Posted By: Admin on April 6, 2010 in - Comments: 468 Comments »


Let ME Explain!


THIS is where you have the opportunity to find the *truth from ME, Pearl of Wisdom!

* or a facsimile thereof (because, Mesdames et Messieurs, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. ha hahaha hee hee ..hic hic hic, Pearl of Wisdom is sooo funny!)

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice.

Please note that your personal privacy is of no interest to Pearl.

Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.


468 Blessed Comments

  1. Fabula Zenobia says:

    I’m afraid the Illuminati is going to take my opossum. I am worried that the government is working with the aliens because my opossum has been acting weird and I believe it is because he is sensing something. The Illuminati has been big with the teenagers of this generation and I’m scared they will take my opossum because I know he knows something. How can I protect my opossum, so it can in turn protect me?

  2. bryn martin says:

    hi lord of the squirrels, pearl. i have had bad luck with relationships forever…..will i get a boyfriend this month? will give 7 acorn 4 ur response. thx.

  3. Fabula Zenobia says:

    Is there any way that I and my friend can meet you, perhaps over videochat? I am very intrigued by you and I want to see if you are real and not a deity.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey Fab,
      I, ME Pearl, am an ascended squirrel currently residing in a galaxy far far away so, whereas the idea of a videochat is kinda sweet and all, the true logistics would cause exploding brains all over the universe and I don’t think you want that.
      Best be pleased with the contact we have. It’s already well beyond mind boggling, Yes? Yes!
      Time to revisit the last line of Mrs. Skeffington.
      Whisker Brush~

  4. lily says:

    Hello ME pearl,
    I am 11 years old and I think your videos are very cute and funny. I (like many other kids my age) want to be an artist when I grow up but it is hard to make a good career out of it so what do you think would make my art unique?

    • MEpearl says:

      What IS your art, Lily? Do you Paint? Draw? Sculpt? Do animation? Sing? Dance? Write novels or poems or lyrics? Perform? Design homes or clothing or jewelry? Walk the high wire? Play the piano or banjo or accordion? Make Proper Possum Care videos? Decorate Cakes? Yodel?
      Once we know what your art is, Lily, then we can make it unique.
      For a human, 11 years is a fine age to figure out your gifts and ambitions. For a squirrel, we handle it at about 4 months.
      Good Luck, Lily~
      Get back to ME.
      Your Pal, Pearl

  5. Nikay says:

    Dearest Mother Pearl,

    I am suffering from hyperthyroid disorder–my thyroid acts in a way that is not pleasing to my mind nor my bowels. My “doctor” (I don’t believe in modern medicine) tells me I need to be cut open and have it ripped from my flesh, but I don’t believe her. Instead, I come to you, great Pearl, for your wisdom and advice. What path must I take? Hasten in your response, please, the thyroid is getting to be unbearable.

    En omnia perotis,

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Nikay~
      First, do not panic. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Worst case scenario is that you come visit ME for a few weeks while you figure out your next move. SO MANY OPTIONS and I’m the best hostess ever. Lots of nut souffles and hickory daiquiris.
      However, if you are not yet ready for your transition you may just have to let Missy Doctor cut you open and rip that gland from your flesh. You have “doctor” in quotes. Does that mean she just plays one on TV? Then, no, don’t let her do it.
      My family always knew how to heal everything naturally, with Mother Nature. Then I had this terrible accident as a baby and would have died of fever if this big pink human hadn’t scooped me up and and raced me off to her own Missy Doctor who cut off my leg. I loved my leg but to leave it attached would have ruined everything.
      At first it was hard to learn to live with a missing part but I did it. You can do it. If they give you a choice have them remove your leg instead. I have a whole bunch of tips to share on how to get through that. But they probably won’t.
      Most of us, including ME, believe that if our mind is just strong enough or pure enough or laser focused enough, we can think our way well. But I couldn’t do it and I’m PEARL for Pearl’s sake.
      Of course all that was before I became a megalomaniac and took over the operation of the Universe. You are right to look to ME for salvation but think beyond the one small Gilmore Girl loving body you currently possess. Meanwhile, stay away from seafood as presumably they have always extended you the same courtesy.
      Keep processing, Nikay~
      Pearl LOVES you.
      Keep the Faith.

