ASK PEARL
Let ME Explain!
THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!
* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)
Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.
Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.
Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.
I’m sorry for the unfortunate coincidence with the name of your site, and the chalkings on the MSU campus. It’s quite obvious to me at least that you had nothing to do with this, and that whatever organization was chalking did a very poor job in choosing a viral marketing strategy. Sorry for the uneeded hate-mail.
Pearl de Wisdom is rarely baffled but this situation sure is peculiar. Hate mail from the students of Missouri State University. Nope, never saw that one comin’.
Oooh ooh, am I on the campus radio? Maybe this is a good opportunity for ME to remind you not to feed the wildlife that may be hanging about your campus. It unbalances the balance of nature.
But then, so do I.
Pearl of the Great Puzzle
As I ponder Possums, I have started to wonder, “Are humans the only animals with a notion of “faith”? Any thoughts?
Lloyd
No, Lloyd, not at all.
The vast majority of possums and, indeed, all wildlife are wise enough to have faith in ME. Humans would do well to follow their example.
Pearl IS the paradigm.
Self evident, yes?
Dear Pearl,
You are an inspiration. Do you do campus visits? The college crowd could certainly use some of your wisdom.
Thank you,
Sean
Sean! So glad you asked.
I have long wanted to tour campuses, not only for the green grass, trees and free fries but for the opportunity to impart my wisdom to all those poised on the cutting edge. The problem is my albatross channeller who can really muck things up. I pour the sweet syrup of wisdom into her ear and she spews forth this chunky mixed fruit punch with ingredients I’ve never heard of.
It’s an embarrassment, believe you ME.
With an advice column I have a chance to edit and dump the dross until what’s left at least resembles my intention. But on stage I sometimes get so upset and frustrated I just take a powder and leave her on her own. You wouldn’t want that. Nobody wants that.
So, my advice to you, dear Sean, is to be glad that you have ME at all. Keep writing in. Pearl loves you.
What do you mean I’m an embarrassment?
Well, you are!
Am not!
Are to!
Not!
To!
Lalalalalal I can’t hear you, la la la lalala
Your awesome….I love your love for the animals, that’s cool……
Thank you Darryl~
I’ll pass that along to Georgette.
Did you have a question for ME, Pearl?
Now that you’ve found the fount of wisdom, dip in.
Pearl of Perpetual Pith
I’m not really sure i understand you, is the opossum lover separate from the advice giver. Please clear this up for me.
Your ME Pearl Explained video answered my question. So i guess I’ll ask my real question. I have a compost pile on my deck, and i get a nightly visitor from a neighborhood opossum. I have mainly left over fruit, egg shells, breads etc in this pile. Should i move the pile somewhere that she can’t get to, or just leave the situation as is?
I am a squirrel, a dead squirrel. I am THE dead squirrel and the advice giver and lover of all. The opossum lover (ha hahaha hehee yo yo yo, if there be such a thing) is my slave channeller and not worth further consideration, unless there is some dreadful mistake made and then it is all her fault. Am I clear?
Pearl loves you.
Hi pearl. I have two opussoms and yesterday when i returned from work i caught the two mating. WHAT CAN I DO to prevent such a horrid event. HELP
Hi Pearl,
Please help. We had fostered an orphaned opossum about 6 months ago. When he was big enough, we released him in our backyard. Today we found him, stuck in a fence with a broken leg (back left). We do NOT want to call animal control and no veterinary office will see him. He is eating and drinking and doing well overall. He is very special to us, so any advice will be greatly appreciated!
Thank you,
Megan
Hi Meghan,
Contact the National Opossum Society and/or the Opossum Society of the United
States. NOS OSUS
Meanwhile, Friends of Pearl, this site is a resource for you and your health, wealth, heart and happiness concerns.
Although be advised that when it comes to your health I will usually prescribe a bowl of spaghetti.
Genuine wildlife questions are directed to REALITY CHECK on this site, which refers you to active wildlife rehabilitation centers.
