ASK PEARL

Posted By: Admin on April 6, 2010 in - Comments: 726 Comments »

 

Let ME Explain!

 

THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

Share

726 Blessed Comments

  1. Avatar Gojappa says:

    Dear Pearl, Goddess Divine:

    I’m struggling to find meaning in life. I am constantly searching for a sense of purpose to bring me peace, but I can’t seem to find it.

    Pearl, what is my purpose? What is your advice for me?

    With Devotion,
    Gojappa

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      It’s simple, Gojappa. Your purpose in life is to be kind. That upstart ingrate Dali Lama stole that concept from ME. I am tempted to bite him in the dark repeatedly and expose him as the fraud he is, but I resist because I am PEARL. I am KINDNESS, itself.
      So go forth in kindness, my friend. I shall be with you. The Infinite P

      • Avatar jess says:

        Dear Pearl,
        I saw you on youtube and i wanted to say your channel is amazing! you’re so funny and witty, i hope you are in good spirits. were you an actress in a previous career? your content is so satirical i almost cant tell if you’re messing with us or you’re dead serious. you seem like a really wise and kind person, i hope life has treated you well. im only 16 but i wanted to say, i want to be like you when im older. Also im curious, i dont know that much about you but you seem quite passionate about spirituality, are you wiccan/pagan/religious. im trying to transition into wicca because im fascinated by it, and truly believe in it. i hope you continue to care for the druids!
        bright blessings.

  2. Avatar frances says:

    Pearl, I am having a hard time finding a vet in my area who is knowledgeable of opossums. please advise!

  3. Avatar Cathy Brown says:

    Hy P3@Rl-

    H@V!nG $oM3 Tr0Ub/3 w!Th mY N3W K3yb0@Rd. It$ H@Rd t0 tyP3 wH3N u ARE @ F3//0W Squ!RR3L. Any T!p$?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Cathy,
      You need a pliable gullible human for the grunt work. They are often more trouble than they are worth but I’ve yet to find something better. Always looking. Good Luck.

  4. Avatar Tom says:

    What is the single most important problem in my life? I have limited resources and want to allocate them where they will have the greatest impact on my life, as a whole.

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Hi Tom~
      Let’s rethink and rephrase your question: ‘What is the the single most important resource in my life? I have limited problems and want to solve them.’ Identify three reliable pillars in your life and determine how each one could be utilized to address a specific problem. Some problems you hold dear. Leave them to the last.
      Pearl knows. Trust ME.
      P

  5. Avatar Hannah says:

    Dear eternally wise Pearl, how do I know when I have found my true soul mate? I do believe I have and we both bask in the wisdom of your videos and both truly adore possums, but I want to be sure he is really my truest love. We will be getting married in the spring but I was hoping for your approval. Enlighten me!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      O.K., I shall~
      You go through so many lifetimes as so many species that to believe you each have only one soul mate is naive. This one will be your “truest love” so long as you stop looking for anyone truer. Up to you. And congratulations. Don’t get married in May. May has a bad track record as a jumping off point for lasting happiness. And forget about March this year. Really, just wait it out. Either April or June would be swell for human nuptials. Would you like a ME Pearl themed wedding? Talk about the big guns of blessing! Visit our store at http://www.zazzle.com/mepearl. We can design and make available whatever items you wish.
      Your theme song might be:
      The Squirrel that I Marry

      The squirrel that I marry will have to be
      As lithe as a fairy and jump on me
      The squirrel I call my own
      Will be hairy and wary and smell of pinecone.
      The claws will be sharpened and from the paw
      S/he’ll hurl a gardenia at my gaping maw
      ‘Stead of stewin’, I’ll be chewin’
      La la la lalala
      Wrack and ruin….
      Well, maybe not quite the sentiment you’re going for.

      Georgette is an ordained reverend and could preside over the ceremony but I don’t recommend it.
      Her last wedding ended with the happy couple being shipped off to a recycling plant in New Jersey. Don’t ask.
      Above all be happy and remember Pearl loves you.

  6. Avatar elle says:

    dear all-knowing pearl, i am writing to you on a situation i am at peace with but am still looking for closure. do you know what his feelings were specific to our friendship and to us in general? did he miss me when we were apart? thank you so much for spreading your knowledge with us, pearl.

  7. Avatar Vincent Metzger says:

    Hey pearl- my husband betrayed me and allowed someone to hurt my repeatedly. Should I give him a second chance or divorce his sorry a**? Please give me advice.

