ASK PEARL

Posted By: Admin on April 6, 2010 in - Comments: 363 Comments »

 

Let ME Explain!

 

THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

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363 Blessed Comments

  1. SorryPearl says:

    I’m sorry for the unfortunate coincidence with the name of your site, and the chalkings on the MSU campus. It’s quite obvious to me at least that you had nothing to do with this, and that whatever organization was chalking did a very poor job in choosing a viral marketing strategy. Sorry for the uneeded hate-mail.

    • pearl says:

      Pearl de Wisdom is rarely baffled but this situation sure is peculiar. Hate mail from the students of Missouri State University. Nope, never saw that one comin’.
      Oooh ooh, am I on the campus radio? Maybe this is a good opportunity for ME to remind you not to feed the wildlife that may be hanging about your campus. It unbalances the balance of nature.
      But then, so do I.
      Pearl of the Great Puzzle

    • opposita says:

      Hi MEPearl,
      WE are your biggest fans and have a favor to ask you. Is there any way you would like to come to our green house to lecture us? We live in Canada and if you reply yes to this offer, we can give more info… We have opossum in our greenhouse and they are very happy there. We would love it if you could also come and stimulate their vertebrae. We have one more question to ask. How do you keep opossum in your house? Thanks so much and peace out Pearl! Look forward for seeing you in Canada.

      Love, Mimi and Gigi
      Peace, Love, Oposum <3

      P.S. the flight will be paired for and we would be delighted to put you in business class and we can reserve seats for you opossum as well. As for housing, our lodge in the mountains would be an ideal spot for you and your opsum. We have an opossum massage room as well as a playpen for possercize.

      • pearl says:

        Dear Mimi and Gigi,
        There is every way that Georgette, the human, would like to come to your greenhouse in Canada but ME, Pearl, the squirrel, must keep her on a short leash to preclude her developing interests other than ME. Please check out the video ‘ME Pearl Explained’ to better understand the relationship. Meanwhile, we send you a cornucopia of appreciation for your support and fanship.
        Glad you are enjoying opossum love. Be sure to keep them warm.
        Your Pal, Pearlie Mae

  2. Lloyd Heslip says:

    As I ponder Possums, I have started to wonder, “Are humans the only animals with a notion of “faith”? Any thoughts?
    Lloyd

    • pearl says:

      No, Lloyd, not at all.
      The vast majority of possums and, indeed, all wildlife are wise enough to have faith in ME. Humans would do well to follow their example.
      Pearl IS the paradigm.
      Self evident, yes?

  3. Sean says:

    Dear Pearl,

    You are an inspiration. Do you do campus visits? The college crowd could certainly use some of your wisdom.

    Thank you,
    Sean

    • pearl says:

      Sean! So glad you asked.
      I have long wanted to tour campuses, not only for the green grass, trees and free fries but for the opportunity to impart my wisdom to all those poised on the cutting edge. The problem is my albatross channeller who can really muck things up. I pour the sweet syrup of wisdom into her ear and she spews forth this chunky mixed fruit punch with ingredients I’ve never heard of.
      It’s an embarrassment, believe you ME.
      With an advice column I have a chance to edit and dump the dross until what’s left at least resembles my intention. But on stage I sometimes get so upset and frustrated I just take a powder and leave her on her own. You wouldn’t want that. Nobody wants that.
      So, my advice to you, dear Sean, is to be glad that you have ME at all. Keep writing in. Pearl loves you.
      What do you mean I’m an embarrassment?
      Well, you are!
      Am not!
      Are to!
      Not!
      To!
      Lalalalalal I can’t hear you, la la la lalala

  4. darryl says:

    Your awesome….I love your love for the animals, that’s cool……

    • pearl says:

      Thank you Darryl~
      I’ll pass that along to Georgette.
      Did you have a question for ME, Pearl?
      Now that you’ve found the fount of wisdom, dip in.
      Pearl of Perpetual Pith

  5. Ryan of Louisville says:

    I’m not really sure i understand you, is the opossum lover separate from the advice giver. Please clear this up for me.

    • Ryan of Louisville says:

      Your ME Pearl Explained video answered my question. So i guess I’ll ask my real question. I have a compost pile on my deck, and i get a nightly visitor from a neighborhood opossum. I have mainly left over fruit, egg shells, breads etc in this pile. Should i move the pile somewhere that she can’t get to, or just leave the situation as is?

    • pearl says:

      I am a squirrel, a dead squirrel. I am THE dead squirrel and the advice giver and lover of all. The opossum lover (ha hahaha hehee yo yo yo, if there be such a thing) is my slave channeller and not worth further consideration, unless there is some dreadful mistake made and then it is all her fault. Am I clear?
      Pearl loves you.

  6. Judy says:

    Hi pearl. I have two opussoms and yesterday when i returned from work i caught the two mating. WHAT CAN I DO to prevent such a horrid event. HELP

  7. Megan says:

    Hi Pearl,

    Please help. We had fostered an orphaned opossum about 6 months ago. When he was big enough, we released him in our backyard. Today we found him, stuck in a fence with a broken leg (back left). We do NOT want to call animal control and no veterinary office will see him. He is eating and drinking and doing well overall. He is very special to us, so any advice will be greatly appreciated!

    Thank you,
    Megan

    • pearl says:

      Hi Meghan,
      Contact the National Opossum Society and/or the Opossum Society of the United
      States. NOS OSUS
      Meanwhile, Friends of Pearl, this site is a resource for you and your health, wealth, heart and happiness concerns.
      Although be advised that when it comes to your health I will usually prescribe a bowl of spaghetti.
      Genuine wildlife questions are directed to REALITY CHECK on this site, which refers you to active wildlife rehabilitation centers.
      P de W

  8. SP says:

    Who is your favorite Republican presidential candidate?

