ASK PEARL

by | Apr 6, 2010 | 1,139 comments

Let me squirrelsplain this to you…

 

THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

1,139 Comments

  1. Sarah

    Hi Pearl, I’m not feeling to well and my shoulders ache a lot. Do you have any remedies? For shoulders pain?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Drop the rock. Seriously. Think about it.
      Love, Pearl

      Reply
      • Abraham jingles

        Hey Pearl,
        I love your show
        How do I convince my non possum loving friends to accept the furry saviours into their hearts?
        I’ve tried giving them possum facts, and sharing my feelings about possums with them, but they still see them as ugly chaotic creatures.
        How do I share the cosmic light with them?

        -Abraham

        Reply
        • MEpearl

          Thank you Abraham~
          Your friends will come around when they are as advanced as you.
          Pearl loves you.

          Reply
  2. Robin Love

    There is a female possum in my yard w/ bloody wounds on her neck. Is this normal from mating or is she injured?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Rule of thumb; blood should be on the inside. The appropriate places to contact are Wildlife Rehabilitation Centers, Veterinarians, Animal Shelter.
      Facebook has opossum rescue and research groups. Go online.Post pictures to them. This site is primarily for entertainment purposes. What you describe could well be a serious medical situation. Thank you for caring. You have more work to do. Don’t delay.
      Pearl Loves You.

      Reply
      • Cody Bohlender

        Do you think a possum has seen your videos?

        Reply
        • MEpearl

          Many. Of this I am certain.
          P.

          Reply
    • Chazza

      My friend has slight psychic abilities and he’s wondering if he dresses up like a possum Will his powers increase?

      Love your YouTube videos, keep up the good work!

      Reply
      • MEpearl

        Unlikely.

        Reply
      • Karma

        What do I do with my life?

        Reply
        • MEpearl

          Help others, be kind, and stay alert to the inspiration guaranteed to come your way.
          You’re welcome. The Big P.

          Reply
  3. Anne Pheago

    Soooo is there a Facebook page for MEPEARLA? Or only a YouTube channel? LOVE THE VIDEOS! AMAZING!!❤️

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Thank you for asking.There is a ME Pearl Facebook page but only for creatures who knew ME when I wore flesh and fur. Otherwise I love and laugh through Youtube and this site. Glad you found ME Here.
      Thank you for your kind words.
      Your Pal, Pearl

      Reply
  4. Christa Smith

    I have a Possum who keeps taking off with my arlo camera. I used to think it was because it is the size of an egg & white. I covered it with a black cover. Possum still took it. It leaves it under my deck (where he shelters). Any idea why he carries off the camera? I can message or email u video if u would like to see the “theif” in action.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Hmmm, what could be the motivation for dismantling a home security system? Hmmm.
      Evidently your boy wants privacy. P.

      Reply
  5. Melt

    Hi Pearl.
    I have a really good squirrel friend named Betty. Maybe you know her? Technically I think she does by “Betty, Queen of the South.”

    Anyway, Pearl, I’m being scanned tomorrow for suspected lymphoma. Have a lot of the symptoms, but I’m younger than the average diagnosis. What do ya think?
    Maybe my body just sucks in a totally non cancerous way.
    Betty won’t answer.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Dear Melt~
      Your body does NOT suck. It provides and it teaches. We’ve all heard ‘your body is your temple’ but it’s also your best friend and ally. YOUR best friend and ally.
      The WORST thing you can do is set up an adversarial relationship with your body. Stop that NOW. Mutual support. Mutual support. Think about that. ‘Betty, Queen of the South’ doesn’t doubt her body. She takes full advantage of the joys it affords her. (Nothing compares with the happiness of a squirrel. But I digress.) If and when the body changes, the spirit adapts but you always work in tandem. Couragio! Pearl and Betty love you.

