ASK PEARL

Posted By: Admin on April 6, 2010 in - Comments: 652 Comments »

 

Let ME Explain!

 

THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

Share

652 Blessed Comments

  1. Avatar Gojappa says:

    Dear Pearl, Goddess Divine:

    I’m struggling to find meaning in life. I am constantly searching for a sense of purpose to bring me peace, but I can’t seem to find it.

    Pearl, what is my purpose? What is your advice for me?

    With Devotion,
    Gojappa

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      It’s simple, Gojappa. Your purpose in life is to be kind. That upstart ingrate Dali Lama stole that concept from ME. I am tempted to bite him in the dark repeatedly and expose him as the fraud he is, but I resist because I am PEARL. I am KINDNESS, itself.
      So go forth in kindness, my friend. I shall be with you. The Infinite P

  2. Avatar frances says:

    Pearl, I am having a hard time finding a vet in my area who is knowledgeable of opossums. please advise!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      The operative word is ‘exotics’. You are looking for a vet specializing in exotics. Also check with your local wildlife center and/or your state Fish and Wildlife Department. GOod Luck.

  3. Avatar Cathy Brown says:

    Hy P3@Rl-

    H@V!nG $oM3 Tr0Ub/3 w!Th mY N3W K3yb0@Rd. It$ H@Rd t0 tyP3 wH3N u ARE @ F3//0W Squ!RR3L. Any T!p$?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Cathy,
      You need a pliable gullible human for the grunt work. They are often more trouble than they are worth but I’ve yet to find something better. Always looking. Good Luck.

  4. Avatar Tom says:

    What is the single most important problem in my life? I have limited resources and want to allocate them where they will have the greatest impact on my life, as a whole.

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Hi Tom~
      Let’s rethink and rephrase your question: ‘What is the the single most important resource in my life? I have limited problems and want to solve them.’ Identify three reliable pillars in your life and determine how each one could be utilized to address a specific problem. Some problems you hold dear. Leave them to the last.
      Pearl knows. Trust ME.
      P

  5. Avatar Hannah says:

    Dear eternally wise Pearl, how do I know when I have found my true soul mate? I do believe I have and we both bask in the wisdom of your videos and both truly adore possums, but I want to be sure he is really my truest love. We will be getting married in the spring but I was hoping for your approval. Enlighten me!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      O.K., I shall~
      You go through so many lifetimes as so many species that to believe you each have only one soul mate is naive. This one will be your “truest love” so long as you stop looking for anyone truer. Up to you. And congratulations. Don’t get married in May. May has a bad track record as a jumping off point for lasting happiness. And forget about March this year. Really, just wait it out. Either April or June would be swell for human nuptials. Would you like a ME Pearl themed wedding? Talk about the big guns of blessing! Visit our store at http://www.zazzle.com/mepearl. We can design and make available whatever items you wish.
      Your theme song might be:
      The Squirrel that I Marry

      The squirrel that I marry will have to be
      As lithe as a fairy and jump on me
      The squirrel I call my own
      Will be hairy and wary and smell of pinecone.
      The claws will be sharpened and from the paw
      S/he’ll hurl a gardenia at my gaping maw
      ‘Stead of stewin’, I’ll be chewin’
      La la la lalala
      Wrack and ruin….
      Well, maybe not quite the sentiment you’re going for.

      Georgette is an ordained reverend and could preside over the ceremony but I don’t recommend it.
      Her last wedding ended with the happy couple being shipped off to a recycling plant in New Jersey. Don’t ask.
      Above all be happy and remember Pearl loves you.

  6. Avatar elle says:

    dear all-knowing pearl, i am writing to you on a situation i am at peace with but am still looking for closure. do you know what his feelings were specific to our friendship and to us in general? did he miss me when we were apart? thank you so much for spreading your knowledge with us, pearl.

  7. Avatar Vincent Metzger says:

    Hey pearl- my husband betrayed me and allowed someone to hurt my repeatedly. Should I give him a second chance or divorce his sorry a**? Please give me advice.

  8. Avatar Allen Smithee says:

    Who the hell is Georgette Spelvin?

  9. Avatar Shannon says:

    Hello Pearl,
    My family has found a baby opossum that has no eyes at all. He is eating very well and gain weight fast but one thing about him we haven’t be able to fix is his tail. The tip turned black and fell off but what looks like an infection is still going down his tail. Do you know any items we might have at home to help fix his tail?

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      As with all medical concerns you must get to a wildlife vet /exotic specialist immediately. You may be dealing with dermal septic necrosis but only a vet will recognize and know how to treat what you describe. Don’t improvise with an animal’s health. Results can be fatal. Thank you for taking in this disabled joey.

      Your Pal Pearl

  10. Avatar Phil Swift says:

    Dear Pearl,

    Recently, me and my friend were playing a game based on the Prussian Incursion. He got mad at me after I won, and hasn’t spoken to me in weeks – I feel like I lost a friend. How do I get him back? Much thanks!

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Did you prance around the room going nanner nanner nanner?

      That’s usually where those Prussian Incursion games go south.

  11. Avatar Edie and Sophia says:

    Dearest Pearl,
    Do you have any advice for getting into college/pulling a college admissions scandal? Please, we are desperate.
    Thanks! 🙂

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Forget scandals, just pack up basic camping gear and emergency supplies and send the would-be student deep into the forest with the admonition to seek nothing and say nothing. Watch Listen and do what is in front of you to do. If you survive a year and a day come home and know your future. At this point your education, having been supervised by ME, will be far superior to anything a fancy school could provide.

      You’re welcome.

  12. Avatar Mary Mary says:

    Pearl, would you ever hurt anyone? I just find this website a bit disturbing for some reason, and wonder about it. I dont think you would, just want to make sure.

    • MEpearl MEpearl says:

      Sorry to disappoint you, Mary Mary. I am too powerful to be safe. An empty reassurance would diminish my value to you immeasurably. You may come to ME for truth and beauty and a few laughs. Do not come to ME for security. It doesn’t exist.
      Your Pal Pearl

Leave a Reply for Allen Smithee