with your reminder.
      Pearl the Appreciative

      • Samantha

        I absolutely love the hoodies!

        • Samantha

          More specifically, the print that says “Never make an moral judgment on an opossum”

          • MEpearl

            Delighted that you are enjoying your hoodie and that you understand the profound implication of the slogan.
            Your Pal,

  72. Shannon

    Hi pearl! I was wondering what the name of your religion is? I’m so interested in you and your beliefs!

    • MEpearl

      The name of the religion is ME Pearl.
      I believe in ME and so can you.
      Welcome Home, Shannon.
      Pearl Loves you.

  73. sqirrellover07

    What should I do if I run over a opossum on the road?

    • MEpearl

      Best not to.

  74. Gregorio Armeni

    New videos… WHEN?!

  75. Hank

    Hi :> “Never forget that you will long remember the choices you make now and their consequences. Be kind and be careful.” I had to reply after reading that to say you are one beautiful wise being! that helped me more than you know….thanks :>

  76. NoOneLovesMe

    Dearest MEPearl,

    I desperately need a new female since my last one left me for her roommate. She was the only lover I’ve ever had and now that she’s gone I feel broken and unable to find a new lover. I am 20 years of age and am an innocent virgin. It’s embarrassing when people ask me when I lost my virginity and I have to lie or else be ridiculed. How do I acquire a female? I need love.. and loving.

    Sincerely, N1LM

    • MEpearl

      Dear No One Loves Me,
      You’re probably right.
      Pearl loves you, but only because she has to. Otherwise, you’re on your own, kid.
      Pearl, the All Loving

  77. Natlyrace

    I am starting college in a few weeks and was wondering if you had any advice for adjusting to a new environment.

    • MEpearl

      Hey Grace,
      Keep plenty of nerds by your side and nuts in your pocket.
      Never forget that you will long remember the choices you make now and their consequences. Be kind and be careful.
      Let Nature be your cherished teacher. Spend time with those who make their home in trees. We know stuff.
      Keep ME posted, Pal!

      ME Pearl, when a parent just isn’t enough

  78. Toni

    Oh dear god, please tell me this is for real! This is the greatest thing I’ve seen all month!

    • MEpearl

      Of course this is for real.
      Your dear
      Goddess Pearl

  79. Jake From State Farm

    PEARL! Can I just say! You are inspiring!!! I love you! Your works are amazing and I would love to see more videos!!! Any tips on getting my first opossum?

    • MEpearl

      Thanks, Audrie
      Tip # 1 on getting your first opossum: Don’t.
      Instead you could volunteer at your local wildlife sanctuary and learn to care for many species, like the best one; squirrels.

  80. Maddy

    Me again. Hold on, I haven’t made a choice yet. What would a dead squirrel be doing with my money?

    • pearl

      Well, it wouldn’t be your money any more, would it?
      Keeping up the empire, wildlife rehabilitation, more hoarding, squirrel spa day, making the world a better place, pretty much whatever I deem prudent.
      Donate in perfect love and perfect trust and then just leave the financial details up to ME.
      Give with no expectation of return and you will know Squirrel. And you might get a mug, but don’t count on it.
      It’s best not to over-think these things.
      P de W

  81. Maddy

    So if I decide to donate to ME Pearl (still not understanding this whole shebang), I would be giving money to a dead squirrel?

    • pearl

      Essentially, yes.
      Please consult the yellow buttons conveniently located at multiple locations throughout the site.
      Good choice, Maddy!

  82. sincerely yours

    I have fallen in love with a man whose parents do not want us to be together because we do not have the same beliefs and we are not the same ethnicity. I have tried to reach out to them, but they fake illness so that they won’t speak to me, or to make their son feel guilty. We are grown adults, and should be able to make our own decisions, yet they hold us hostage by their prejudices and ignorance. I am so desperate for a solution or any idea on how to solve this.

    • pearl

      Dear Sincerely Yours,
      You have written your own solution. You say ” We are grown adults, and should be able to make our own decisions”. Well, you ARE able to make your own decisions and it seems that you are deciding to be held hostage by his parent’s prejudices. MAKE ANOTHER DECISION. His parents are not responsible for your happiness, YOU are. If he loves you back then be together. His parents will come around or they won’t. All you can do is stay loving and keep the welcome mat out and dusted. If, however, the gentlemale in question is choosing his parents over you (and there may be good reason for this), then move on, my friend.So much love and life awaits you. Never stay stuck, says Pearl, says Pearl, la de da, lala, la de da, lala

  83. Jessica

    My roommate and I think there’s a spirit in our room! It’s been making sounds and messing with the lock on our door!