      Reply
      • Melt

        Thank you, Pearl. I do take your point and I’m doing what I can to remain positive. No scans yet, because my insurance has decided to be difficult! I’m pretty certain Betty predicted that one.

        In any case, I’m trying to distract myself and I liked the cut of your jib, so I doodled a thing in your honor instead of doing the other things I’m obviously meant to be doing. Please enjoy,

        Melt

        https://postimg.cc/svLGY4jQ

        Reply
        • MEpearl

          Love it! Thanks. Encouraging others to check it out.
          Blessings,
          Pearl

          Reply
      • Luke

        Hi Pearl,
        I’m starting college soon and I nervous about moving away from my friends and family. I’ll be moving to a very forested area for school, so I’m wondering do you have any advice for making new friends of the human or animal variety?

        Reply
        • MEpearl

          Keep pockets filled with fruit and nuts.
          That should take care of everybody.
          Be grateful to share the forest!!!
          P

          Reply
  6. Devin

    Are you god incarnate Pearl? Is Georgette only but your puppet to spread your wisdom?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Fine question, Devin~
      First, Goddess includes God. The reverse is not true. So, as the all encompassing deity I would rightfully be considered Goddess (of the Universe). As for ‘incarnate’, the too too solid flesh melted away decades
      ago. Being dead has only increased my power and lovability factor.
      Georgette who? Oh, yeah, right. Umm, sure.
      Blessings,
      Pearl

      Reply
      • Devin

        I am sorry goddess, I accidentally typed god instead of using the correctly gendered term. Please don’t smite me, your humble follower. On another note, a question upon a question, because you are infinitely powerful can you grant wishes? I would wish for the funding to build a giant church with a large statue of your likeness. ME Pearl deserves the recognition of the world, and more followers than Jesus himself.

        Reply
        • MEpearl

          Hey Devin~
          I don’t grant wishes because people then tend to change their mind. You know the old adage about only wanting what you can’t have.
          The church and giant likeness to which you refer already exists. It’s not a competition. Jesus and I are tight. Have you seen the painting ‘Jesus and the Twelve Opossums? Google it. We provided the opossums. Actually we lent Him two but Jesus being Jesus…..
          But we really like your thinking. Carry on. The P

          Reply
  7. debra

    my friend elle wants to know if the pretty lady is single she says she’s a gilf 🙂

    Reply
  8. Monika

    Hey What political views do possums have if any? What are their thoughts on Bidens dog?

    Bless be

    Amen

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Possums are anarchists who disdain dogs of any stripe. That said, Biden’s dogs appear healthy and well cared for.
      An old dog will never look like a youngster nor should they. That said, Down with Dogs!
      The Pearl

      Reply
  9. Lulu C Grimalkin

    Hi Pearl,

    I baked a loaf of banana bread in your name and came to ask for your blessing. It turned out very well so I hope you enjoy it. Also I was asked to let you know that you’re officially revered as part of the Discordian pantheon in the newly established position of Guardian Goddess of Wildlife. We were running out of place so we had to force some minor deity into retirement to make place for you.

    Worshipfully yours,
    Lulu

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Thanks, Lulu, but Goddess of the Multiverse is the only title I need.
      Blessings~
      Pearl

      Reply
  10. Kat

    What food does a possum enjoy the most?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      That’s like asking ‘What food does a person enjoy the most?’ Both are omnivores with eclectic tastes.
      Nuts and grapes are pretty popular. Grubs are a delicacy.

      Reply
  11. Charlene

    Deer Pearl,

    Do you know when Covid-19 will end?