P de W
Who is your favorite Republican presidential candidate?
Please remember that I am a squirrel, albeME a dead squirrel. My loyalties lie with defenders of wildlife. Favorite US presidential candidate of any party would have to be Al Gore. Maybe my big Pink Mama could get elected and she’d be my puppet. That’s how it works a lot of times. Ooooh I really like that idea. Getting excited now. Finally a challenge almost worthy of ME.
Thanks SP. You’ve inspired ME.
PEARL for PRESIDENT
Can you removed that question, I didn’t realized that my picture would show up. what the heck.
Drury Student.
Pretty picture removed. Here’s the question:
“It says we can ask you anything and the side walks are screaming at me to ask you a question. So… here it goes.
After dating my boyfriend for a very short time, I lost my virginity to him. Now, I’ve realized I am not ready to keep having sex; how do I tell him that with out him breaking up with me?”
Here’s the answer:
You just tell him. If he breaks up with you that is really really really really really really really good information. You are doing what’s right for you. Allow him to respond by doing what’s right for him. Whatever he decides, you know yourself better now and that is all to the good.
Just be glad you’re not a squirrel. When the right hormones kick in we get bands of bad boys chasing us through the trees. The biggest and baddest catches us and what follows is not pretty. But what follows after that, is.
Pearl- I used your videos to help me groom my opossum and he looks great! Thanks for your help!
Your welcome, Travis~
Now that you have a spiffy opossum, you may be ready to tackle the deeper issues.
When you feel the time is right, Pearl has great pith for you. So gather your courage and LEAP! LEAP! LEAP!
Pearl will catch you, hopefully.
Oh wise and mighty squirrel… i just broke up with my boyfriend. We had only been dating a year but it still stings. Whats the best way to move on? I’ll take a spectral mammals advice before id take my own.
Very wise, Ryan, very wise.
Begin by eating a plateful of spaghetti (I’m assuming you’re a human. Otherwise you may prefer a pile of worms). There, now breathe. Accept your first invitation. All is well.
Do squirrels like birds and possums?
Mais oui. Bien sur. Squirrels are little love magnets. You won’t find us setting up house together, however.Needs vary regardless of affection. Why do you ask?
Should we get a new kitten to keep or current cat company?
Yes. Or another grown cat or a dog. Pearl thinks you are right about a youngster.
Keep cats indoors, please. Wild babies out there.
Pearl, Protector of the Innocent
Hi Pretty Pearl,
Some may call you a limb rat, but I think you’re cute. Shawn and Glenn at work used to call me possum. What do you think of that and do you have a day job? And, if this IS your day job, good for you!
Patty
Hi Pearl- is there any way you can have a giveway? I would really like a t-shirt but the money is tight
LOVE YOU~
Hi Makenzee,
Pearlie Mae LOVES give-aways. Send ME an inventory of all your stuff and let’s see what I want.
Meanwhile, the shirts are not mine to give away. They don’t even exist until ordered from a company called Viral Prints.
But I do have lots and lots and lots and lots of nut shells and left foot socks.
Your favorite tripod,
Pearl
Dear Pearl,
I have a bit of a dilemna. You see, over the summer, I made some not very good decisions that caused my best friend to end our friendship. We didn’t talk for a couple weeks, then she apologized and I apologized and everything was alright between us. But ever since then, we barely talk and barely say a “Hi.” when we pass one another in the hallway. I really miss her, Pearl, and would do anything in the world to get close with her again. Any advice?
Dear Smalltowngirl,
Tell your friend exactly what you just told ME. If it’s hard to talk now then send her a copy of this email. Also, make a list of all the reasons that you like this person and tell her. Pearlie Mae knows that your sentiments are deep and genuine. Your friend will know this too, and your friendship will be better and stronger than before. Be glad for what you have learned. Pearl believes in both of you.
If your friend is stubborn, send her to ME. All is well.
