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Tags: Reality Check, wildlife
I need a reality check.
For 9 years I was chihuahua named Hillary. Then my neighbor adopted me and now says I am a miniature labrador retriever named Pineapple Bill. Humans are just so weird. What do you advise?
Dog in identity crisis
Dear Pineapple Bill,
Psychic Pearl knows the neighbor of whom you speak and you are now a miniature labrador retriever. Congratulations.
Your pearl has been cast.
Reply to Pineapple Bill: Dear PB. I know you. You, in my eyes, are neither Hillary or Pine… etc. You are, without a doubt, Bosch. From Hieronymus Bosch. That name is fat, sassy, and represents a whole world of art, history, and culture that you fully represent and exemplify. So long, Bosch, see you at the Park! R
Dear R.R., famous person and BFF,
The Cultured Pearl so appreciates your cultured point of view, lacking squirrel savvy though it may de temps en temps.
Hieronymus Bosch, best known for his Garden of Earthly Delights (see left panel ), was a barbarian in the worst sense.
See cat lower left. What do you see dangling from it’s cruel mouth? Yes, a rodent, a precious pearlesquian rodent. And is said rodent enjoying the Garden of Earthly Delights? I THINK NOT!
No, Mijnheer Bosch, for all his deep and ditzy detail, misses the whole %^$&*# point and purpose of being; the irrefutable mandate to Revere the Rodent!
So, no, dear friend, Pearl de la Peinture et Philologique cannot endorse the name of that big fat stupid know-nothing moron Ommmm Ommmm , may he anguish in his own image of hell (as everyone does).
All hail Pineapple Bill!
So, thank you for writing in and always remember that Pearl loves you best.
Ah. I acknowledge ignorance and bad eyes in spite of cataract surgery. Missed the dangler. Still, Pineapple? Salutations to PB, Canine Extraordinaire, as well as to you, Pearl, ultrafamous Rodenta. Much love to your Mommy too. R. R.
Dear R.R., famous person,
Pearl of Wisdom does not have a “Mommy”. Pearl of Wisdom is all things to all people including herself. Regrettably I do have need of a channeler and have been obliged to enlist the sub satisfactory services of the big pink creature who acted as my earthly caregiver. It’s a default situation that I am seeking to remedy.
Replacement recommendations welcome.
Pearl the Omnivorent
I have a big problem. I am a Siberian Chipmunk and my owner of 5 years just recently started touching my “NO-NO” places. What should I do?
Dr. Hill Gwydion Scotts
First, Dr. Scott, get over thinking you have an owner. You have a servant. Remember that.
Sorry to say this but the Pearl suspects you are having some medical issue that makes the uninvited familiarity necessary.
Give the misidentified ‘other’ the benefit of the doubt. Even if the motive proves untoward, it’s unlikely an interest of this nature can be sustained.
If all else fails, lay back and think of England.
P de W
Wow….I think you people are all crazy…is this site serious? Or is it just a funny joke…I am litterly wondering that. Please give a clear straight forward answer.
Love the site. Alas, I can’t help but notice most P.O.W.’s never make it from the oyster shell so to see and read a live one is heartening. I have 2 P’s.O.W.: Many things are possible; most, however, are not. And: The Masses are Asses. I don’t do rodents, I leave that to Reality Check.
A word to the wise, Barquester~
If you “don’t do rodents”, rodents will do you.
Pearl the Prescient sees you getting Rodentized in 2015.
Meanwhile, don’t disparage the donkeys, most of whom are in desperate need of retirement sanctuaries.
Ah for the day when asses are ornamental.
Pearl loves you.
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