  8. Avatar Allen Smithee says:

    Who the hell is Georgette Spelvin?

  9. Avatar Shannon says:

    Hello Pearl,
    My family has found a baby opossum that has no eyes at all. He is eating very well and gain weight fast but one thing about him we haven’t be able to fix is his tail. The tip turned black and fell off but what looks like an infection is still going down his tail. Do you know any items we might have at home to help fix his tail?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      As with all medical concerns you must get to a wildlife vet /exotic specialist immediately. You may be dealing with dermal septic necrosis but only a vet will recognize and know how to treat what you describe. Don’t improvise with an animal’s health. Results can be fatal. Thank you for taking in this disabled joey.

      Your Pal Pearl

  10. Avatar Phil Swift says:

    Dear Pearl,

    Recently, me and my friend were playing a game based on the Prussian Incursion. He got mad at me after I won, and hasn’t spoken to me in weeks – I feel like I lost a friend. How do I get him back? Much thanks!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Did you prance around the room going nanner nanner nanner?

      That’s usually where those Prussian Incursion games go south.

  11. Avatar Edie and Sophia says:

    Dearest Pearl,
    Do you have any advice for getting into college/pulling a college admissions scandal? Please, we are desperate.
    Thanks! 🙂

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Forget scandals, just pack up basic camping gear and emergency supplies and send the would-be student deep into the forest with the admonition to seek nothing and say nothing. Watch Listen and do what is in front of you to do. If you survive a year and a day come home and know your future. At this point your education, having been supervised by ME, will be far superior to anything a fancy school could provide.

      You’re welcome.

  12. Avatar Mary Mary says:

    Pearl, would you ever hurt anyone? I just find this website a bit disturbing for some reason, and wonder about it. I dont think you would, just want to make sure.

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Sorry to disappoint you, Mary Mary. I am too powerful to be safe. An empty reassurance would diminish my value to you immeasurably. You may come to ME for truth and beauty and a few laughs. Do not come to ME for security. It doesn’t exist.
      Your Pal Pearl

  13. Avatar Sophia says:

    Dear pearl, what is the meaning of life? I hope you are well. Thank you for your time

  14. Avatar Mike S says:

    Hi Pearl,
    I was curious to know if you date at all or if you are single? Thank You.

  15. Avatar Lake says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I would really like to disappear into the woods for awhile, just exist in nature and make art. Can I do this without risk of joining a cult?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      “…without risk of joining a cult?” Unanswerable question because ‘risk’ denotes something out of your control whereas ‘joining’ is entirely within your control. You might better be concerned with getting eaten by a bear.
      Love,
      Pearl

  16. Avatar Emily says:

    Do you have MePearl merchandise? I would LOVE to purchase a shirt or collection of stickers or various knick knacks from you! I hope you are well!

  17. Avatar Bailey says:

    Dear Peal, etherial and all-knowing,
    I am feeling quite anxious about traveling soon and leaving my family. I find comfort in your videos, advice, and merch, but am wondering how I can further find solace in the thought of being alone. Sending much love. xo

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      So what kind of ‘alone’ are we talking about? Off to college? Solitary confinement? Into the woods?
      If my videos, advice and merch give you comfort, as they are wont to do for all, then MORE MORE MORE!
      Be brave, Baily, you won’t be alone for long.
      Your Pal P

  18. Avatar Foolish Fool says:

    Dearest Pearl,

    School starts again very soon for me, and I was wondering: how can I motivate myself to get good grades this year rather than drawing woodland creatures on my homework?
    Much love, the Foolish Fool

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Dear Claire~
      How about getting good grades AND drawing woodland creatures on your homework? Sounds like you are an artist, my friend.
      Focus on what you love and excel in it.
      Pearl the Prescient

  19. Avatar Sophie says:

    What do I do with my life Pearl the squirrel? I want to pursue zoology and dedicate my life to caring for animals but I don’t know how exactly to go about it, do you have any squirrel wisdom on this subject?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Step one; volunteer at a wildlife rehabilitation center.
      Step two will reveal itself thereafter.
      You’re welcome.
      P

  20. Avatar Grumpy Possum Lover says:

    Dearest Pearl,

    I’ve noticed so many rude comments on your wonderful page! People asking, are you crazy? Are you insane? Do these people not have hobbies besides being rude to people who brighten this dull, gray world? There’s so much chaos around us, but a woman supporting wildlife and making funny videos while doing it just astonishes them. Ridiculous, I say! I’m so happy to support your Patreon and to watch your videos. You’re a wonderful person, and what you do for nature is exquisite! You don’t deserve these comments from boring simpletons who can’t have fun. Keep up your amazing work! Please give Potus and Flotus headpats for me.