Your Pal Pearl
Dear Pearl,
I’m an adoring fan of yours.
I dated (briefly, 2 months) a charismatic borderline sociopath who is serving time in jail now & we had a complicated casual relationship. He partly sponsored my art & took care of me. I like the mental games he plays as I cut any bs easily & it’s fun to keep me on my toes. I also have conditional tendencies to be borderline sociopath in dating so in a lot of ways we relate & understand each other very well. He & I tend to treat the world as if it were a game to hack, that most people are just more puzzles to figure out, hack, & are perhaps commodity, especially in our non-exclusive dating lives (which we are honest to each other about). He’s more of a pathological liar & further on the sociopathic scale, so I never take what he says seriously also never get hurt when he confesses “truth” later, or if any plans made gets stood up. As a busy girl, I already triple book plans constantly & I’m used to going to all the other options that need to be taken care of. Then when we pick up again the next time we’re still on the same page. Always. Never any hard feelings on anyone not taken seriously from the beginning. (Perhaps emotional protection on my behalf.) It was nice.
ANYWAY he could disappear & I could never hear from him again. Not just out of his decision when getting out & me being “cold turkey,” but he could get deported after serving time. He did say, “I’d let you know if I didn’t want to see you,” which I’m not sure about.
I could never see or hear from him again, making this the most fascinating story & him one of the most intelligent & interesting people I have ever met, my “favorite criminal, my wolf.” It could be as if it was all a dream yet my greatest game of the year that I will never forget yet never completely get to figure out entirely. I was never bored. I thought I was winning the game, trying to get him to fall for me so I would be the one without the bruised ego & with the power to leave if I get bored. Oh the power complexes we have and this bad romance! We may never find out…
For the record I already made backup plans around my sponsored art to be self sustainable. I also never fall in love, save once. So he has nothing on me.
Do you think I’ll see him again? I want to continue our relationship where we both mutually & politically benefit each other. Last said to me was, “I’m really glad I met you.”
Love love love XOXO,
The Adventuress
Constantly searching for power and interesting people
Player trying to play the big bad wolf player
I hear ya, Sister.
Now scamper, girl, SCAMPER!
My borderline sociopath was Stockton Du Pres. He broke my heart. You may think you don’t have a breakable heart but you do, or you wouldn’t be an artist.
The world of Art is filled with fellows who will entertain and enrich you. This one is simply fertilizer for future oeuvres. Quality adventures await. You can recognize Quality; you wrote to ME.
Hi 5~
The artist currently know as Pearl
Dearest Pearl,
I have long recognized the deep and eternal wisdom of the rodent world. In this life I have had 54 wonderful members of a rattie family. They taught me so very much that has enriched my life. They have long since transcended this mortal phase, and as such, I must turn to you at this time for advice.
My life has changed completely, but I gave up everything I had to do new things in the name of love. He is human, but he’s a damn good one. I have gone back to college, and given up the life of a professional truck driver. I am 42, and a little scared of completely reinventing myself. This fear is mostly because I never had anyone else that was worth taking care of and now for the first time ever, I do.
I know my ratties would tell me, live, love, and enjoy, but I wanted your input. Do you think I’ll be okay, I mean, as okay as any of us ever are?
Thank you for hanging around to dispense your gentle intervention on humanity. Have a most lovely eternity!
Mel.
Mazel Tov, Melanie!
But…a word to the besotted. Humans were never meant to take the place of companion animals. We rejoice in your happiness and, yes, you will be more than O.K., guaranteed. However, and this is important, do NOT completely reinvent yourself. The self who has loved and learned from 54 rats is worth preserving.
P de Infinite W
My boyfriend still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Should I just move on or wait until he realize that he has feeling for me?
Hi Lindy~
The first thing to determine is just what the term “my boyfriend” means to you. If the definition can truly include “is in love with somebody else” then you may wish to re-evaluate the value of having one at all.
Fly free, my friend.