    • pearl says:

      Please remember that I am a squirrel, albeME a dead squirrel. My loyalties lie with defenders of wildlife. Favorite US presidential candidate of any party would have to be Al Gore. Maybe my big Pink Mama could get elected and she’d be my puppet. That’s how it works a lot of times. Ooooh I really like that idea. Getting excited now. Finally a challenge almost worthy of ME.
      Thanks SP. You’ve inspired ME.
      PEARL for PRESIDENT

  9. pearl says:

    Pretty picture removed. Here’s the question:
    “It says we can ask you anything and the side walks are screaming at me to ask you a question. So… here it goes.
    After dating my boyfriend for a very short time, I lost my virginity to him. Now, I’ve realized I am not ready to keep having sex; how do I tell him that with out him breaking up with me?”
    Here’s the answer:
    You just tell him. If he breaks up with you that is really really really really really really really good information. You are doing what’s right for you. Allow him to respond by doing what’s right for him. Whatever he decides, you know yourself better now and that is all to the good.
    Just be glad you’re not a squirrel. When the right hormones kick in we get bands of bad boys chasing us through the trees. The biggest and baddest catches us and what follows is not pretty. But what follows after that, is.

  10. Travis says:

    Pearl- I used your videos to help me groom my opossum and he looks great! Thanks for your help!

    • pearl says:

      Your welcome, Travis~
      Now that you have a spiffy opossum, you may be ready to tackle the deeper issues.
      When you feel the time is right, Pearl has great pith for you. So gather your courage and LEAP! LEAP! LEAP!
      Pearl will catch you, hopefully.

  11. Ryan Miller says:

    Oh wise and mighty squirrel… i just broke up with my boyfriend. We had only been dating a year but it still stings. Whats the best way to move on? I’ll take a spectral mammals advice before id take my own.

    • pearl says:

      Very wise, Ryan, very wise.
      Begin by eating a plateful of spaghetti (I’m assuming you’re a human. Otherwise you may prefer a pile of worms). There, now breathe. Accept your first invitation. All is well.

  12. goofus says:

    Do squirrels like birds and possums?

    • pearl says:

      Mais oui. Bien sur. Squirrels are little love magnets. You won’t find us setting up house together, however.Needs vary regardless of affection. Why do you ask?

  13. Cdeahm says:

    Should we get a new kitten to keep or current cat company?

    • pearl says:

      Yes. Or another grown cat or a dog. Pearl thinks you are right about a youngster.
      Keep cats indoors, please. Wild babies out there.
      Pearl, Protector of the Innocent

  14. Patty says:

    Hi Pretty Pearl,
    Some may call you a limb rat, but I think you’re cute. Shawn and Glenn at work used to call me possum. What do you think of that and do you have a day job? And, if this IS your day job, good for you!
    Patty

  15. makenzee says:

    Hi Pearl- is there any way you can have a giveway? I would really like a t-shirt but the money is tight :(
    LOVE YOU~

    • pearl says:

      Hi Makenzee,
      Pearlie Mae LOVES give-aways. Send ME an inventory of all your stuff and let’s see what I want.
      Meanwhile, the shirts are not mine to give away. They don’t even exist until ordered from a company called Viral Prints.
      But I do have lots and lots and lots and lots of nut shells and left foot socks.
      Your favorite tripod,
      Pearl

  16. SmallTownGirl says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I have a bit of a dilemna. You see, over the summer, I made some not very good decisions that caused my best friend to end our friendship. We didn’t talk for a couple weeks, then she apologized and I apologized and everything was alright between us. But ever since then, we barely talk and barely say a “Hi.” when we pass one another in the hallway. I really miss her, Pearl, and would do anything in the world to get close with her again. Any advice?

    • pearl says:

      Dear Smalltowngirl,
      Tell your friend exactly what you just told ME. If it’s hard to talk now then send her a copy of this email. Also, make a list of all the reasons that you like this person and tell her. Pearlie Mae knows that your sentiments are deep and genuine. Your friend will know this too, and your friendship will be better and stronger than before. Be glad for what you have learned. Pearl believes in both of you.
      If your friend is stubborn, send her to ME. All is well.
      Your Pal Pearl

  17. The Adventuress says:

    Dear Pearl,

    I’m an adoring fan of yours.

    I dated (briefly, 2 months) a charismatic borderline sociopath who is serving time in jail now & we had a complicated casual relationship. He partly sponsored my art & took care of me. I like the mental games he plays as I cut any bs easily & it’s fun to keep me on my toes. I also have conditional tendencies to be borderline sociopath in dating so in a lot of ways we relate & understand each other very well. He & I tend to treat the world as if it were a game to hack, that most people are just more puzzles to figure out, hack, & are perhaps commodity, especially in our non-exclusive dating lives (which we are honest to each other about). He’s more of a pathological liar & further on the sociopathic scale, so I never take what he says seriously also never get hurt when he confesses “truth” later, or if any plans made gets stood up. As a busy girl, I already triple book plans constantly & I’m used to going to all the other options that need to be taken care of. Then when we pick up again the next time we’re still on the same page. Always. Never any hard feelings on anyone not taken seriously from the beginning. (Perhaps emotional protection on my behalf.) It was nice.

    ANYWAY he could disappear & I could never hear from him again. Not just out of his decision when getting out & me being “cold turkey,” but he could get deported after serving time. He did say, “I’d let you know if I didn’t want to see you,” which I’m not sure about.
    I could never see or hear from him again, making this the most fascinating story & him one of the most intelligent & interesting people I have ever met, my “favorite criminal, my wolf.” It could be as if it was all a dream yet my greatest game of the year that I will never forget yet never completely get to figure out entirely. I was never bored. I thought I was winning the game, trying to get him to fall for me so I would be the one without the bruised ego & with the power to leave if I get bored. Oh the power complexes we have and this bad romance! We may never find out…

    For the record I already made backup plans around my sponsored art to be self sustainable. I also never fall in love, save once. So he has nothing on me.