  21. Avatar Caroline says:

    Dear Pearl, I often contemplate what my next step in life should be. I feel as though I’m stuck in a rut with my current routine. I want to take a risk, so that I don’t waste my life wondering what could have been. What would you recommend I do to spice things up?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Adopt an ‘unadoptable’ animal. Soon you’ll be surrounded by the best and most interesting people.
      Pearl knows best

  22. Avatar Scotty says:

    Hi Pearl, the blessed one!
    I’m starting university in the fall, and I was wondering if you had any advice for making friends, with both humans and animals alike!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Both animals and humans respond well to offers of food. Quality only. Your gifts reflect back on you. We like Dickensen’s Family Country Pumpkin Butter.

  23. Avatar Krispy says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I have been looking for a college to go to lately but have not had any luck. Do you have any advice for finding and choosing the right school?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Dear Krispy~
      Into the wilderness, my friend. After ME, Gaia is the greatest teacher of all.
      But be smart about it.
      What’s it all worth if you get eaten by a bear?
      Professorially,
      Pearl

  24. Avatar Ashley Smith says:

    Pearl,

    My coworker looks like a possum. Do you have any advice on how to get along with him?

  25. Avatar Matt Johnson says:

    How many possums do you have? Do they all live inside?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Hey Matt~
      Variable, depending on the need. They have both inside/outside quarters. It’s really Georgette’s domain. Seems they provide adequate intellectual stimulation for her. ME? Not so much. I run the empire.
      Empress Pearl

  26. Avatar SAP says:

    When deciding what to do about one’s future, what are the best ways to truly get in touch with Mother Nature? i have tried chanting, sacrifice, prayer, and naps in the woods . Nothing has worked . What do you suggest? Thank you, warmest regards, your faithful servant, SAP

  27. Avatar Bella says:

    Dear pearl
    I want you to know that your videos bring me more joy then anything else I my life. I adore you and your opossums. Thank you for being a joy to the world you have cured me of any sadness in my life. You are an angel

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Bella,Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, what joy you bring ME!

      • Avatar Matthew says:

        Dearest Goddess Pearl, I was introduced to you by my girlfriend, Bella, who has previously commented to you, and let me just say you bring us so much joy. Keep being the amazing person you are. We LOVE YOU<3
        Peace and Love,
        Matthew

  28. Avatar Clara says:

    Dear Pearl,
    Could you do me a favour? Could you please tell your human pawn, Georgette Spelvin, how much I love her videos? Your channel is the best, most insane thing I have ever seen in my life and it brings me so much joy. This woman is Pretending to be Jackie O on crack cocaine since 2010 for the sole purpose of helping animals and making people happy? Your videos are absolutely HILARIOUS, and it’s a crime you don’t have 1M subs already. Yiu make me so happy, and I really hope that Georgette (or whatever her real name is) finds joy in making these videos and is surrounded by loved ones. People are right, she IS crazy… Crazy talented! Really, you guys should have your own Netflix show or something (I know I would watch it)

    Lots of love from Brazil ❤

  29. Avatar Phoebe says:

    Hello Pearl! What’s your favourite colour?

  30. Avatar Isiah says:

    Dear Pearl, I am in need of advice for fame and riches. My dreams are constantly being shot down of being an actor and having wealth not having to work everyday to afford a low living. I even work in nursing and it’s still hard to live on. Your advice is much appreciated!!

  31. Avatar Sacred Squirell says:

    Pearl,

    I am just finding this glorious blog. I am afraid though because I am not sure I am not yet ready to accept love from you. What help have you for a fellow squirrel like me?

    Acorns always,
    Sacred Squirrel

  32. Avatar Pierce says:

    Hi Pearl.
    I’m currently having a lot of trouble finding some direction in life. I’m going into college soon and I feel a lot of pressure from my parents to do something that’ll get me lots of money, but I know it won’t make me happy. I just can’t seem to find something I am passionate about. I was wondering if you could give me any insight.
    Love your videos! Keep up the great work! 🙂

  33. Avatar trash mammal says:

    Dear Pearl the Allmighty,
    I think I may actually be a raccoon. How do I know for sure? I’m too short to look in the mirror, so I can’t see.
    Thank you for being the guidance we all need.