    What do we do Pearl?

    • pearl

      Odd, Jessica~
      Ordinarily a lock would be of little interest to a spirit.
      Are the sounds kind of chatterry? It might be Ratty and Jay Jay from Maryland.They’ve been considering crossing over but they are very young souls and could easily get sidetracked. Here’s a trick few know; New spirits leave tracks, so-sprinkle flour all over the area where you hear the noises and by next morning you should know what you have. If it’s a flamingo you’ll know you are blessed with good luck and a prosperous new year.
      You’re welcome.

  84. Pearl's Apossum

    Almighty Pearl,
    When asked out on a date, how do you politely say no I don’t really want to go anywhere with you because I feel uncomfortable?
    Your Fellow Sexy Squirrel,
    Pearl’s Apossum

    • pearl


  85. Tyam

    Where did you get your opossum? Whats its name and age? Are you a mystic or psychic or on medication for menal illness? I just dont know based on your videos if your ill or just having fun. Either way they entertain us.
    Thanks please know i mean no offence just asking what others wont.

  86. Zarathustra

    On some occasions I feel a little squirrely myself. Does this mean I could be developing foresight, hindsight and/or second sight? Some people have said that I am a sight. What do you think they could mean? Anxiously awaiting your sage observations.

    • pearl

      Hello Zarathustra,
      Our sage observation is that your true question is not yet formulated. Meditate until you know what it is that you seek, then ask and we will shed all kinds of cool neon light and wisdom upon you.
      Pearlie Krishna Mae

  87. Leanpapa

    Are you on that good kush and alcohol?
    Also how did you find your human after your squirell days?

    • pearl

      What’s good kush?
      Was well settled into my human’s head before I left the plane so very little changed for her. There was no ‘finding’ necessary because there was no ‘losing’. And so it shall be for you.
      Pearl the Omniscient

  88. Emillia

    Hi, i am Emillia and i am just wondering if the tips here also work for other animals, if yes, can you breed an opossum with a cat? I know, it sounds crazy.

    • pearl

      Hi Emillia,
      Pearl the Pragmatic

  89. The Doctor

    Hello. I’m The Doctor. I’m an intelligent and logical guy that has been studying at a great high school and I have eminent goals in mind, but I was watching television when I came across one of my favorite comedy shows. The first video I saw was entitled “Proper Opossum Pedicure”. Out of instinct, I cautiously searched the web for the video. I found this website and it has sent me into a literal spiraling vacuum of confusion upon arriving. Can you please clarify to me what the intention of this website is? It appears to be either an advice column for the insane or a cult of some sort, as I have seen evidence of both. I mean no offense to any of you. I just want a clear and justified answer…
    Thanks, The Doctor

  90. Ginger Flake

    Pearl of Great Wisdom~
    I’m suffering simmering broils whenever I go to meditate.
    Soooooooooooo mad at someone. How do I find peace without indulging my baser inclinations?
    Your trusting friend, Ginger (about to snap)

    • pearl

      Dear Ginger Snap,
      You are burning Karma. Feels terrible but will be over soon. Would suggest leaping through trees for relief but that has proven ill advised for some of our human friends.
      Couragio, Ms. Flake. You will prevail.
      Pearl, privy to your future~

  91. pearl

    Hey Pearl~
    How long does it take to get to where you are?
    Your alter ego

  92. IridescentLamb

    Oh hey gwurl!

    MePearl, we call upon you to pilgrimage to the motherland, Williamsburg, VA. There are many of our kind here, and by our kind I mean squirrels. We need you to lead us to overthrow the greedy pink humans that dwell here. Also, what is your favorite song? Also how do you throw dinner parties? Thanks again and hope to see you soon!

    P.S. Also, where do you think my path in life will lead me?
    P.S.S How will I do on my MCAT?


