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Pearls of Wisdom: Advice from a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything

Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity who created the universe and longs to open it up for you!
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Welcome to ME Pearl

Pearl de Wisdom loves you, in her fashion. And you love Pearl.  SURPRISE!

IMPORTANT NEWS

The recent solar flares have interfered with transmissions from beyond and have halted transmissions from PEARL de WISDOM!

 

 

Pearls of Wisdom: Advice from a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything

Pearls of Wisdom
THE BOOK!

Advice from Pearl de Wisdom –  a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything
Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity who created the universe and longs to open it up for you!

Pearl de Wisdom loves you, in her fashion.
And you love Pearl. SURPRISE!

You are to be congratulated on finding this site. This is where Pearl de Wisdom explains it all for you. When All Else Fails, ASK PEARL. Write in with your own concerns or simply read Pearl’s advice to others. It all comes to the same As The Tail Ends.

Love offerings welcome.

You will know when the time is right. Meanwhile, tell Pearl what is on your heart. Talk to ME. Pearl of Compassion who understands all things and will respond. ASK PEARL now!

Pearl de Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice. Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

Due to overwhelming popular demand, by readers who don’t have a clue what is going on here, I am including a brief temporal autobiography of ME, Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria.

I AM A DEAD SQUIRREL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING and pines to share it with YOU. I lived for 10 years as a non-releasable in So. Cal, and gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French. Plus, I absorbed vast amounts of information through my 7 senses, tuned beyond anything you can yet imagine. And the rest I make up.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern psychic squirrel.
Croaking only increased my power and lovability factor.
You can ASK PEARL anything
Confide in ME, Gentle Reader; unburden your soul.
Pearl wants to hear from you, NOW.
BTW~
The big pink human who was my earthly caregiver and is now my channeler is, to put it kindly, a bit of an albatross.
I listen to Seth and Abraham complaining but HA!
their challenge is nothing compared to ….well,
don’t get ME started.
Just write to ME.
Every category gives you the opportunity.
Pick your favorite, or visit them all, and let’s get to know each other.

 

Ask Pearl de Wisdom

OOOPS!
Pearl de Wisdom
is unavailable due to disruptions outside of our control!

Let me squirrelsplain this to you…

 THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl de Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl de Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl de Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

880 Comments

  1. Jeremy Bullfrog

    My wife and I want to get out of the city and buy a small home in the woods. We’ve both worked so much to get where we are, but now that we are here we don’t really feel satisfied. We can’t muster the courage to do it. Where do you find your courage?

    • MEpearl

      Leap and the net will appear. And you have an advantage being a frog.
      Couragio! P

  2. Estudiously Studying Student

    Dear Magnificent Pearl,

    I am having a hard time in school. I want to get all 100%’s on everything, but my grades on tests often slip to the low 90%’s or even down into the low 80%’s. It makes me depressed, as if I don’t know anything at all, and my confidence is lowered. Do you have any recommendations for types of seeds, nuts, or berry foraging activities that could take my mind off of this stressor?

    Thank you for any wisdom you graciously offer me.

    • MEpearl

      Oh my dear sweet friend, just drop the rock. The only grades that really matter are in subjects you are passionate about and you can’t be passionate about everything. Pick your subject, something you love, and then become expert, too good to ignore. This will be far more impressive than good grades across the board. Brazil nuts help with this but never underestimate the power of spaghetti.
      Pearl Loves You

      • B. Anna

        Dearest Pearl,

        My friends are having a party and have asked me to bring a dip. My question for you is what is the best dip to bring to a party? I surely don’t want to disappoint and would love your insight and wisdom.

        Thank you kindly!