  34. Avatar Christina says:

    Hi Pearl! I have always been someone who tries to make everyone happy, despite what toll it has on me. This year has been a big life lesson on how unattainable that can be. At times, I feel secure with my intentions and don’t blame myself for things I can’t control. Other times, I get an overwhelming feeling and start focusing on how I could help others more. Do you have any advice on “letting go” and maintaining internal peace? Thank you!!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Oh Poor Sweet Funny Christina, Wake Up! Be more like ME. The only way I am able to manage the universe is by not caring overly much. Try it, you’ll like it.
      Pearl, who has turned indifference into an art form

  35. Avatar Julie says:

    I bought a bike because one of the guys in the shop owned a squirrel.

    It is the best bike I ever had. Is this a coincidence?

    P.S I love you. Please be my spirit animal.

  36. Avatar Ratagand Paulik says:

    Dear all knowing Pearl, how do you properly manage stress? I have such a hard time focusing and can’t think straight. I don’t know what the problem is but this makes it to where I don’t get things done on time and it stresses me to high heaven. What should I do? I know that you always give the best advice. Thank you for listening.

  37. Avatar Julie says:

    I am scared. Yesterday i gave u 10 dollars and today i saw a fox squirrel and when i innocently whipped out a bag of pecans he climbed on my bike and robbed me of all my pecans. This is a true story and i have photo evidence but the police wont believe me and tomorrow im going to have walnuts on me. What im trying to ask here is should i give you another 10 dollars?

    Ps ur correct about the guy with the squirrel. The bike shop guy is the squirrels slave.

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Julie,
      You can never go wrong giving ME money as long as you keep your expectations really low. Squirrels have the police in their back pocket, so to speak, so just pay your nutty tributes and move on.
      Your Pal Pearl

  38. Avatar Ally says:

    Pearl,
    I’m currently a student but I’ve been very distracted lately because I can’t stop thinking about a boy in my class. I have a huge crush on him but I have to focus on my studies. How can I stop thinking about him?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      At this point it would take a lobotomy. Might just as well stalk him and go through his trash until you find something shoddy enough to shatter the spell.
      You’re welcome.

  39. Avatar Nathan says:

    Dear Pearl, the great and powerful,
    With the return to school having been just a little ago, my stress levels have been steadily increasing. What should I do to manage this?

  40. Avatar Ella Blaine says:

    Recently broke up with my boyfriend. He wants another chance, should I get back together with him?

  41. Avatar Fred says:

    What should i do?

  42. Avatar Julia and Kristen says:

    Dear Pearl,
    We’re two gals who just started a semester in college. It’s been rough going so far, but your videos and spirit have revitalized us. We were wondering if you had any words of wisdom to carry with us through the rest of the year?
    Sincerely Love,
    Julia and Kristen

  43. Avatar Sean & Zade says:

    Dear Oh Mighty Pearl,
    We are getting our first pet, a male black and white cat. We’re very excited to share our home and our love with him. What shall we call him?
    Thank you for your love and wisdom, we love you,
    Sean & Zade

  44. Avatar Zoe says:

    O all-knowing Pearl!
    How might I best prepare for
    Halloween night frights?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Honor the ancestors by throwing trail mix onto the roof. Tradition says to use sweet baked goods but if the ancestors are late (you know who you are)it gets scarfed up by birds and flying rabbits and they feel sick in the morning.

  45. Avatar Elizabeth 4 says:

    Would you consider possums a religion with yourself, a conduit of the squirrel god?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Your question is too small, Elizabeth~
      Since I am both a squirrel and Goddess of the Universe, I consider every creature with any sense to be a conduit of ME, including you.
      Pearl loves you.

  46. Avatar sociallyyours says:

    Dear Pearl,
    Squirrels are revered for their preparation and quick wit. What advice could you provide a human who is unsure how to prepare for the undefined pit of dread nature so kindly provides us with. What solution do you know that will absolve the unyielding drive to “get ready” for nothing in particular?

    Cheers

  47. Avatar Amy says:

    Hi! i saw you on youtube and decided that i want to live a similar life to yours. I’m 16 years old and I’m not a fan of traditional high school. It does not make me happy, alternatively i would like to bond with possums. So my question is what kind of education did you get? and also any life advice? I love you so so much!!

  48. Avatar Pamela says:

    Miss pearl what would be the best kind of car for me to buy

  49. Avatar Kyle says:

    Ascended Master,
    Will I ever find true love? I’m starting to think it’s a lost cause.

Leave a Reply for Mary Mary