  6. Brippy Dingle says:

    Hi – we are wondering when did you first realize you were an ascended squirrel? At birth? Also, as a huge rodent fan myself, how do you acquire your opossums? And where? And when? And why?

    Brippy Dingle

    • Brippy Dingle says:

      Hi perfect Pear,
      we have been checking your website awaiting a response every day and our souls have been crushed thus far :(
      we really wish to hear from you
      you are a goddess and we are your biggest fans

      • MEpearl says:

        Please accept a rare apology from ME, Pearl. Your reply has somehow dematerialized and so, here again are your questions and my wise response.
        “Hi – we are wondering when did you first realize you were an ascended squirrel? At birth? Also, as a huge rodent fan myself, how do you acquire your opossums? And where? And when? And why?”
        I realized that I was an ascended squirrel when I became one, at death. One can’t ascend at birth or there is no life at all and LIFE must not be wasted.
        Do you mean you are a huge fan or a fan of huge rodents? Either way, as the quintessential rodent, Brava.
        Possums, on the other paw, are marsupials and entirely the domain of my pet human, Georgette. Where she gets them is a mystery. I suspect there’s an active black market for possums somewhere. Personally I think a ‘Proper Alpaca Care’ series would be more interesting.
        Keep connected, Noodles.
        Pearl Loves You!

  7. sabcine says:

    Why isn’t your shop working? I would like to buy them “tacky” shirts

    • MEpearl says:

      New store is being set up even as we type. Tacky t-shirts are just the beginning.
      Keep the faith!
      This WILL happen, unless it doesn’t.
      But it WILL.

  8. Eliav says:

    I am a student at college, and I have reached a spiritual crossroad. Lightly I have been questioning my identity, do I follow the path that I have started on, or do I forge a new path into uncharted, and even dangerous territory? I await your guidance.

    Thank you, you provide me with hope.

    • MEpearl says:

      Why do either when I can provide you with a ducky little cult right here?
      Have you not been paying attention?
      ME, here, now, it’s so simple. You are already home, Eliav. Welcome.
      And “lightly” is exactly how you should be questioning your identity.
      Pearl, purveyor oF all spiritual wisdom and grace and other stuff~

  9. carina says:

    hi pearl,,,,,

    i am a big fan of your videos but i am afraid that my dog is turning into an opossum. over the last few months his snout has gotten abnormally large and he seems he to be growing finer, straighter hair much like the hair of an opossum. his legs have also decreased in size and he has gained much weight and has become very short and stubby,,,, should i be worried? please respond pearl,,,,,you are my only hope to figure out this satanic situation

    much love,

  10. Taylor says:

    Hi Pearl, I just had a few questions for you. Do you find that Georgette does an adequate job speaking on your behalf? What made you choose her as your pet human? Also, do you have any idea on what the future holds for human kind as a whole?
    Thank you for your time, Pearl.

    • MEpearl says:

      Good question, Taylor!
      Georgette is an imbecile!!!
      I sent out a call and she was the only one who heard it. There must be a channel into the human world for ME, so being a pragmatist, I took what was there. Am always on the look-out for a better one.
      The future of human kind depends entirely on respecting your mother. Gaia. Those who do must prevail over those who don’t.
      Watch the wildlife. We understand.
      Pearl, who appreciates getting straight to the point along with a nice plate of spaghetti now and again.

  11. Skippy and Moonpie says:

    Dearest Pearl de Wisdom,
    We are going off to college soon and we don’t know what direction our lives should be going in. Could you offer any sage squirrel advice on how to move on to bigger and better things?
    Much love,
    Skippy McTuggins and Moonpie Pip

  12. Spencer says:

    Dear ME Pearl,

    I worried that my oppossum is already dead. It has been playing dead for several months now. I have been told that Oppossum’s often play dead but it hasn’t moved in a long time. I’m losing hope. Please help.