    Do you think I’ll see him again? I want to continue our relationship where we both mutually & politically benefit each other. Last said to me was, “I’m really glad I met you.”

    Love love love XOXO,
    The Adventuress
    Constantly searching for power and interesting people
    Player trying to play the big bad wolf player

    • pearl says:

      I hear ya, Sister.
      Now scamper, girl, SCAMPER!
      My borderline sociopath was Stockton Du Pres. He broke my heart. You may think you don’t have a breakable heart but you do, or you wouldn’t be an artist.
      The world of Art is filled with fellows who will entertain and enrich you. This one is simply fertilizer for future oeuvres. Quality adventures await. You can recognize Quality; you wrote to ME.
      Hi 5~
      The artist currently know as Pearl

  18. Melanie Loyer says:

    Dearest Pearl,

    I have long recognized the deep and eternal wisdom of the rodent world. In this life I have had 54 wonderful members of a rattie family. They taught me so very much that has enriched my life. They have long since transcended this mortal phase, and as such, I must turn to you at this time for advice.

    My life has changed completely, but I gave up everything I had to do new things in the name of love. He is human, but he’s a damn good one. I have gone back to college, and given up the life of a professional truck driver. I am 42, and a little scared of completely reinventing myself. This fear is mostly because I never had anyone else that was worth taking care of and now for the first time ever, I do.

    I know my ratties would tell me, live, love, and enjoy, but I wanted your input. Do you think I’ll be okay, I mean, as okay as any of us ever are?

    Thank you for hanging around to dispense your gentle intervention on humanity. Have a most lovely eternity! :)

    Mel.

    • pearl says:

      Mazel Tov, Melanie!
      But…a word to the besotted. Humans were never meant to take the place of companion animals. We rejoice in your happiness and, yes, you will be more than O.K., guaranteed. However, and this is important, do NOT completely reinvent yourself. The self who has loved and learned from 54 rats is worth preserving.
      P de Infinite W

  19. lindy says:

    My boyfriend still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Should I just move on or wait until he realize that he has feeling for me?

    • pearl says:

      Hi Lindy~
      The first thing to determine is just what the term “my boyfriend” means to you. If the definition can truly include “is in love with somebody else” then you may wish to re-evaluate the value of having one at all.
      Fly free, my friend.
      There are squirrels all over the forest.
      Your Pal,
      Pearl de

  20. Van Marmotson says:

    Hey, where did we go?
    The days when the rains came
    Down in the hollow
    Playing a new game

    Laughing and a-runnin’, hey, hey
    Skipping and a-jumpin’
    In the misty morning fog with
    Our hearts a-thumpin’ and you

    My brown eyed squirrel
    You, my brown eyed squirrel

    And whatever happened
    To Tuesday and so slow?
    Going down the old mine
    With a transistor radio

    Standing in the sunlight, laughing
    Hiding behind a rainbow’s wall
    Slipping and sliding
    All along the waterfall with you

    My brown eyed squirrel
    You, my brown eyed squirrel

    Do you remember when we used to sing?
    Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
    Just like that
    Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
    La te da

    So hard to find my way
    Now that I’m all on my own
    I saw you just the other day
    My, you have grown

    Cast my memory back there, Lord
    Sometimes, I’m overcome thinking about
    Making love in the green grass
    Behind the stadium with you

    My brown eyed squirrel
    You, my brown eyed squirrel

    Do you remember when we used to sing?
    Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da
    Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da
    Sha la la la la
    Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da

    • pearl says:

      Dear Freak Without Equal,
      It seems to ME I’ve heard this song before, but never lovelier.
      Yes, yes,
      Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
      Just like that
      Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da
      La te da
      Pearl, the Pushover, when it comes to Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

  21. owemeonekenobi says:

    Howdy Pearl! this site and all the comments fill my heart with such pride and passion. The universe is so vast and amazing and i often think that perhaps everyone is a god in their own way. We all contain so much power, but we often times get so scared of this big world of ours. We lose track of our true potential. When you are a kid, pearl you know everything and when you fear things its the most beautiful kind of fear its the kind that shouts,beckoning at the darkness “I’m scared but so unbelievably curious!!” I’m only 19 years old and some might think me young and inexperienced but i feel in my soul and in the soul of the world that i have lived many times over i have so very very very very very much to learn and i cant wait.
    please advise me
    anything will help thank you pearl i hope you have a wonderful day (or however you folks measure time)
    have a wonderful qwornton :D

  22. northwren says:

    Greetings Pearl!! I was wondering if you have a Facebook page. If so, I invite you to partake in a friendly game of “Words with Friends”. I have been playing on a daily basis and find it to be quite enlightening. You obviously have internet access “over there” so I was surprised that a Fb search came up blank for MEpearl. Please let me know how to find you so I can add you to my friends list. Peace be with you always…Nw

    • pearl says:

      Greetings northwren, lovely name~
      You must understand that I communicate primarily by channeling through my human, Georgette. She has limitations, to put it kindly. I cannot allow her to play games or frolic on Facebook or she may get lost entirely.
      She’s a good soul and, truth to tell, I’m lucky to have her, but keeping focused is not her strong suit.
      And so you will understand why I must decline your kind offer to play in order to stay focused on my true calling as the giver of serious advice.
      And my advice to you, northwren, is PLAY!
      Pearl the Pragmatist

  23. I have a VERY pregnant opossum in our sunken garden living, I believe, beneath one pine tree in the corner. The problem is my dogs run free in that area several times a day. She’s occasionally barked at but just retreats under the pine I’m concerned, though, about babies when they start playing out of the nest.. any suggestions?