There are squirrels all over the forest.
Your Pal,
Pearl de
Hey, where did we go?
The days when the rains came
Down in the hollow
Playing a new game
Laughing and a-runnin’, hey, hey
Skipping and a-jumpin’
In the misty morning fog with
Our hearts a-thumpin’ and you
My brown eyed squirrel
You, my brown eyed squirrel
And whatever happened
To Tuesday and so slow?
Going down the old mine
With a transistor radio
Standing in the sunlight, laughing
Hiding behind a rainbow’s wall
Slipping and sliding
All along the waterfall with you
My brown eyed squirrel
You, my brown eyed squirrel
Do you remember when we used to sing?
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
Just like that
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
La te da
So hard to find my way
Now that I’m all on my own
I saw you just the other day
My, you have grown
Cast my memory back there, Lord
Sometimes, I’m overcome thinking about
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium with you
My brown eyed squirrel
You, my brown eyed squirrel
Do you remember when we used to sing?
Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da
Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da
Sha la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da
Dear Freak Without Equal,
It seems to ME I’ve heard this song before, but never lovelier.
Yes, yes,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
Just like that
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
La te da
Pearl, the Pushover, when it comes to Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
Howdy Pearl! this site and all the comments fill my heart with such pride and passion. The universe is so vast and amazing and i often think that perhaps everyone is a god in their own way. We all contain so much power, but we often times get so scared of this big world of ours. We lose track of our true potential. When you are a kid, pearl you know everything and when you fear things its the most beautiful kind of fear its the kind that shouts,beckoning at the darkness “I’m scared but so unbelievably curious!!” I’m only 19 years old and some might think me young and inexperienced but i feel in my soul and in the soul of the world that i have lived many times over i have so very very very very very much to learn and i cant wait.
please advise me
anything will help thank you pearl i hope you have a wonderful day (or however you folks measure time)
have a wonderful qwornton
Howdy Friend~
Since you ask, my advice to you is ‘ LISTEN with enthusiasm and an eager heart.’
Your Pal, Pearl
Greetings Pearl!! I was wondering if you have a Facebook page. If so, I invite you to partake in a friendly game of “Words with Friends”. I have been playing on a daily basis and find it to be quite enlightening. You obviously have internet access “over there” so I was surprised that a Fb search came up blank for MEpearl. Please let me know how to find you so I can add you to my friends list. Peace be with you always…Nw
Greetings northwren, lovely name~
You must understand that I communicate primarily by channeling through my human, Georgette. She has limitations, to put it kindly. I cannot allow her to play games or frolic on Facebook or she may get lost entirely.
She’s a good soul and, truth to tell, I’m lucky to have her, but keeping focused is not her strong suit.
And so you will understand why I must decline your kind offer to play in order to stay focused on my true calling as the giver of serious advice.
And my advice to you, northwren, is PLAY!
Pearl the Pragmatist
I have a VERY pregnant opossum in our sunken garden living, I believe, beneath one pine tree in the corner. The problem is my dogs run free in that area several times a day. She’s occasionally barked at but just retreats under the pine I’m concerned, though, about babies when they start playing out of the nest.. any suggestions?
This inquiry is best directed to the National Opossum Society and/or the Opossum Society of the United States.
Dear blessed Pearl of Wisdom,
I wish to devote my life to the care of animals, especially wild animals much like yourself (yet living, of course). Not to bore you with mundane details, but I have a relevant college degree and am pursuing another. I’ve also volunteered for quite some time in wildlife rehabilitation and this work is very rewarding. However, I cannot find a paying job either at a wildlife center or at a vet’s office, and frankly others in my life are tired of supporting me and my pets and animal friends. What shall I do? Or what, O Holy Rodent of the Bushy Tail, O Wondrous Leaper in the Trees of Heaven, can you do for me?
Dear Sylva,
Pearl likes you! You have a certain je ne sais quoi that appeals to ME.
Yes yes I understand your situation and I will help you.
