ASK PEARL

Posted By: Admin on April 6, 2010 in - Comments: 437 Comments »

 

Let ME Explain!

 

THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

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437 Blessed Comments

  1. Fabula Zenobia says:

    I’m afraid the Illuminati is going to take my opossum. I am worried that the government is working with the aliens because my opossum has been acting weird and I believe it is because he is sensing something. The Illuminati has been big with the teenagers of this generation and I’m scared they will take my opossum because I know he knows something. How can I protect my opossum, so it can in turn protect me?

  2. bryn martin says:

    hi lord of the squirrels, pearl. i have had bad luck with relationships forever…..will i get a boyfriend this month? will give 7 acorn 4 ur response. thx.
    bryn

  3. Fabula Zenobia says:

    Is there any way that I and my friend can meet you, perhaps over videochat? I am very intrigued by you and I want to see if you are real and not a deity.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey Fab,
      I, ME Pearl, am an ascended squirrel currently residing in a galaxy far far away so, whereas the idea of a videochat is kinda sweet and all, the true logistics would cause exploding brains all over the universe and I don’t think you want that.
      Best be pleased with the contact we have. It’s already well beyond mind boggling, Yes? Yes!
      Time to revisit the last line of Mrs. Skeffington.
      Whisker Brush~
      Pearl

  4. lily says:

    Hello ME pearl,
    I am 11 years old and I think your videos are very cute and funny. I (like many other kids my age) want to be an artist when I grow up but it is hard to make a good career out of it so what do you think would make my art unique?

    • MEpearl says:

      What IS your art, Lily? Do you Paint? Draw? Sculpt? Do animation? Sing? Dance? Write novels or poems or lyrics? Perform? Design homes or clothing or jewelry? Walk the high wire? Play the piano or banjo or accordion? Make Proper Possum Care videos? Decorate Cakes? Yodel?
      Once we know what your art is, Lily, then we can make it unique.
      For a human, 11 years is a fine age to figure out your gifts and ambitions. For a squirrel, we handle it at about 4 months.
      Good Luck, Lily~
      Get back to ME.
      Your Pal, Pearl

  5. Nikay says:

    Dearest Mother Pearl,

    I am suffering from hyperthyroid disorder–my thyroid acts in a way that is not pleasing to my mind nor my bowels. My “doctor” (I don’t believe in modern medicine) tells me I need to be cut open and have it ripped from my flesh, but I don’t believe her. Instead, I come to you, great Pearl, for your wisdom and advice. What path must I take? Hasten in your response, please, the thyroid is getting to be unbearable.

    En omnia perotis,
    N

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Nikay~
      First, do not panic. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Worst case scenario is that you come visit ME for a few weeks while you figure out your next move. SO MANY OPTIONS and I’m the best hostess ever. Lots of nut souffles and hickory daiquiris.
      However, if you are not yet ready for your transition you may just have to let Missy Doctor cut you open and rip that gland from your flesh. You have “doctor” in quotes. Does that mean she just plays one on TV? Then, no, don’t let her do it.
      My family always knew how to heal everything naturally, with Mother Nature. Then I had this terrible accident as a baby and would have died of fever if this big pink human hadn’t scooped me up and and raced me off to her own Missy Doctor who cut off my leg. I loved my leg but to leave it attached would have ruined everything.
      At first it was hard to learn to live with a missing part but I did it. You can do it. If they give you a choice have them remove your leg instead. I have a whole bunch of tips to share on how to get through that. But they probably won’t.
      Most of us, including ME, believe that if our mind is just strong enough or pure enough or laser focused enough, we can think our way well. But I couldn’t do it and I’m PEARL for Pearl’s sake.
      Of course all that was before I became a megalomaniac and took over the operation of the Universe. You are right to look to ME for salvation but think beyond the one small Gilmore Girl loving body you currently possess. Meanwhile, stay away from seafood as presumably they have always extended you the same courtesy.
      Keep processing, Nikay~
      Pearl LOVES you.
      Keep the Faith.

  6. Brippy Dingle says:

    Hi – we are wondering when did you first realize you were an ascended squirrel? At birth? Also, as a huge rodent fan myself, how do you acquire your opossums? And where? And when? And why?

    xoxo
    Brippy Dingle

    • Brippy Dingle says:

      Hi perfect Pear,
      we have been checking your website awaiting a response every day and our souls have been crushed thus far :(
      we really wish to hear from you
      you are a goddess and we are your biggest fans

      • MEpearl says:

        Please accept a rare apology from ME, Pearl. Your reply has somehow dematerialized and so, here again are your questions and my wise response.
        “Hi – we are wondering when did you first realize you were an ascended squirrel? At birth? Also, as a huge rodent fan myself, how do you acquire your opossums? And where? And when? And why?”
        I realized that I was an ascended squirrel when I became one, at death. One can’t ascend at birth or there is no life at all and LIFE must not be wasted.
        Do you mean you are a huge fan or a fan of huge rodents? Either way, as the quintessential rodent, Brava.
        Possums, on the other paw, are marsupials and entirely the domain of my pet human, Georgette. Where she gets them is a mystery. I suspect there’s an active black market for possums somewhere. Personally I think a ‘Proper Alpaca Care’ series would be more interesting.
        Keep connected, Noodles.
        Pearl Loves You!

  7. sabcine says:

    Why isn’t your shop working? I would like to buy them “tacky” shirts

    • MEpearl says:

      New store is being set up even as we type. Tacky t-shirts are just the beginning.
      Keep the faith!
      This WILL happen, unless it doesn’t.
      But it WILL.

  8. Eliav says:

    I am a student at college, and I have reached a spiritual crossroad. Lightly I have been questioning my identity, do I follow the path that I have started on, or do I forge a new path into uncharted, and even dangerous territory? I await your guidance.

    Thank you, you provide me with hope.

    • MEpearl says:

      Why do either when I can provide you with a ducky little cult right here?
      Have you not been paying attention?
      ME, here, now, it’s so simple. You are already home, Eliav. Welcome.
      And “lightly” is exactly how you should be questioning your identity.
      Pearl, purveyor oF all spiritual wisdom and grace and other stuff~

  9. carina says:

    hi pearl,,,,,

    i am a big fan of your videos but i am afraid that my dog is turning into an opossum. over the last few months his snout has gotten abnormally large and he seems he to be growing finer, straighter hair much like the hair of an opossum. his legs have also decreased in size and he has gained much weight and has become very short and stubby,,,, should i be worried? please respond pearl,,,,,you are my only hope to figure out this satanic situation

    much love,
    carina

  10. Taylor says:

    Hi Pearl, I just had a few questions for you. Do you find that Georgette does an adequate job speaking on your behalf? What made you choose her as your pet human? Also, do you have any idea on what the future holds for human kind as a whole?
    Thank you for your time, Pearl.

    • MEpearl says:

      Good question, Taylor!
      Georgette is an imbecile!!!
      I sent out a call and she was the only one who heard it. There must be a channel into the human world for ME, so being a pragmatist, I took what was there. Am always on the look-out for a better one.
      The future of human kind depends entirely on respecting your mother. Gaia. Those who do must prevail over those who don’t.
      Watch the wildlife. We understand.
      Pearl, who appreciates getting straight to the point along with a nice plate of spaghetti now and again.

  11. Skippy and Moonpie says:

    Dearest Pearl de Wisdom,
    We are going off to college soon and we don’t know what direction our lives should be going in. Could you offer any sage squirrel advice on how to move on to bigger and better things?
    Much love,
    Skippy McTuggins and Moonpie Pip

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