    Sincerely ,Charlene,

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Yes

      Reply
  12. mooshie squiggle

    Dear Pearl,

    I am an undergraduate Anthropology & Religious Studies major and I focus on spirit mediums in my research. I study a bit of media studies too. The school I go to requires me to do fieldwork terms which are just experiential learning outside of the classroom. I’m trying to find out what I will do for this summer. My friend just showed me your website and channel and I’m extremely interested in learning more about you and your medium and possibly doing some ethnographic research under you guys. Ethnographic in that I could come to you as fieldwork, or if not maybe we could do research over zoom if that works better for you guys. If you are interested, I will try to apply for grants and all so that I can compensate you guys for your time. Maybe I can use the grant to buy a lot of nuts. So, I am wondering if you would be interested in me studying under the two of you and writing about you guys? Of course I would collaborate with you two, and of course you would be part of the process of representing yourselves and I will not write anything you do not approve of. If you guys are interested, I can send you my resume, transcript, and some of my writings so you two can see how I think. I also want to reassure you, (since this has been a concern for other mediums that I have asked to do research under) that when I’m studying under you I will not be testing whether this is legitimate or fraudulent, but rather simply I am attempting to understand you two more through your guys eyes. I don’t know if you’re interested in having an ethnographer by the name of Mooshie Squiggle to be working under you guys, but in the odd case that this is of interest, let me know please. If you have any questions, or want to know more about me, feel free to reach out to me via email. Thank you so much, looking forward to a response!! >:-)
    -Mooshie Squiggle

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Dear Mooshie Squiggle~
      What you suggest would not be feasible for us at this time. But I’m glad you wrote because we have a very valuable suggestion for you.
      Never ever for the rest of you life say ‘you guys’ again. Seriously. Do not write it, do not speak it, do not think it.
      Using ‘you guys’ detracts immeasurably from your message and your credibility. Following this suggestion will improve your life in ways you cannot imagine. You’re welcome. Blessings, Pearl

      Reply
  13. Annu

    Dear Pearl,

    I do not know if you still respond to these, but my friend wishes to know something.
    ‘What is the meaning of life?’ they ask.

    I myself have no questions, but my birthday is in 10 days, may I get a happy birthday?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Happy Birthday, Annu!
      There is currently a book underway called ‘Pearls of Wisdom’ in which I, Pearl de Wisdom, explain succinctly the meaning of life. I could tell you here but it would irk the publisher and possibly cut down on book sales. Book should be coming out in December. All will be revealed.

      Reply
    • obby

      pearl, how did you rise to power?

      Reply
      • MEpearl

        Helium and Chutzpah

        Reply
  14. Holly Jo

    Dear Pearl,
    I would love to photograph you in a photo-journalism-fashion. If that is ever of interest, I am semi-local and enchanted by you. I found your advice to “drop the rock” to another writer especially helpful today. Thank you for all you do oh wise one
    xo Holly Jo

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Dear Holly Jo, Glad you found the advice helpful.Taking pictures of ME could prove disappointing. As often as not I don’t show up in the finished product. It’s a phenomenon currently under investigation. But I will keep this magnanimous offer in mind. Your Pal, Pearl

      Reply
  15. Patrick

    Hi Pearl,

    I was wondering if cats and opossums get along. I think that perhaps one day, if I come across an orphaned opossum in need, that I might care for it for a short time until someone more qualified can arrive. However, my only concern is whether my cat and the orphaned opossum will get along or not. Any pearls (hehe) of wisdom?

    Thank you,

    Patrick

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Hi Patrick~
      In general yes but in the scenario you describe I wouldn’t chance it. Not with a joey, or baby. Also, don’t wait for a more qualified person to ‘arrive’. An ill, injured or orphaned opossum needs quality care from the get-go. Thank you for caring but a good rule of thumb is “If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t do it.” Your Pal, Pearl

      Reply
  16. Miss Dheg Dheer

    Hi Pearl.

    I am deathly afraid of snails. If I catch sight of them it is enough to induce a panic attack, just typing this out is making my palms sweaty. Doe you have any advice to overcome this crippling fear O Great One?

    xx
    Long Ear

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Just think how afraid they must be of you, and for better reason. They get scraped off the sidewalks and rooted from their homes and thrown into boiling water, or whatever one does to make escargot. Have sympathy and pity for them. Be very grateful you are not a snail. That should help. Pearl loves you.