Do you play the accordion?
Pearl, Planner of Your Future
Where do we go after death?
Hi Radcliff,
Many go out the window and land in the upper branch of the closest tree. From there they watch for a time before taking a leap of faith and landing on my doorstep. This can be scary, especially if you are a narwhal. With ME you get your happy feet and learn to chatterbark and make funny faces and then you are off to the Big Surprise. I can’t be any more specific because then it wouldn’t be a surprise. Not to worry, everybody who is anybody survives death.
The Hostess with the Mostest,
Pearl de W.
Dear Pearl,
I have rescued a possum and have gone through the channels to get a permit for her and and learn how to properly care for her. But something I was never told and never thought of myself was how to trim my possum, Olivia’s nails. She’s still small about 4 months old and her nails are starting to get stuck on a couple of things when she climbs in my closet so I need to help her and trim them but I don’t know how, or how far to cut them I want to make sure I don’t hurt her. Please help!
Are you fur real?
I AM. It’s ME! Pearl. Fur real and furEVER. Come join the parade!
Pearl de Wisdom and de oh, just everything
Dear ME Pearl, I love what you have done with your human. She is wonderful. I think you have a wonderful website filled with so much enlightenment that it brings such joy to my dire life even if for just a brief momment. My joy can be extended with a bit of help that can only be administered from inside the spirit world in which you reside. I need you to find Loki and get him to leave me alone. He has been playing tricks with my life causing accidents and spreading lies and blaming me for things that I have not done and setting me up for huge failure after failure. This has been going on for all 41 lousy years of my life and I am sick of it. I am not the person he has made me out to be and he needs to stop. ME Pearl must stop his games. Please help me all powerful squirrel….
Carl,
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, we try.
Loki can be a problem. It’s mostly the negative influence of his siblings, Helblindi and Býleistr. Best advice is stop believing in him. He gets by on your energy alone so reclaim that energy and go build a tree house. I LOVE tree houses.
Your Arboreal Buddy,
ME, Pearl
ME Pearl,
How does your PM avoid being alienated by those around her? Your channeling must be nothing short of unusual to other people. I know my own eccentricities can be offsetting to others at times.
Honestly,Lyndy, I don’t worry about it. Alienation is a two way thruway and if PM gets run over, well, there are plenty more where she came from. The road to greatness is strewn with sacrifices. Boo hoo and bye bye.
Pearl the Pragmatist
Dear wise Pearl,
Are you an alien who has come to dominate our world?
Tell me more about yourself..
From the land of enchantment,
Baspen Wherabal
Dear Baspen,
Perhaps. Much as I am inspired by talking about ME, this venue is for you to tell ME about you. Whatever burdens weigh heavy on your heart, head or body may be safely shared with Pearl. You can also lighten your burden by sending me stuff. Mes petit furry bras sont overt pour recevoir n’import de quois.
Pearl of the Open Arms
Hi Pearl!
You are an amazing being and I look up to you very much!! My band, Holiday Mountain, and I were led to you because our drummer kept being pointed in the direction of the oppossum. We live in Austin. Where do you live? I would love to be your friend. I respect you very much.
Laura Patino, you ARE my friend. Pearl predicts a very positive life transition as a result of Holiday Mountain but it will not come at a Holiday and only after a journey through a deep and winding valley.
Be not afraid. THE VALUE IS IN THE VALLEY. Look closely, experience fully.The Mountain is simply the place from which to sing your story.
Pearl of Prophesy
Dear Pearl,
I certainly pray that the Mayans were incorrect about December 21, or that some who predict a Zombie Apocalypse are wrong. What advice do you have for survival? And is it true that only squirrels and opossum will survive, like “Planet of the Apes”, but rather “Planet of the Squirrels and Opossum”?
Thank you for all you do.
DC
Dear Denis~
December 21 heralds in a major shift in consciousness.