  13. #tybg says:

    Dear Pearl,
    Do you know why humans have middle names? Do you have a middle name? If so, what is it? Thank you for your time in helping with this obviously important question.
    All my love,

    • MEpearl says:

      Hi #tybg,
      Think it’s because most humans are commitment phobic.
      My middle name is Mae.Commitment phobe human gave it to me. Pearlie Mae de Wisdon. What about you, #tybg? Have you a middle symbol?
      Your ME Pearl

  14. L says:

    Do you know about the Great Tim Tooten?

  15. Malone says:

    Was Georgette Spelvin a porn star?

  16. Jim says:

    hi pearl,
    I think the squirrels in my lawn are plotting to take my house over. When I pull in my driveway they will be congregated around the tree closest to my lawn, but when they see me they all disperse. I think it’s because they don’t want me to hear their plans? please help pearl I am very concerned.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey, Jim~
      If your suspicions are correct you might just as well move out now and find another place to live.
      Unless, of course, you can share with wildlife but so few humans are able to do that.
      Save yourself a lot of grief and just give it to them. Although why they would prefer your house over a genuine, grow-out-of-the-ground tree is a mystery.
      People, if you are having trouble with squirrels, I am not your best source of succor. Think about it.
      Even so, Pearl loves you. All of you (with only a few exceptions and you can guess who you are).

  17. Madimoo says:

    I have just been blessed with raising a baby opossum (that will eventually be an educational outreach possum) that has lost one of its eyes. I feel like she now has trust issues because of this. Do you have any advice for making my opossum trust me? Also, we originally thought baby possum was a boy, but now we think it’s girl. We’ve already named it Bruce. Any questions about how we should approach Bruce on the issue of telling him ‘he” is actually a “she”? I am a firm believer of the fluidity of gender identity, but I’d like advice on how to approach the subject with the utmost sensitivity.
    Your most devoted follower,

    • MEpearl says:

      Congratulations Madimoo. You are, indeed, blessed to have an opossum.
      You will gain her trust by engaging exclusively in trustworthy behaviors.
      You are funny to presume that Bruce needs you to explain her gender. The hubris of humans never ceases to astonish.
      This is a rare gift, Madimoo. Observe her and serve her and you will grow wise.
      Pearl, who knows just EVERYTHING about being wise

  18. Nate says:


    Will I ever be an apostle of pearl?

    • MEpearl says:

      Hello Nate~
      Your question is so promising.
      Depends if you’re willing to wear the costume. We lose many initiates that way. Do you suffer from FEP, furry ear phobia? If not, and your heart is pure, then your chances are excellent.
      Pearl, the Beloved

  19. YOUpearl says:

    Dear pearl my opossum has been threatening to take out life insurance on me for the past several months and I’m starting to grow worried of the intent. Is this a bluff or should I be concerned?

    • MEpearl says:

      Threatening for several months and you’re just now starting to worry?
      Psychic Pearl sees a Darwin Award in your future.
      Just kidding~

  20. Sofi says:

    Are you a Lauren Bacall fan?

  21. Jaedeite says:

    May I ask what does Pearl think of Pearl from Steven Universe? Because when I was first linked to this blog, I thought it was going to be an ask blog about that cartoon character so now I’m curious. Also you are really great. O:

    • MEpearl says:

      Thank you for the introduction, Jaedeite~
      Pearl de Wisdom feels connected at soul level with every other creature named Pearl.
      What do you think?
      The BIG P

  22. Possum says:

    Me Pearl,
    Can you make a video about proper opossum accessorizing? I want to know how to deck out my possum for any social function?
    All my love.

    • MEpearl says:

      Fine idea, stay tuned.
      Meanwhile, you can never go wrong with basic black and PEARLs.

      Pearl, Fashion Adviser to the literal stars.