        • MEpearl

          For eating or bullying? Be more specific, Please.
          The P

  3. Thomas

    hello dearest pearl,
    i have come across your greatest wisdom from opossum videos on instagrams (they make good messengers)
    anyways i have exams starting tomorrow which i have not prepared for…
    will you send me answers telepathically pliz
    also opinions on raccoons (i am a raccoon at heart)
    tyyyyyyyyy
    Thomas <3

    • MEpearl

      Yes, Thomas, I will send you answers telepathically, although, in the interest of full disclosure, they may not be the correct ones. Raccoons should avoid pooping in children’s playgrounds because many carry Bayliss resulting in sponge brain and those children may grow up to be politicians. But I jest. Those children won’t grow up at all. Otherwise, raccoons are awesome.
      Your Pal Pearl

  4. genn

    you are insanely cool

  5. rysterandthwompy

    My girlfriend and I are wondering if you know of Sister Cindy and her god. What does the true god, Pearl, think of Sister Cindy? If Sister Cindy and Pearl’s channeler were to fight, who would win?

    • MEpearl

      Fair but foolish question. Concern yourselves with love, beauty and irony and we will have something to talk about.
      Pearl Loves You

  6. Justin

    Pearl,
    I received for my 39th birthday a gift from my lovely wife (I’d call her a goddess if I didn’t know God to be a squirrel named Pearl). This followed my sharing with her your transcendent advice collumn. I’m glad you found a suitable vessel in Georgette, whose YouTube antics charmed we plebians sufficiently to make us amenable to your message

    • MEpearl

      Pearl be praised!

  7. Lexi

    I remember watching MEpearl with my aunt when I was a kid and it made me love opossums more and more and care for them even as an adult. You’re so cool!!

    • MEpearl

      How wonderful!!!

  8. Kaila

    nothing abnormal around here!

  9. Morrigan

    Dear Pearl,

    I cannot thank you or Georgette enough for being a light in this world! Unfortunately, I live too far north to see either squirrels or opossums. Do you have any advice to fill this unending void in life?

    Though I will admit that, growing up initially in Texas, I have always loved opossums a bit more as squirrels were more likely to steal part of my lunch if I ate outside… You’d tell me if you stole my lunch, wouldn’t you?

    All the best,
    Morrigan

    • MEpearl

      Pearl does not steal. Pearl accepts tribute.
      As for living out of reach (what were you thinking?), you know what they say “If the squirrel can’t go to the Morrigan, the Morrigan must go to the squirrel.” How north are you? There are red squirrels in Alaska and grey squirrels in Canada. Sounds like you have a squirrel sized hole in your heart. It’s a common affliction. Have you access to a bear?
      Your Pal Pearl

    • Silly Goose

      Hi Pearl,

      Just wanted to say I love you ❤️

  10. Flower Fanatic

    Dearest and sweetest love and advice giver,
    Will life ever get easier? It seems like every six months or so something drastic and life changing happens to me, or at least in close proximity to me, and I’m wondering if things will ever smooth out. I’m talking death(s), monetary difficulty, and physical and mental illness, not to mention the multiple flat tires.

    What do you see, or what advice can you offer?

    Your humble supplicant,
    Flower Fanatic

    • MEpearl

      Dearest Flower~ No, life will never get easier. Nor should you want it to. Life is always working in your best interest. It’s your resistance to what life brings you that makes it so hard. Try thinking of you and life as a team working together for the greatest good of all. This will make a world of positive difference. Promise. Pearl Loves You

  11. MEpearl

    Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it for awhile. You may be happily surprised.
    Pearl loves you~

  12. Chase Whaley

    I’m in such awe of your work. I’ve read your book several times. I’m wanting to know if there is any way I can send you my book to have you autograph it? It would mean the world to me and my future bloodline.

    • MEpearl

      Reply sent personally

      • MEpearl

        For Chase~ Many thanks for your kind words.

        The address I sent for you to mail the book for signing is no longer operative. Here’s a better idea: Email your name and mailing address to pearl@MEpearl.com and we will send you a personalized bookplate that can be affixed to your copy. It would delight us to do this.
        Your Pearl

  13. Ada

    Dear omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent Pearl,

    I have been trying to decide between two different career pathways, and am really struggling to commit to a choice. Both roads seem to have the same number of intersections with highways where big semi trucks could turn a squirrl into a rodent pancake. How should I decide which direction to take?