  24. Sylva Ansuz says:

    Dear blessed Pearl of Wisdom,
    I wish to devote my life to the care of animals, especially wild animals much like yourself (yet living, of course). Not to bore you with mundane details, but I have a relevant college degree and am pursuing another. I’ve also volunteered for quite some time in wildlife rehabilitation and this work is very rewarding. However, I cannot find a paying job either at a wildlife center or at a vet’s office, and frankly others in my life are tired of supporting me and my pets and animal friends. What shall I do? Or what, O Holy Rodent of the Bushy Tail, O Wondrous Leaper in the Trees of Heaven, can you do for me?

    • Pearl says:

      Dear Sylva,
      Pearl likes you! You have a certain je ne sais quoi that appeals to ME.
      Yes yes I understand your situation and I will help you.
      Do you play the accordion?
      Pearl, Planner of Your Future

  25. Radcliff says:

    Where do we go after death?

    • pearl says:

      Hi Radcliff,
      Many go out the window and land in the upper branch of the closest tree. From there they watch for a time before taking a leap of faith and landing on my doorstep. This can be scary, especially if you are a narwhal. With ME you get your happy feet and learn to chatterbark and make funny faces and then you are off to the Big Surprise. I can’t be any more specific because then it wouldn’t be a surprise. Not to worry, everybody who is anybody survives death.
      The Hostess with the Mostest,
      Pearl de W.

  26. Amber says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I have rescued a possum and have gone through the channels to get a permit for her and and learn how to properly care for her. But something I was never told and never thought of myself was how to trim my possum, Olivia’s nails. She’s still small about 4 months old and her nails are starting to get stuck on a couple of things when she climbs in my closet so I need to help her and trim them but I don’t know how, or how far to cut them I want to make sure I don’t hurt her. Please help!

  27. Niki Walker says:

    Are you fur real?

  28. Carl says:

    Dear ME Pearl, I love what you have done with your human. She is wonderful. I think you have a wonderful website filled with so much enlightenment that it brings such joy to my dire life even if for just a brief momment. My joy can be extended with a bit of help that can only be administered from inside the spirit world in which you reside. I need you to find Loki and get him to leave me alone. He has been playing tricks with my life causing accidents and spreading lies and blaming me for things that I have not done and setting me up for huge failure after failure. This has been going on for all 41 lousy years of my life and I am sick of it. I am not the person he has made me out to be and he needs to stop. ME Pearl must stop his games. Please help me all powerful squirrel….

    • pearl says:

      Carl,
      Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, we try.
      Loki can be a problem. It’s mostly the negative influence of his siblings, Helblindi and Býleistr. Best advice is stop believing in him. He gets by on your energy alone so reclaim that energy and go build a tree house. I LOVE tree houses.
      Your Arboreal Buddy,
      ME, Pearl

  29. Lyndy says:

    ME Pearl,

    How does your PM avoid being alienated by those around her? Your channeling must be nothing short of unusual to other people. I know my own eccentricities can be offsetting to others at times.

    • pearl says:

      Honestly,Lyndy, I don’t worry about it. Alienation is a two way thruway and if PM gets run over, well, there are plenty more where she came from. The road to greatness is strewn with sacrifices. Boo hoo and bye bye.
      Pearl the Pragmatist

  30. Baspen Wherabal says:

    Dear wise Pearl,
    Are you an alien who has come to dominate our world?
    Tell me more about yourself..
    From the land of enchantment,
    Baspen Wherabal

    • pearl says:

      Dear Baspen,
      Perhaps. Much as I am inspired by talking about ME, this venue is for you to tell ME about you. Whatever burdens weigh heavy on your heart, head or body may be safely shared with Pearl. You can also lighten your burden by sending me stuff. Mes petit furry bras sont overt pour recevoir n’import de quois.
      Pearl of the Open Arms

  31. Laura Patino says:

    Hi Pearl!
    You are an amazing being and I look up to you very much!! My band, Holiday Mountain, and I were led to you because our drummer kept being pointed in the direction of the oppossum. We live in Austin. Where do you live? I would love to be your friend. I respect you very much.

    • pearl says:

      Laura Patino, you ARE my friend. Pearl predicts a very positive life transition as a result of Holiday Mountain but it will not come at a Holiday and only after a journey through a deep and winding valley.
      Be not afraid. THE VALUE IS IN THE VALLEY. Look closely, experience fully.The Mountain is simply the place from which to sing your story.
      Pearl of Prophesy

  32. Denis says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I certainly pray that the Mayans were incorrect about December 21, or that some who predict a Zombie Apocalypse are wrong. What advice do you have for survival? And is it true that only squirrels and opossum will survive, like “Planet of the Apes”, but rather “Planet of the Squirrels and Opossum”?
    Thank you for all you do.
    DC

    • pearl says:

      Dear Denis~
      December 21 heralds in a major shift in consciousness.
      The greatness that is ME, among other things, will be perceived by the many rather than the few, which has heretofore been most frustrating for ME.
      You will be there.
      You will be glad.
      You are welcome.
      Pearl

  33. Lord Chasay says:

    Oh great opossum master, I must ask, how do I get my picture on the pearls pals page? I’d love to be presented with the other spiritual masters on that page.

    P.s, thank you opossum god.

    • pearl says:

      Dear L C,
      It is not easy becoming a Pearl’s Pal. Pearl loves you but that doesn’t mean she wants to be associated with you publicly…or privately.
      There are steps, many steps in this process.
      Begin by telling ME why you feel worthy to be a Pal o’ Mine.
      We do accept credit cards and Pay Pal. See PayPearl yellow buttons on many of our website pages.
      Character counts, too. And a solid raison d’etre. If this initial evaluation proves positive, then you must send ME a picture, body hair and tufted ears a plus.
      Okey Dokey?
      Pearl, Your Possible Pal..or not

  34. Whinnie says:

    Hello ME Pearl and Big Pink Mamma,
    We’re wondering something. You (Pearl) get so much attention on this site but what about your Mamma? What’s her story? How did she come to have so many animals follow her. She seems like the Second Coming for animals/humans. Can she cross the barrier into the animal realm?