      Reply
  17. Giacomo

    Hi Pearl,

    What do you think – will I ever move to Hawaii and open up a restaurant on the beach?

    Lots of love,
    Giacomo

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Dear Giacomo~
      Either that or you’ll move to Domar Tibet and open an oxygen bar. Ask yourself; Do I want the road to Paradise or the road less traveled?
      P.

      Reply
  18. Spektrometer

    Hi, Pearl! How are you feeling today?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Bright eyed and bushy tailed. Thanks for asking.

      Reply
  19. Ravina

    Hi Pearl,

    I thought and practiced what you advised to me a year ago: to simply but emphatically say “NO” to the memories that bother me deeply; and it worked (but what else could I expect from Pearl)! But now that I am free, I also feel lost. What is the first step to living life again?

    With all devotion,
    Ravina

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Ravina~
      Writing to ME is an excellent step at any time. You ARE living life. Now it’s time to add some FUN.
      Ask your friends what they do for fun and join them. No fear. You can do this while remaining introverted.
      Pearl loves you.

      Reply
  20. Jennifer Marie Burrows

    Hi Pearl,

    I have no idea how I ended up here. But fate has a funny way of revealing itself. I have a cat named Quincy Cornelius who often transcends basic cat behavior. He talks to us, plays fetch, and often has his tongue sticking out. Is he of a higher knowledge than us mere mortals? Please advise.

    A new follower is born,

    Jennifer

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Quincy is a mortal, like you, only eight times immortal first. Of course he has a “higher knowledge” than you, he’s a cat!
      Love, Pearl

      Reply
  21. Stevie B

    Hi Pearl, I recently took in what I thought was a small mouse but has since grown to the size of a large dog and terrifies the rest of my pets. I wouldn’t mind so much if dog mouse didn’t keep ordering me around. Its always, dig a hole here, plant a tree there, use this chalk and draw elaborate runes so we can summon my brethren this weekend. It’s back breaking work and I’m a little too old for it, but I also don’t want to be rude and ask it to leave. What should I do?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      You make us laugh, Stevie. When you took in little mouse she became a family member and a lifetime commitment.
      A friend took in a mini pig that now weighs 1200 lbs. These things happen. Keep planting and keep a low profile.
      Be sure to have an evacuation plan in place.

      Reply
  22. Tom

    Hi Pearl,

    Have you ever been in a movie? You look uncannily similar to an actor in an art film I saw a long time ago!

    Wishing you the best,

    Tom

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Look similar or have a similar name?
      You are not the first to broach the subject,Tom. Georgette is a woman of mystery.
      I, on the other paw, revel in my colorful art film career. Did you happen to catch ME in ‘Dead Squirrel on the Dance Floor’?

      Reply
  23. Moose

    Hi Pearl,

    I recently watched a decade-old video about why your YouTube channel is called MEpearlA. This makes a lot of sense to me and I wanted to thank you for being a YouTube channel name inspiration. Naming a channel after a deceased squirrel is an enticing idea!

    Thank you,
    Moose

    Reply
  24. flyinggoatman

    Hey would you be okay with me posting your channel on April Fools day? Your channel is quality but due to it’s sense of humour I think it would be great to post on this day. It’ll be next year ofc. Let me know what you think.

    my subreddit is http://reddit.com/r/QualityYouTube

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Does this require permissions? If not, of course you can post with our blessings.
      Your Pal Pearl

      Reply
  25. Milson Frank

    Dear Pearl,

    We have been faithfully following your beloved existence for ions. Though you may not be on this realm – you are with us in a much larger capacity. Our need for your insight is astronomical. We, the people, are suffering. How can we fix a broken society who treats animals as nothing more than a product and believe in the possibility of harming a child from within the womb. What have we done? Pearl, oh Pearl, my community needs you.