  23. Tonia bartley says:

    Hi Ms. Pearl,
    I hope you can help me. About 30 days ago, I was blessed with two baby possums ( their mama forgot them). I calculate they were around 7 weeks old. I was hoping to get them big enough to return to the wild.

    But one of my babies has started acting unhealthy. She was quite a bit smaller than her sibling when I found them. She is having trouble walking now. And seems to be getting weaker though she still eats. I am so worried I have done something wrong. I have researched everything possum. Have you ever encountered this problem? Can you help me, please?
    I have become very fond of these guys and I try to enlighten all those people who misunderstand these adorable animals.

    Forever Grateful,

    • MEpearl says:

      Animal needs veterinary help immediately.
      If you have a wildlife center near, go there. Otherwise go to a regular vet. When in doubt treat it like a cat.
      It’s very difficult for the public to raise wildlife as their needs are different than what you expect.
      Please get this baby medical attention right away.
      Good luck.

  24. wildlifeluvR says:

    you say the MAJORITY of possums live outside. what percentage live inside in sweaters? what percentage live inside but are not clothed? how does one domesticate a possum?

    • MEpearl says:

      Hi WildlifeluvR,
      You don’t domesticate a possum. Possums will domesticate themselves if and when they feel like it.
      The P

  25. Chester the Blowfish says:

    Hi Pearl,

    I’ve been having trouble with my health lately, and am seeking new all natural remedies. Are the any potions or creations you can suggest that will boost both my mental and physical powers? I come to you humbly, understanding that your wisdom is great, and your spirit is strong.

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Chester~
      It must be exhausting being a blowfish.
      Both your problem and solution have to do with breath.
      Breath easy, Chester.
      Breath slower, deeper, fuller.
      Meditate by getting very still and counting your exhalations and the rest of the answer will come to you.
      Also picking up a mineral imbalance. Triple your vegetable intake and BREATH.
      Pull power from the center of the earth.
      Pearl loves you.

  26. Pencil the Platypus says:

    Dear Pearl,

    Ask and you shall receive! A little birdy told me you were in the market for a magician with a pencil who draw you logos for you’re highly anticipated line of “Pearlwear” merchandise (spoiler alert… the birdys name is Bart)!!! While my talents have me living quite lavishly (for a platypus), for you Pearl, I humbly offer my service. Consider it a gift for all you do for the universe and all the creatures of the world. Cant wait to see what the future holds!!!


    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Pencil,
      You Platypi all live lavishly, talented or otherwise.
      BART? No spoiler alert, here.
      It is true that my public has been hounding ME for Pearlwear. I’ve been thinking of a basic onesie design in all sizes for all species and only in gold or rainbow. All right, tweed, too. Naturally it will require a distinctive logo and gifting Pearl is good for you, like ginseng and bicycles.
      You know how labels usually tell us which side goes in? With Pearlwear it’s the opposite. Are you up to that, Pencil? Are you? Search your soul thoroughly and honestly before you answer because Pearl has no truck with the mediocre.
      Oh, I can tell you what the future holds. But I won’t.
      Pearl the Impaler (just a little Halloween humor)

  27. Tek says:

    Hello, I found your video’s online and really enjoyed them. I have 3 non releasable’s and a Opossum Care and Rescue group on FaceBook has been great. Seems you are famous there and lots of people know you. Last night, Tosh.0 was awesome. Thanks for doing it, I’m sure you were leery and I hope Daniel was kind in real life. I think he’s funny for the most part and pushes buttons. Just wanted to say thanks for being a great ambassador for Possums and having the great humor needed for Tosh! Great JOB!

    Sid, Daisy and Puff all watch your video’s too.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hi Tek (funny),
      You understand. Was Soooooooo leery about doing TOSH but everyone on set was wonderful to me and Potato. Daniel Tosh is a sincere animal advocate so we hit it off. He actually snuggled Potato off screen. How lovely that you are caring for three non releasables. Best to Sid Daisy and Puff.
      Georgette, personal assistant to Pearl.


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