    Namaste,

    Whinnie and Ray

    • pearl says:

      Hi Whinnie,
      Since you ask, Pink Mama is a waste of space. I’ve been trying to unload her for years. I could achieve The Impossible Dream without that albatross around my neck. She can’t cross the barrier into the kitchen. But thank you for asking.
      Pearl the Put Upon

  35. Jason and Opie says:

    I bought two shirts!…so whats it take to get a question answered here you little rodent? :/

  36. Jason and Opie says:

    We thank you for responding our fuzzy friend. The information you provided is a huge help and greatly appreciated.

  37. Ritzy j says:

    Dear Pearl,
    My dilema is another Man drama. I have been with this guy for a year when we first started dating he wasn’t taking me serious and flirted with other girls, I stopped talking to
    Him and he realized he wanted a relationship. It was amazing, than we broke up for a month without talking because I got upset that he didn’t put on his facebook we were in a relationship, & he still had all those girls he flirted with on his friends. We gave it a shot and he now deleted facebook but we still fight all the time and I end up saying sorry all the time. I just want to be ok with him, have a happy relationship. What should I do?

    • pearl says:

      Ritzy,
      Please note that in sentence two you capitalize ‘Him’ mid phrase. That’s the problem right there, girlfriend. You’ve already made so many mistakes with this one that he’s only salvageable now as a practice man.
      But that’s good ’cause it’s just what you need. Your Drama Diva needs a good work out. If you’re lucky you can work it all the way out of your system before your ‘keeper’(no, not the zoo type, the other type ) shows up. Oh, and stop apologizing. Stop it. Don’t do it anymore. Give yourself a month without apologizing and see if you don’t like yourself better at the end of it. This advice is NOT for everybody but it IS for you, Ritzy.
      The Pearl de Wisdom has spoken. Let she who has whiskers twitch knowingly.

  38. Ask, Seek, Knock says:

    Dear MEPearl
    What does your channeler, Ms. Spelvin, do in her spare time? Does she have a job? Is she a Mrs.? Is she a mother, or possibly (although she doesn’t look it) a grandmother? Does she like the Ford Mustang? We, your loyal subjects, would like to know more about your beautiful channeler!

    • pearl says:

      Well that’s all very nice, Ask, Seek, Knock, but Ms. Spelvin belongs entirely to ME. There is no spare time or personal life. When one is a Priestess of Pearl, one is bound for life to the service of ME.
      This comes with many perks and enrichment activities. We may be seeking initiates in your town soon. Remember to remain on ‘Squirrel Alert’. You’ll be glad you did.
      Pearl

  39. Paul says:

    This is an opossum rescue question. We found a baby opossum and all of the rescue centers are full. The animal shelter will just euthanize it. What can we do?

    • pearl says:

      Contact the national Opossum Society and/or the Oppossum Society of the United States and follow their online instructions on how to care for and release an orphaned opossum. If it’s young enough to need tubing, take it to your local veterinarian and get a lesson on how to do it.
      Good luck.

  40. Therapsid says:

    Hello, are you still there? Why do you want all that money anyway if I may ask?

  41. majroj says:

    So, MEPEarl, how are you and Peach getting on? Let up enough on your human vessel to allow her to appreciate how funny yet educational her videos and parodies have been. In fact, I was introduced to them via a county animal control officer! SO, good on her, and on you.
    PS: If you see Trunk Money, say “HI” to him, also.

    • pearl says:

      Hi Majroj,
      Peach is happy here with me. The Georgette human has the Apples.
      I’ve started a trial operation through two other humans. Will let you know how that goes. Always taking applications for channelers and attendants.
      Pearl,the High Priestess and Goddess

  42. Mary says:

    Hi, ME pearl, Could i place a diaper on a squirrel? I would also like to know if you could drive a squirrel.

  43. Brooke says:

    When is your birthday and what year were you born?

  44. Sarah says:

    Greetings Big P.

    My friends Emily, Meg and I were wondering if you would like to come to my 20th Birthday party?
    It would be such an honour to have our wise and brilliant idol attend this happy occasion.
    I look forward to your reply.

    Your faithful follower,
    Sarah

    • pearl says:

      What a swell invitation, Sarah. Thank you SOoooo much. What are you serving? I like peanuts and acorns and especially spaghetti for it’s nutritional value.
      Are you very far away? Sometimes I have trouble changing planes. Maybe you could bring the party to ME.
      I’m hanging out on Jupiter these days.
      Are you fat? Folks on Jupiter are fat and it’s contagious. I LOVE being fat in the winter. Can you bring ME some peanut brittle?
      O.K., it’s settled. Go to Google maps and type in Jupiter and follow directions. I’d be more specific but you didn’t give a street address.
      Once you land just ask anybody for Pearl. They all know ME. I’m kind of a celebrity here, too.
      But enough about ME, this is your special day so you can bring ME any present you wish, especially peanut brittle.
      Pearlie Mae is happy now. PARTY PARTY!

  45. Nina says:

    Dear almighty pearl, I have been dating a guy for a couple of weeks and he is involved in illegal business, I know about it but I want him to say it. How do I get him to admit it ? What if he admits it and then becomes suicidal? Can you ask pear, I remember pear was said to be very psychic as told by Ruth in one of your videos. I’m desperate for help and don’t know who to ask for help!!!