    From the Oshkobillafranken Community located in Nelson, Canada. (Red jackets and all). XX

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      The broken society you see is a reflection of the brokenness within. Both are true. Both respond to kindness, compassion, humor, and, regrettably, patience.
      Tend your own garden. Keep it healthy and beautiful and filled with fresh water for all of my creatures who pass through and grace your existence.
      Love, Pearl

      Reply
  26. NPC

    Your best-mannered and most grateful opossum pal, Maple, has not been seen on camera recently; how is that feisty little diva? All the best to Georgette and Royce!

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Maple went to live at a wildlife facility in Northern California where she would have the option of living well while avoiding humans altogether.
      When last heard from she was exploiting that option to the max. Every possum comes with their own personality and some just can’t be won over. In the wild this is very much to their advantage.

      Reply
  27. K.Y.

    Dear MEPearl,

    There is a opossum that lives under my bed and tries to bite my knees at night while I sleep. I have tried talking to the opossum and she claims she wants ‘knee marrow’. What do I do?

    -Sincerely, K.Y.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      When in doubt follow the prompts of a possum.

      Reply
  28. Austin

    Dear Pearl,

    How come the possums and raccoons in my backyard are mean each-other?

    Regards,

    Austin

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Because Henry made an unwelcome pass at Gwendolyn and now both extended families are lex talionis all over each other.
      P de W

      Reply
  29. Nat

    Hi Pearl,

    I am moving to a new city this year for work and I would love to get your advice on what I should do to meet friends and feel comfortable. Thank you for your service!!

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Hi Nat~
      Get a bag of walnuts in the shell. Gently crack them. Fill your pockets with high quality all purpose bird seed. Go to the local park. Find a bench under a tree and sit there. Do this daily. Within a week you will have more friends than you dreamed possible. You’re welcome.

      Reply
  30. Ayrianna Drayton

    Me Pearl , can you please send a happy birthday message to one of your devoted followers, Shelby?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Of course I can but since I don’t believe in the Gregorian calendar there is little point. When you have her Discordian or Erisian date let ME know and I’ll whistle Dixie just for her.
      Love~
      Pearl

      Reply
  31. Mallory

    I’ve always thought of myself as somewhat clairvoyant, but I don’t believe in psychic abilities. What is the truth?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      No truth for you, Mallory. Reread your opening sentence until you understand why.
      Pearl loves you.

      Reply
  32. Adin

    Dearest Pearl, is it within your ability to end this horrid pandemic and release us from captivity so me and my long distance partner can finally see eachother? your videos get me through it all and they truly inspire. you are the voice of a generation.
    much love

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Dear Adin~
      Yes it is. Thank you for the kind words. Pearl loves you.

      Reply
  33. Warden

    Greetings, Great One, Pearl.

    I am enthralled in the marsupial lifestyle, and wish to expand. After much research I have decided to obtain the truly perfect creature known as an opossum. I have reached a roadblock though. Where does one get such an animal? I wish to provide them with all they could desire and have them live a fuffilling life. This is VERY urgent to me and I wish to seek your wisdom. Thank you for your time,

    – Warden, P.h.D

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Greetings, Warden~
      When the time is right the opossum will find you. This is a false urgency. Breath.
      Your Pal Pearl

      Reply
  34. Emma Marie

    Hello Pearl,
    as a long time fan I was hoping you might be able to tell my future. Will I soon find a job that brings me joy?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Have ceased giving out spoiler alerts because they do just that.
      Put joy into your job and you cannot fail.

      The Big Pearl

      Reply
  35. DD

    Dear Wise and Powerful Pearl,

    I asked my neighbor, a possum, to help me with my computer. We opened it up, but now he just lives in there. Things are working fine now, but do you think this will effect the performance of my PC over time?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Assuming that PC stands for Possum Companion, probably not too much.
      Your Pal Pearl

      Reply
    • OpossumCurious

      Dearest Pearl,

      I feel you are the right person to address my dilemma. The tiny young opossum who lives in my garden and enjoys many of the fruits and vegetables has now started to break into my house for more snacks (on two occasions). While I don’t mind they eat some of my tomatoes, I’m feeling very uneasy and startled about opossum life inside my home. Is this opossum taking advantage of me or is it a sign I need to let loose and pick out a name?