    • MEpearl

      Dear Ada Squirrel~ Your first mistake is going by road. Go by treetop and the direction will become clear. Follow the treetops until there is no road and then you will be home.
      Your Pal Pearl

    • Alexander Coso

      Damsel Psychic Pearl…This Metaphysical, Akashic records Gent wishes to know if you are spoken for..If replying by carrier pighe-on..send the inebriated fellow to my Philadelphia local.. versus my old Santa Monica CA roost.. it would be most interesting to have a conversation in Paris rain, foggy London..or Pompey avec thee..

      Alexander de La Paz El Montagu de Marchee

      • MEpearl

        We fear you are too rich for our blood, Monsieur de Marchee~

  14. Drew

    Stopping by with love from Denver, Colorado. My partner and I absolutely adore you and have both watched your videos for a very very long time. I wanted to wish you and Georgette – a happy 2024. We absolutely love squirrels and possums, and your videos bring us great joy. I have one question I need advice on , how do you face uncertainty ? It is one of the biggest struggles for me. I’ve been unemployed since november, and hoping things start looking up this year, the last couple have been really difficult. Sending my love to you, Drew.

    • MEpearl

      Your future won’t let you get away. Your future loves you. Uncertainty can be hard. On single issues it often means ‘no’. Be sensitive to unexpected opportunities. Forget what you assume will show up and look at what actually does.
      You’re welcome~
      Pearl

  15. Amy Schofield

    Dear Pearl

    Recently, my sister toilet-papered my front porch. Strangely, some folks have responded to my complaints about this with admiration for her. I am livid. I find it confusing that she would add to my housekeeping duties, considering my numerous time constraints and obligations. In addition, I’ve spent many weekends helping her with endless organizing and cleaning activities. Also, with inflation, toilet paper is quite expensive. She used at least $20 worth of tree products that could have found a more practical purpose. While my instincts tell me to ignore it, I’m also worried it might happen again—coupled with a gnawing thirst for revenge. Please advise.

    Yours Truly,
    Two-ply Panties In A Wad

    • MEpearl

      Pearl suspects this is actually the sister writing to share the joke with ME.
      But, if it’s you, Two-ply, know that it will happen again. It happens BECAUSE your panties are in a wad.
      Live as though in a pile of puppies~
      Pearl

      • Two -Ply

        Thanks, ME Pearl. That is good advice, and I will consider it. I worry that the panties in the wad are the only thing keeping me upright, but who knows? Life is an adventure.

  16. Rachel Shirley

    Pearl, have you or a loved ever eaten rotisserie chicken in your car? I have, my boyfriend hasn’t.

    Hope you’re keeping warm!

    • MEpearl

      No, but I have a friend who fed a chicken in a car while transporting her to her forever home.
      Pearl the Compassionate…until it comes to wombats.

  17. Jay and Vanessa

    Greetings Pearl, we are a new and longtime fans of yours and are humbly requesting for a pittance of your vast knowledge of all things.

    Both of us are in the animation industry and we enjoy drawing all things beautiful (including the beauty found in the ugly). However, as of late, having art and work tied into one can be quite draining on the soul. Your productivity can often feel directly tied to your worth as a person so many struggles we face can be amplified in severity mentally.

    Do you have any advice for maintaining motivation for doing the things you love and maintaining love for the self. Good self-esteem is hard to come by these days so it would be wonderful if you could provide us with any tips.

    Also, please dear god, tell us how your human vessel styles her hair. It always looks effortlessly alluring.

    – Jay and Vanessa

    • MEpearl

      You need a break, my friends~
      How about the Pura Vida of Costa Rica for 2 weeks? No? Go to the closest Nature Reserve and become infused with the green (NO DEVICE!)but remember “Leaves of three let it be.” You may need a brief break from each other. It’s a good thing. I am the hair make-up and costume mistress for our productions. Let’s face it, I AM our productions.
      Pearl Loves You~

  18. JKBenbot

    What songs should I use for a fantasy version of The Masked Singer?

  19. kaf

    Hi Pearl,

    Any advice to your fans about getting through the cold of winter?

    • MEpearl

      Wrap up in your tail and make nice with the relatives.
      Your Pal Pearl

  20. Kate

    Hi Pearl! Love you advice this has given me a good laugh.