    • pearl says:

      Hello Nina,
      Almighty Pearl is hard-put to grasp what help you need.
      If you force fellow to admit to anything it’s not suicide for him so much as for the relationship…problem solved… or perhaps for you,…problem solved… depending on just how illegal this activity is.
      Deep personal reflection will reveal that you, too, have been engaged in illegal activities, and worse, and have no claim on moral high ground.
      Honestly, I think this fellow is better off without you and if he doesn’t yet know that, you will make it abundantly clear very soon.
      Pearl loves you and recommends you adopt a shelter dog, spend the next year allowing it to teach you the ins and outs of unconditional love, and then just maybe you’ll be mature enough to try dating again.
      Be happy and let your mind pop. All good things come to those who reach to ME~
      Your furry lil’ mentor, Pearl

  46. Sassy Brown says:

    where did u get those wonderful specimens of yours?

    • pearl says:

      Gosh, Sassy, that could refer to so much~
      Am guessing you mean my incarnate entourage; Georgette, Apple, Apple, and Helen.
      They’re just kind of hangers on, really. Thanks for asking.
      Pearl the Long Suffering

  47. Troye says:

    Hi pearl I have a crush on a boy in my class at school and i REALLY like him and i saw a few dreams about him and they were great the problem is that i want to see another dream but how can I see a dream about someone I want? Do you have any tips or recomandations on how I could do that?

    • pearl says:

      Hey Troye,
      Dreams are wonderful and often very informative. For many I AM the dream, ME Pearl. That said, forget about it. You had your dream. Now let’s look at wakey wakey world.
      What do you want in real time? Wanna have lunch with him? If he’s anything like ME (and what a windfall bonanza that would be for you) he likes fruitcake with extra nuts….and who doesn’t?
      Bring many many pounds of nut laden super dense fruitcake and offer him a paw-full. Make sure his portion has been heavily soaked in brandy.*
      Tell him you made it yourself (but don’t waste the time) and ask that he eat it in your presence as you value his opinion before marketing it professionally.
      If prepared properly he’ll be drunk when he’s done.
      Et voila!
      Groundwork by Pearl.
      You’re welcome.
      * If questioned, deny it, like so much of Pearl’s advice
      Good Luck!

  48. Liz says:

    Hello Pearl, well I’ve recently gotten out of a four year relationship which was abusive at the last 2 years. I have people in which i can talk to about this but my spiritual, well everything feels so drained. No matter how many times i cleanse myself, my auora or negative energies, they always fill back with anxiety. Unfortunately, I have been unable to go the people who I spiritually trust the most because like everyone, they have lives. They have given me a plethora of protection spells, i keep my crystals on me, i cleanse my crystals, but it seems to not work. Last night I did put an agate slice on my third eye, throat, and heart chakras and that seemed to help a bit. Is there any morale support or spiritual advice you could please give me? Thank you. :)

    • pearl says:

      Hello sweet Moonbeam,
      Yes, I can give you advice; first off: Never say “I have people in which i can talk to about this…” just never say anything like that again. Promise ME. You don’t want to be giving ‘new age’ a bad name. Ha ha hahaha hee hee. Pearl’s so funny sometimes.
      Next, don’t let ‘new age’ give you a bad name.
      If, as you say, you are finally OUT of the abusive relationship then throw the protection spells away and celebrate. Swim in the ocean if you are near a coast, or simply take a salt water bath.
      Nothing is as healing as salt water, from the ocean to tears and everything in between.
      Too many amulets are an anchor. You need to swim, dance, and fly FREE. And find more grounded confidants. It’s important that you process your experience but ME Pearl is as woo woo as you want to go right now.
      P.S., In you I detect a genuine love of language. You can be a poet but learn the rules before you break them. Otherwise it’s really painful.

  49. roo says:

    Hey, pearl.
    Does the boy I have recently become involves with truly care for me as I do for him? I would be willing to wait million years for him to make his decision but I don’t want to promise my self something that will not come true.Also iI would like to know if i will be able to heal from the tragic event that just recently happened to my family.

    • pearl says:

      Yes,Roo, of course you will heal, but do not look to this boy to heal you.
      Does he truly care for you as you do for him? No. They never do. Accept that and proceed.
      Your job is to give yourself as many happy, warm, loving, life affirming, fun, esteem producing,
      joyous experiences as you possibly can. I suggest jumping through trees but be careful, you humans tend to be clumsy.
      Consider the others affected by this tragedy and do what you can to help them. It will triple your healing time.
      Pearl loves you

  50. Jules says:

    Pearl, my friend has a HUGE crush on this guy and she just told me about it. The thing is that I’ve been secretly liking him… I doubt he’ll ask either one of us out, but I’ve been supporting her on her crush and I just can’t find the heart to tell her that I like him too. I already know that if by miracle, he asks me out then I’d have to say no (although I’d be really upset), but I just can’t help thinking that he may ask her out, and then I’ll be upset by them being together around me. Any advice??
    Thanks so much!

    • pearl says:

      Jules,
      In honoring your female friends, you honor yourself. Do this and you will never regret it.
      This is a cross species verity.I am Squirrel and I know.
      Pearl de Squirrel

  51. Marie says:

    Do you have any advice for me for college? I am graduating high school this year.

  52. Paul Cleland says:

    Hi Pearl,
    Often I find myself taking on too many responsibilities with school, clubs, hobbies, etc. But at the same time I don’t want to give up because I want to be the best me I can be. What should I do? Sometimes I get so overwhelmed. Thanks in advance! <3

  53. Stacey and Payton says:

    Dear magnificently furry and wise Pearl,
    My friend Payton and I seek your wonderfully accurate advice in the love department.
    It seems no suitors have come knocking on our doors, and we knew you, a dead squirrel, would be the perfect being to ask advice from. We are both reasonably attractive and talented, as well as smart, funny, lovers of food, and extremely humble. we are both sincerely confused as to why we have maintained our single statuses for the past 16 years. Please give us your best advice soon. Thank you(:

    • pearl says:

      You’re going to have to make do with my everyday advice, at least until I know you can be trusted with my ‘best’.
      Your email addy suggests you are wildly romantic. BRAVA. But beware, Stacey; at 16 Juliet Capulet may not be your best role model.
      Let she who has tufted little ears, hear.
      Your Prophet, Pearl

  54. Adam says:

    Hi Pearl! I saw you with Georgette and Apple in the Top That! video and was amazed. Love you. Here’s my question.