    Yours truly,

    IridescentLamb (aka Iri)

    • pearl

      Williamsburg VA? Maybe. I have a beloved, Stockton DuPres, who still haunts Kentucky. He’s dedicated to overthrowing greedy pink humans. I simply wait until they make their transition and then, well, you don’t want to know…..
      We don’t care how you do on your MCAT. We would prefer that you take a VCAT or, wiser still, a WVCAT. ME Pearl will help you with the rodentia section.
      I was featured in a recently published book entitled ‘A Home For Pearl Squirrel’ by Amy C Johnson, which explains why I never give dinner parties.
      Thank you for asking and inviting. Your pal Pearl

  93. Lost and not found

    I myself have gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French and find myself less enlightened (and, oddly, slightly more hungry) than pre-gnawing. Is there a more specific recipe for enlightenment for mere mortal humans, or are we doomed as a species?

    • pearl

      Less enlightened, perhaps, but when you speak in a foreign language, or simply a foreign accent, the content value of the palaver is, well, almost inconsequential, n’est pas?

      You are not doomed as a species but your position on the food chain is due for revision. Tous les animaux du monde rire et rire et rire .
      Pearlie Mae suggests you add hickory and watercress to your diet. And STRAWBERRIES. We intuit you would benefit by consuming large quantities of strawberries. Don’t argue.
      Your Pal P

  94. AServantOfPearl

    Oh great and powerful MEPearl,
    I wish to please you. I wish to dedicate my life to you as one dedicates their life to a deity. I wish to be the source of your greatest happiness. I wish to write songs about you. I wish to paint you. Though I know no form of art may even remotely capture your greatness. How can I please you, oh MEPearl? From this point on, my body exists to be your instrument of servitude!

    • pearl

      Of course you do and Bully! But let’s look at a few specifics.
      “I wish to dedicate my life to you as one dedicates their life to a deity.” This is redundant.
      “I wish to be the source of your greatest happiness.” Well, dear, only I can be that, don’t you know.
      “How can I please you, oh ME Pearl?” Use sending $ as the default. People tend to get peevish on that point but when one is bold enough to ask the question Pearl can be no less than omnihonest.

      Yes, yes, I do inspire art and literature and music and why not choreograph me a ballet at some point? You certainly have the right idea. Double Bully! Bully! Bully!
      Your body offering is swell but I’ll require your psyche as well, capisce?
      In for a penny, in for a pound, tra la tra la.
      Welcome dedicant.
      And if you ever need anything, anything at all, just work it out.
      Your everything~

  95. HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom

    Oh, great and powerful ME Pearl.
    This question is in regards to my need to make money vs. my grandmother’s wishes. Twice a week, I donate plasma to attain a total of $65. However, my grandmother has asked me not to as she thinks it’s dangerous. My problem is I have fines and other expenses I need to pay. Should I proceed to donate plasma for $ or disobey my grandmother? I need the money, but experience tells me that disobeying my grandmother will have dire consequences.
    Your affectionate knowledge seeker,

    • pearl

      O.K., HeWho, Here’s the skinny~
      You and your grandmother have a long and complex relationship going back millennia. In doing a brief scan I see that some unpleasantries in Troy during the 11th century BCE may leave her still wanting some of those platelets for herself. Don’t ask. But do offer her first dibs on your blood and you may turn a prettier profit than expected. You’re welcome. And no, your family is no stranger than any other.
      Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.
      ME Pearl

  96. Jules Higmann

    My boyfriend, Travis (Trav), and I have been going out for 7 months now. I thought we were both in love and very committed… But… My friend, Dana said she and her beau Matt were at the mall and saw Trav with a girl I don’t know! Should I believe Dana? Should I confront Trav? Should I break up with him? Prom is around the corner and I don’t know what to do about the boyfriend situation!
    Please respond ASAP!
    <3 you and your videos,

    • pearl

      Dear Jules,
      There are sisters and cousins and friends and mentorees and personal shopping advisors (perhaps he’s looking for a gift for you) and countless reasons to be seen in a mall traveling with Travis. Besides which the great and powerful Pearl suggests that he doesn’t need a reason to be seen in public with not you.
      Are you really willing to deny yourself the right and freedom to be in a mall with another boy under any circumstance that you deem prudent? Really?
      Pearl implores you to think this through.
      If he wants to go to the prom with you and you want to go with him then GO, by all means. Although why you wouldn’t prefer zip lining through some glorious majestic deciduous forest is a mystery.
      Did you know there is a famous ‘suicide forest’ in Japan? Don’t go there. That would make a really bad date.
      Pearls to Ponder

  97. HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom

    Hello dear, sweet ME Pearl.
    The following question is regarding a problem I have and have had since age 10. Please don’t laugh or poke fun. It regards a fetish I have. Since age 10, I have fantasized about being shrunk. I attempt to bring up shrinking in conversations with strangers or relatives, usually my mother or her mother. I record conversations with said grandmother to aid in.. gratifying myself at a later time. My question is, what do you think is the cause? Do you think this is unhealthy? If so, what can I do to stop? If this is obscene I apologize. I need wisdom on the matter, and I hope you can offer said wisdom.