      Reply
      • MEpearl

        Define “break-in”. Are there windows broken? Have the locks been tampered with? Possums have no concept of trespassing or owned property.
        Look at this from her perspective and you’ll know what to do.

        Reply
  36. OUCHIEPAIN

    Dear squirrel God,
    I am in need of assistance, for I have been smited
    uh oh

    Sincerely
    Man on fire

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      First; I am Goddess
      Second; I did not smite you so you are not smoot. Relax~ Be Happy~
      Pearl Loves You.

      Reply
  37. Mike

    Hi Pearl,

    I find that when I’m not watching your videos, my life lacks meaning. Perhaps it’s a nutritional deficiency? Please advise.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      B Complex and D3 and spaghetti.
      Love Pearl

      Reply
  38. Roderick "Rod" Sprague

    I have figured out how to get above practical breakeven with a fusion reactor I can build at home (I think). Should I patent it and start an employee owned company around the patent and give the world vast amounts of inexpensive energy and use some of the profits to help move humanity and other organisms into space?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Sure.

      Reply
  39. Lev

    What on earth is going on here??????? Also, how do I join this religion?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Welcome, Lev~
      You have ventured way beyond earth. You’re here, now.
      Pearl Loves You

      Reply
  40. Vwolf the Octoling

    Hello, a family member just showed me to your website and I love it! Do you have any good remedies for eye strain? Thank you

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Rest and patience might do the trick but, personally, I prefer patches, preferably one at a time.
      Pearl, the great Seer

      Reply
  41. Captain

    Why do I cough up blood every time I brush my teeth?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Suspect your brush is too long. Why not just gnaw on wood like I do?
      Pearl knows best

      Reply
  42. Ella

    Dear Pearl,

    I have an interest in vampires since I love the book “Let the right one in”. It is truly facinating. My question is, is there vampire possums? Or is there any other kind of entities that resemble that of vampires and other supernatural creatures in the possum kingdom?

    Thank you.

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Possums are a popular familiar of vampires. Once turned they become unpredictable
      Has something untoward happened to inspire this question?

      Preternatural Pearl

      Reply
  43. Rachel Smith

    What are your thoughts on the John Mulaney and Olivia Munn situation?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      As one whose habitat is always at risk, news of another human is never good.
      Pearl the Pragmatic

      Reply
  44. beth

    i feel like i don’t have control over my own life? does everypossum go through this

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      You don’t. It’s a good thing. Create a steady base and let ‘er rip!!!
      Your Pal Pearl

      Reply
  45. Jovan Schloober

    hi pearl, i am a big fan of your life’s research and veracious appetite for ipossum

    i hope one day to be like you. ipossum woman.

    this is a really awesome.

    Reply
  46. Sionainn

    Pearl, how does Georgette deal with the loss of the animals she loves? She clearly loves you very much and I imagine she must have grieved for a long time when you passed to the other side. I lost my cat of 13 years three weeks ago and I’m still crying every day. I want to become a wildlife rehabber myself, but sometimes I worry about the emotional toll. Do you have any words of comfort? How does Georgette keep from getting overwhelmed and burnt out?

    Reply
    • MEpearl

      Your suspicions are correct. The emotional toll of wildlife rehab is horrendous. Georgette is still grieving over ME.
      That’s why ME Pearl as an enterprise exists, to help her continue coping with the loss. Burnout and overwhelm are constants for Georgette. The only comfort we have for you is that your beloved cat is here with us now. It’s actually dandy on this side of the veil.
      Pearl loves you.

      Reply

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