    I am gay, but I have not come out to anyone yet. I just don’t feel ready to do so and am afraid about how others will perceive me. Do you have any advice in this area?

  55. Iona says:

    Dear pearl, I have a friend that doesn’t really like me and we have a crush on the same boy. But he has a crush on a girl who’s his best friends girlfriend. We have both asked him out more than once but everytime he said no cause he liked someone else he said yes to me once on camp but we broke up the next day cause we held hands. Anyway could I please have some advice on how to like get him to notice me without playing games cause I don’t think boys like it when girls mess with their head. Sincerely Iona

  56. Tyler says:

    Dear pearl how do I make someone fall in love with me or can you do it?

    • pearl says:

      Well, of course, I can do it. But you? Let’s be pragmatic. Do you have any Dragon’s Blood? Good. Add it to a Tijuana Sunset and bottoms up! Love can be so simple with the proper ingredients.
      The Omnipopular Pearl

  57. Hi , my possum is three plus years old and she is lossing hair on her back ….. is that normal ? She is a healthy weight . I normally feed her scraps and catfood ….. plenty of fresh water . … I am not sure what to do …. I just gave her a heat bulb tonight and she got very angry at me ! Of course I had to move her house to cut a hole n the rooffor the light … don’t worry there is a tin roof above that …. I live in wv so the temp s going up and down …..
    Help please…..

  58. abby smith says:

    dear pearl,
    ive been homeless for about 8 months now. Im not able to find a job because I was in a fire and my face is severally deformed. The park that I have been sleeping in is filled with opossums. They have become my only friends and I love them dearly. One male in particular I have developed romantic feelings for but I know interspecies relationships are frowned upon. but love is love right? please help

    • pearl says:

      Interspecies relationships are frowned upon primarily by the other species. They don’t like it. Don’t do it. We don’t like predators camping out in our parks. Move along now.
      P

    • pearl says:

      Dear Ms. Smith,
      Interspecies relationships are frowned upon primarily by the other species. They don’t like it. Don’t do it.
      We urban wildlife don’t like predators camping out in our parks. Move along please.
      Pearl of the Plunging Unconditional Positive Regard

  59. Marissa says:

    Hi Pearl, will I ever get to meet Collins Key?

    • pearl says:

      Yes, but not in the normal way. You wouldn’t expect that.
      There will be lots of smoke and many mirrors but you WILL connect.
      Pearl the Precisely correct in all things.

  60. Trevor says:

    I feel that lately, my third eye chakra has been very unbalanced. I’ve been feeling very lonely and sad. How can I heal my third chakra and what are some good techniques to keep myself balanced spiritually?

    • pearl says:

      Greetings, Friend Trevor~
      First, contacting ME has set all healing in motion. Trust that.
      Second, if your circumstances permit a long term commitment, adopt a dog. Ending another’s sadness and loneliness will go far in ending your own. Giving and Loving and playing with spaghetti are the best techniques for maintaining spiritual health.
      Let he who has tufted little ears hear.
      Your Pal, Pearl

  61. Nicholas says:

    where can i find a possum supply store within new jersey?

    • pearl says:

      There are no Marsupial Supply Outlets in New Jersey. You have to cross the bridge. It’s always a safe bet to try Sam’s Club pr Possum Mart.
      Good Luck.
      P de Purveyor of all good things~

    • pearl says:

      You can’t. There are no Marsupial Supply Outlets in New Jersey. You have to cross the bridge. Also check out Sam’s Club and Possum Mart.
      Good Luck.
      Pearl, Purveyor of all good things

  62. Coco says:

    Greetings big p.

    I am a guinea pig and I feel weird lately. I want to be loved but I don’t like hugs and kisses. What is it dat could possibly be done to make up for this loneliness?

    Your faithful follower,

    Coco

    • pearl says:

      O.K., CoCoPig, listen up~
      Do you want to be loved or do you want to be admired and adored? Important distinction. (We can’t all be the big P de W and have everything, now can we?). If the latter, cozy up to the curator of any major metropolitan natural history museum and have them build you an elaborate habitat behind a plexiglass partition. If you can tolerate an arranged marriage and parades of kinder kicking at the glass, you will never be lonely again. In fact, you’ll be longing for loneliness. These are the happiest days of your life, little pig.
      I suggest you put up with the occasional hug and squeeze and roll-about and appreciate what you have because (and this goes for all of you out there) anything is better than to be a third grade science project. Trust ME.
      Pearl d’Experience

  63. Wilma says:

    Hi! I wonder if you can have opossums of the bigger size outside, we live in sweden and o the winters its often a lot of snow on the ground.?
    AMEN

  64. Alun says:

    Dear Pearl,
    What happened to Mama Squirrel? She was our neighbor Jim’s friend. She would sit on our laps and take nuts ever so politely. She disappeared a few years ago, then last year our long time friend Jim passed as well.

    Do you think they’re together again? It would mean a lot to us to be able to believe there’s something more than just this, then nothing. That friendships don’t end when life does. And that bonds (interspecies or otherwise) last.

    thank you,
    Alun

    PS: I found you on Tyler Oakley’s youtube channel showing how to massage an opossum. Jim had a mother opossum living in his shed, as well. It just set off all my thoughts and memories.

    PPS: please don’t put this email address on any lists. It’s for the club I’m webmaster of. I’d be very embarrassed if you did.