    • pearl

      How old are you now, HeWho?
      The obvious cause is your longing to be a squirrel, which is perfectly normal and a sign of superior intelligence.
      The problem arises when faced with the reality that you are NOT a squirrel (I presume).
      Rent the film “Honey I Shrunk the Kids”. It’s fraught with the perils that your shrunken little self would face. BTW, you’re grandmother is probably taping the same conversations for the same purpose, herself. I’ve seen it before.
      Have a nice day, HeWho, and thank you for writing in.
      The P

      • HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom

        Dear, MEPearl
        I am currently 19-years-old. Forgive me, but I do not believe I wish to be a squerrel (not consciously, anyway). I have seen the film Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, in fact, it’s what I normally bring up to strangers to get them on the subject. I have brought up the movie twice, and both times it was successful in conjuring conversation on the matter. One with my English professor, one with the manager of the local plasma clinic. On an unrelated topic, is it ok for me to ask you a large number of questions? I have so many to ask you, oh great ME Pearl. Love your’s and Ms. Spelvin’s videos.

        • pearl

          Hi HeWho,
          Not a large number, no. Being OverSquirrel of this and all planets is time consuming and labor intensive. Pearl loves you but, you know…….Start with the most dire and we’ll fix that right on up. Then you may feel spiritually complete. I have that effect of folks.
          Your Pal, Pearl

  98. Wolfgang

    Pearl, how can we come to be aware of our innate love for you in all our moments? We feel you in moments of reverie and despair, but can your grace be realized in the mundane?

    • pearl

      You ask enlightened questions, my friend and follower. Your innate knowingness has alerted you to the reality that the prescient and preternatural Pearl is simply not crazy about the mundane.
      If you must traverse those paths you must go it alone and graceless. Ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” Remember that ‘A day without Pearl is …well, it isn’t a day at all, is it?’ Before getting drawn down the dark road of dull, think of ME and do something spectacular!
      You’re welcome.
      The Priceless Pearl

      • Wolfgang

        The Pearls wisdom is indeed limitless. The mundane seems to be merely a shroud for the overwhelming brilliance of existence. I suppose we couldn’t function if we experienced all of our moments to their full glory, but the glimpses and the knowledge that there is far more concealed beneath the curtain makes me truly grateful for Pearl.

        • pearl

          Yes, yes, yes, Wolfgang,
          I am all that and more. Now tell Pearlie Mae what’s chewing on your toes.
          Pearl, the Sourse of all answers wise, and other-wise

          • Wolfgang

            The omniscience of the Pearl once again astounds me. Toes are indeed the source of all my unease, but not my toes. I find that I cannot reconcile the feet of chickens, I cannot accept reptilian feet in concert with feathers. It doesn’t bother me in other birds, only chickens.

  99. Corinne Hunter

    I am 13 years old and I have a crush on a boy. Should I tell him or have him make the first move?

    • pearl

      Hey, Corinne~
      So much depends on what species you are.
      Watch to see if the male in question becomes more beautiful than you. If you are humans, forget it. Any other species and your crush has been answered.
      If you are a squirrel, however, don’t count on attracting too much at age 13.
      Good luck, my friend~
      The Big P

      • napoleon bonaparte

        Gentle lovelorn one,

        Lo these many moments ago [yesterday to be exact], I gave sage advice to one of so tender an age as yourself. I said, “Oh, beautiful one, do you not know that the human male does not grow a brain until (at the earliest) the age of 21. Concentrate on school and teaching Russian to your cat. You will find it so much more fulfilling.”

  100. Cartesia Brown

    God Bless Peach the Possom. P.s. I am wondering which sauce my possom, Cantaloupe, would like best with his chicken liver patee food? He is getting frisky when eating it and I need a way to spice it up for him. If you could help that would be fab.

    • pearl

      Cartesia is a spectacular name!!! All hail Cartesia.
      And Peach appreciates the blessings.
      We are having trouble believing in Cantaloupe, however.
      Thank you for connecting. Pearl loves you.