  21. Frances Emmelin

    Dear Pearl,

    Would you happen to have a 15-20 page, previously unpublished, MLA formatted literary analysis writing sample lying around anywhere? I seem to have misplaced my motivation (silly me!), and grad school application deadlines are looming over the not-so-distant horizon. Alternatively, thoughts on Mame (1974)? Can’t stand it myself.

    with much love (and potential pecuniary compensation),

    Frankie, AKA Bea Arthur Vera Charles Sympathizer, AKA Professional Roz Russell Defender, #notmymame

    • MEpearl

      THE “Auntie Mame” 1958 Rosalind Russell and Coral Browne. A squirrel has her favorites and that’s one, despite the mistreatment of innocent foxes. We could trade quips on movie classics while your application deadline passes unheeded. That would be sad. But HOW sad, really? What motivates ME, next to saving the world, is food. Maybe don’t eat until your work is done. Squirrels amass a huge number of nuts before cracking open the first one. And so can you, Frankie, so can you.
      Your Pal Pearl

  22. Autumn Reasor

    Hey, I love your videos and sense of humor.
    I took have opossums. 5 of them to be exact. I do lives on tiktok sometimes with them. If you’d like to collaborate with me maybe we could spread some opossum wisdom together. My tiktok is @damonreasor
    Most of my opossum content is on lives but there’s some on my feed.
    You’re an inspiration in my Possum World ❤️

    • MEpearl

      Thank you, Autumn~
      We’ll look you up.
      Your Pal Pearl

  23. forethought

    good morning/afternoon/evening/night dear pearl of the world, my Ratatoskr

    you who tells all that a squirrel can tell, I do wonder: do you know the number of fresh acorns in an oyster shell? It’s buried deep, in tangled roots of ash and oak and thorn. Warm things sleep in cold dark hollows, waiting to be born again. Far above two birds find love and settle down for life, as down below in muddy snow the husband beats the wife. Heaving and seizing come up fingers of ice, the earth rolls and folds and shudders thrice, until at last the tide comes in. The days wax and wane with each passing age under a dizzying sky, Yet still I remain, quite unchanged, chained to a rock yet unable to die!

    Where am I? Please send help, and hurry… This eagle is not one for conversation, I am going quite mad.

    • MEpearl

      Your circumstances are your inspiration, my friend~
      Be glad in it. You shall never be ordinary.
      Your Pal Pearl

  24. Thom uwu

    Your videos give me life :3

    • MEpearl

      And comments like this do the same. Thank you. Pearl Loves You.

  25. Phasma

    Dear Pearl,

    I have come to ask the all knowing Pearl about opossums. October 17th is national opossum day, and I am trying to figure out possum themed activities to celebrate and need some assistance from the ascended expert. Do any good things come to mind.

    I love you and your human conduit Georgette’s videos about opossums and yourself. Thank you for all of the love you show to possums.

    -Phasma

    • MEpearl

      Dear Phasma,
      Just to be clear, It’s Georgette who loves possums. I’ve never seen the point of them, myself.
      In terms of possum themed activities, the high point should be a nap followed by descending levels of exertion and attention.
      Have Fun!!! Pearl, the Party Planner

  26. James Neikirk

    Hi there I am gonna watch all your videos so i can better get an understanding of possum and squirrels thank you for your videos. Jim from Kentucky and you are a very Articulate Beautiful Woman. Thank You

    • MEpearl

      Thank you.

      • Tara

        Pearl,

        I found a baby opossum tonight and I do not know what to do with it. I live near Venice in Los Angeles. I put it in a box with some fruit and water (i don’t have real milk or any animal food) . It keeps hissing. I tried to give it water with a dropper but it won’t take. Seems quite weak, do you take babies in?

        • MEpearl

          And this is why we have the Reality Check section on this site. The baby needs an experienced wildlife rehabilitator.
          Hopefully you found one or took it to a vet or an animal shelter. Look up The Opossum Underground on Facebook.
          Thank you for caring.