The greatness that is ME, among other things, will be perceived by the many rather than the few, which has heretofore been most frustrating for ME.
You will be there.
You will be glad.
You are welcome.
Pearl
Oh great opossum master, I must ask, how do I get my picture on the pearls pals page? I’d love to be presented with the other spiritual masters on that page.
P.s, thank you opossum god.
Dear L C,
It is not easy becoming a Pearl’s Pal. Pearl loves you but that doesn’t mean she wants to be associated with you publicly…or privately.
There are steps, many steps in this process.
Begin by telling ME why you feel worthy to be a Pal o’ Mine.
We do accept credit cards and Pay Pal. See PayPearl yellow buttons on many of our website pages.
Character counts, too. And a solid raison d’etre. If this initial evaluation proves positive, then you must send ME a picture, body hair and tufted ears a plus.
Okey Dokey?
Pearl, Your Possible Pal..or not
Hello ME Pearl and Big Pink Mamma,
We’re wondering something. You (Pearl) get so much attention on this site but what about your Mamma? What’s her story? How did she come to have so many animals follow her. She seems like the Second Coming for animals/humans. Can she cross the barrier into the animal realm?
Namaste,
Whinnie and Ray
Hi Whinnie,
Since you ask, Pink Mama is a waste of space. I’ve been trying to unload her for years. I could achieve The Impossible Dream without that albatross around my neck. She can’t cross the barrier into the kitchen. But thank you for asking.
Pearl the Put Upon
I bought two shirts!…so whats it take to get a question answered here you little rodent? :/
Answered by private email. Be careful how you talk to Pearl only maybe this time she deserved it.
Pearl the Abashed
We thank you for responding our fuzzy friend. The information you provided is a huge help and greatly appreciated.
Dear Pearl,
My dilema is another Man drama. I have been with this guy for a year when we first started dating he wasn’t taking me serious and flirted with other girls, I stopped talking to
Him and he realized he wanted a relationship. It was amazing, than we broke up for a month without talking because I got upset that he didn’t put on his facebook we were in a relationship, & he still had all those girls he flirted with on his friends. We gave it a shot and he now deleted facebook but we still fight all the time and I end up saying sorry all the time. I just want to be ok with him, have a happy relationship. What should I do?
Ritzy,
Please note that in sentence two you capitalize ‘Him’ mid phrase. That’s the problem right there, girlfriend. You’ve already made so many mistakes with this one that he’s only salvageable now as a practice man.
But that’s good ’cause it’s just what you need. Your Drama Diva needs a good work out. If you’re lucky you can work it all the way out of your system before your ‘keeper’(no, not the zoo type, the other type ) shows up. Oh, and stop apologizing. Stop it. Don’t do it anymore. Give yourself a month without apologizing and see if you don’t like yourself better at the end of it. This advice is NOT for everybody but it IS for you, Ritzy.
The Pearl de Wisdom has spoken. Let she who has whiskers twitch knowingly.
Dear MEPearl
What does your channeler, Ms. Spelvin, do in her spare time? Does she have a job? Is she a Mrs.? Is she a mother, or possibly (although she doesn’t look it) a grandmother? Does she like the Ford Mustang? We, your loyal subjects, would like to know more about your beautiful channeler!
Well that’s all very nice, Ask, Seek, Knock, but Ms. Spelvin belongs entirely to ME. There is no spare time or personal life. When one is a Priestess of Pearl, one is bound for life to the service of ME.
This comes with many perks and enrichment activities. We may be seeking initiates in your town soon. Remember to remain on ‘Squirrel Alert’. You’ll be glad you did.
Pearl
This is an opossum rescue question. We found a baby opossum and all of the rescue centers are full. The animal shelter will just euthanize it. What can we do?
Contact the national Opossum Society and/or the Oppossum Society of the United States and follow their online instructions on how to care for and release an orphaned opossum. If it’s young enough to need tubing, take it to your local veterinarian and get a lesson on how to do it.
Good luck.