    • pearl says:

      Dear Alun,
      You already believe in the afterlife or you wouldn’t be writing to ME. Yes, Mama Squirrel and Jim are soul mates.
      As it happened, Mama Squirrel, who crossed over first, engaged in some um, ‘unauthorized’ activities to hasten the reunion. That happens a lot. We don’t dwell on the means, when the end is a warm lap with tasty nuts.
      Be assured that your friends are fine and happily planning their next outing.
      All is well. Pearl Loves You.

  65. John says:

    Dear Pearl,

    I’ve been a long time follower of your proper opossum care series, and I’m very grateful that you’ve shared your valuable insights with the public for free – I can’t tell you how many years I’ve added to my opossum’s life from implementing a strict diet complimented by therapeutic massage.

    However, I’ve noticed that my opossum tends to grind its teeth at night. I had him fitted for a night guard, but he refuses to wear it. It’s become a nightly struggle and, I’m sorry to say, I’m about ready to give up. Do you have any advice about how to deal with this situation? I really care about his health and wellbeing but I can only fight for so long.

    Yours,
    John

  66. Kendall says:

    Loveliest Pearl,

    Perhaps your insight will help me. All my life, I’ve been through abuse and neglect at the hands of family and romantic partners. I’ve spent years working full time to pay my way through school and making big plans to prove to myself that I can do it. I’m on a slow path to becoming an optometrist, if everything goes well.

    A year and a half ago, I met the most wonderful person who is smart, compassionate, funny, and hardworking. We’re now engaged and everything is going great. For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of my partner and it is wonderful. I’m even able to take classes without working full time to afford them, which is something I’ve never been lucky enough to do.

    90% of the time I’m confident and driven and happy, but the rest of the time I feel utterly worthless and hopeless. I feel stupid and lazy and like a failure. Everything bad that my exes said and did to me comes back and I just don’t know what to do. I know logically that I can do this, that I’m a straight-A student and that my partner loves me, but I can’t feel it. I look at my family and see my brother struggling to survive and I see my mom living in an abusive relationship and I feel doomed and a little bit guilty.

    Will I ever feel better?

    • pearl says:

      Dear optometrist in search of insight,
      (and, of course, you have come to the right source, Squirrel Vision)
      You sure pack a lot of misery into that 10% of time you are not feeling confident and happy.
      If your mathematical assessment is accurate you are far and away better off and more secure than most of the human world.
      Spend more time in natural surroundings and notice how intently we primitive species focus on the Now.
      Release, Release, Release. No more monkey paws in the coconut. Let go. You can’t fix your family, you can’t fix your past.
      Live well and love your 90%.
      Oh, and remove all deadly nightshade products from your diet.
      Your Pal, Pearl

  67. An-dreh-ah says:

    What happens if an animal is a homosexual? Would you entertain such a notion?

  68. Mel says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I have recently begun studying herbalism, the study of using herbs and plants as medicine, and aids for meditation. Are there specific herbs that aid in clearing chakras? And if so, do you know which ones do which?

  69. Wolfgang says:

    Dear Pearl,
    I have decided that a long, long time from now, I’d like to have a mime deliver my eulogy. I will leave instructions for him or her to begin in a very straightforward manner and gradually evolve into an interpretive dance depicting the discovery of yogurt or some such thing. A friend has told me that she finds this selfish and somewhat offensive, in that it wouldn’t be respectful of her grief. To me it’s too delicious an idea to resist. So should I go ahead and make the necessary provisions or should I suppress my desire to share my love and belief in the absurd, and let friends and family take solace in the rituals of comfort?

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Wolfgang,
      I suspect that the purpose of the event may be sufficiently satisfying so that attendees won’t much care about the trimmings.
      Do stop over for a cuppa almond yogurt when you get here.
      Impatiently,
      Pearl

    • majroj says:

      Just so long as there isn’t a three hour loop of “Pachelbel’s Canon in D” playing.

  70. jason and Opie says:

    Hi Pearl, Its Opie and I again. It seems Opie is in heat.? Opie is full grown and a little over a year old now and is acting rather strange. Her appetite has change dramatically causing her to lose weight. She has a very stinky oder emanating from her rear end. Her stools are small and compact unlike her large and lose ones of the past. Her urine is a darker yellow. She has also been marking/slobbering everywhere. I am concerned for her health. Up to a few weeks ago she has never been in this state of disorder or shown this unpredictable behavior. Please help us with your wisdom and assure us this will pass and she will be back to her normal free spirited un stinky, fruit eating proper pooping self.

  71. napoleon bonaparte says:

    Pearl,

    Woe is me. I am undone. You see, my sister is a graduate of Meredith College in Raleigh NC. When we would visit her on weekends, we thought it was hilarious how the irish setters on campus, who apparently belonged to someone nearby, would chase the squirrels. Pearl, do you think that this has made for bad karma? ‘Cause if it is, me and my whole family are done for, for laughing at those squirrels.

  72. majroj says:

    Just to let you know in my neck of the woods, if (when) someone brings in a foundling opossum (or squirrel or rattlesnake or whatever) to our local County animal shelter, the Animal Control Officers and Volunteers make all efforts through their rolodexes and i-Phones to find them room with a local certified and permitted rehabber.
    Not all County shelters are pounds.
    Many kudos, and may macadamias rain down on ME Pearl’s celestial birthday.

  73. Opossumluver says:

    Do you really do all of this? Do you love your opossum this much for real? Is this like a real thing or an act?

    • MEpearl says:

      Have discovered that it matters little what I say. People will draw their own conclusions.
      What do you think?

  74. napoleon bonaparte says:

    Mon Pearle,

    Vive la France!

    Napoleone, l’Emperor de France

  75. rush limbaugh says:

    Pearl,

    Are you a liberal? You have the smell of a liberal.

    Best Always,

    Rush

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