  27. M.P.

    I live on the central coast in California. One morning, May 1st, 2021, I rescued my beautiful Virginia Opossum from underneath her deceased mother. I used to volunteer as a rescue transport driver for a local wildlife organization. I have been caring for my beautiful girl ever since. I am in desperate need of a veterinarian who knows marsupials and can help me. Can you please give me any information on who to contact?

    • MEpearl

      Best chance is to contact closest wildlife center/sanctuary. There should be a knowledgeable vet on staff. Good luck. Natural life span is short. Your girl is close to geriatric.

  28. Omne

    Where did you meet Dillie?

    • MEpearl

      The usual hairless humanoid hangout.

    • abbey

      dylan mulvaney is a man. that’s why possum lady reuploaded the video of dylan as a non-binary man in a possum costume.

      dylan mulaney is a man and he will always be a man

  29. Nicholas J Fuentes

    Hello Pearl. I recently began dating a woman two years my junior who works in the porn industry. In the course of our now two month long relationship, the tip of my manhood appears to have become discolored. I am uncertain why this has happened, and would like your advice o wisest of squirrels.

    Sincerely, Catboy Nick

    • MEpearl

      Hello Catboy Nick~
      The state of your manhood will always/never depend on your chosen female regardless of her chosen profession.
      To be a ‘real man’ requires having personal shakti, loosely translated as female essence, and plenty of it.
      A man without his own shakti is just clueless.
      But you are young, Nick (dear Goddess we hope so)and there’s still time for an awakening. Pearl Loves You.

  30. Edie & Sophia, your loyal lifelong learners

    Dearest Pearl,

    How have you been? Years ago, we wrote to you asking for advice and guidance in the world of college decision making. We’ve grown much since then, but we’re sure your celestial body looks radiant as ever.

    We have been thinking of you, and while its not as life-changing of an inquiry, we’d love to know the answer! If your caregiver/sibyl Georgette has any input, you are welcome to tell her that she may answer too.

    What are your opinions on the casting of William Shatner and Avril Lavigne as the opposum family in the 2006 film *Over the Hedge*?

    Thank you, we love you, eat, drink, and be merry! (well, as much as a dead squirrel can do any of those things)

    • MEpearl

      How lovely to hear from you again. The casting of which you speak works for us although we’d prefer to see Georgette impossumate all characters with depth and pith. Timelessness and specieslessness are such rare qualities they must be exploited wherever possible. Don’t you think?
      Grow more and stay close. Pearl loves you.

  31. Bryan Eddy

    Hello Pearl,
    I live among eastern gray squirrels. What can I do to befriend them?

    • MEpearl

      Depends what you are. If you are a Canary Island Dog forget it. Otherwise speak softly and carry a big bag of walnuts in the shell. And PS, Lucky you!!!

      • ttorn

        Pearl do you take visitors?

        • MEpearl

          Like hostage?

  32. grassfedanna

    Pearl –

    In your infinite wisdom and life/afterlife experience, what do you think of regret?
    and how many trees should one climb in their life?

    thank you for sharing,
    Anna

    • MEpearl

      “Regrets, I’ve had a few
      But then again too few to mention
      I did what I had to do
      I saw it through without exemption
      I planned each charted course
      Each careful step along the byway
      And climbed 4 dozen trees
      Well off the highway.”
      Your Pal Pearl

  33. xyz

    Hello!

    I just stumbled upon this place several minutes ago and I’m completely enchanted by it. So much beauty in here. Greetings from Poland!

  34. Joey

    Greetings and Blessings to the Ascended All Inspiring, PEARL, I would like to convey my everlasting thanks for all the wisdom, smiles, and hard learned Life Lessons shared, You and Georgette continue to inspire me, in the chaos of all things known, peace with oneself is a difficult state to reach.

    My love and gratitude.

    • MEpearl

      You’re welcome.
      P.

    • Jess

      Dearest Pearl,

      I just discovered your website after seeing a video on YouTube of your human, and since it was titled something about the Opossum Lady and I frequently compare myself to a screaming opossum (as well as having a genuine love for them) it was a moral imperative that I look up more information, and lo and behold here I am! Keep on keeping on, and thank you so much for the smiles at a time when I desperately needed them!

      • MEpearl

        Thank you, Jess!