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Posted By: Admin on February 23, 2010 in - Comments: 261 Comments »

Pearl of Wisdom loves you, in her fashion. And you love Pearl.  SURPRISE!

You are to be congratulated on finding this site. This is where Pearl of Wisdom explains it all for you. When All Else Fails, ASK PEARL. Write in with your own concerns or simply read Pearl’s advice to others. It all comes to the same As The Tail Ends.

Love offerings welcome.

You will know when the time is right. Meanwhile, tell Pearl what is on your heart. Talk to ME. Pearl of Compassion understands all things and will respond. ASK PEARL now!

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice. Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

Due to overwhelming popular demand, by readers who don’t have a clue what is going on here, I am including a brief temporal autobiography of ME, Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria.

I AM A DEAD SQUIRREL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING and pines to share it with YOU. I lived for 10 years as a non-releasable in So. Cal, and gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French. Plus, I  absorbed vast amounts of information through my 7 senses, tuned beyond anything you can yet imagine. And the rest I make up.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern psychic squirrel.
Croaking only increased my power and lovability factor.
You can ASK PEARL anything. Confide in ME, Gentle Reader; unburden your soul. Pearl wants to hear from you, NOW.
BTW~
The big pink human who was my earthly caregiver and is now my channeler is, to put it kindly, a bit of an albatross. I listen to Seth and Abraham complaining but HA! their challenge is nothing compared to ….well, don’t get ME started. Just write to ME. Every category gives you the opportunity. Pick your favorite, or visit them all, and let’s get to know each other.

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261 Blessed Comments

  1. Cartesia Brown says:

    God Bless Peach the Possom. P.s. I am wondering which sauce my possom, Cantaloupe, would like best with his chicken liver patee food? He is getting frisky when eating it and I need a way to spice it up for him. If you could help that would be fab.
    IN THE NAME OF PEACH,
    Cartesia

    • pearl says:

      Cartesia is a spectacular name!!! All hail Cartesia.
      And Peach appreciates the blessings.
      We are having trouble believing in Cantaloupe, however.
      Thank you for connecting. Pearl loves you.

  2. Corinne Hunter says:

    I am 13 years old and I have a crush on a boy. Should I tell him or have him make the first move?

    • pearl says:

      Hey, Corinne~
      So much depends on what species you are.
      Watch to see if the male in question becomes more beautiful than you. If you are humans, forget it. Any other species and your crush has been answered.
      If you are a squirrel, however, don’t count on attracting too much at age 13.
      Good luck, my friend~
      The Big P

      • napoleon bonaparte says:

        Gentle lovelorn one,

        Lo these many moments ago [yesterday to be exact], I gave sage advice to one of so tender an age as yourself. I said, “Oh, beautiful one, do you not know that the human male does not grow a brain until (at the earliest) the age of 21. Concentrate on school and teaching Russian to your cat. You will find it so much more fulfilling.”

  3. Wolfgang says:

    Pearl, how can we come to be aware of our innate love for you in all our moments? We feel you in moments of reverie and despair, but can your grace be realized in the mundane?

    • pearl says:

      Wolfgang!
      You ask enlightened questions, my friend and follower. Your innate knowingness has alerted you to the reality that the prescient and preternatural Pearl is simply not crazy about the mundane.
      If you must traverse those paths you must go it alone and graceless. Ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” Remember that ‘A day without Pearl is …well, it isn’t a day at all, is it?’ Before getting drawn down the dark road of dull, think of ME and do something spectacular!
      You’re welcome.
      The Priceless Pearl

      • Wolfgang says:

        The Pearls wisdom is indeed limitless. The mundane seems to be merely a shroud for the overwhelming brilliance of existence. I suppose we couldn’t function if we experienced all of our moments to their full glory, but the glimpses and the knowledge that there is far more concealed beneath the curtain makes me truly grateful for Pearl.

        • pearl says:

          Yes, yes, yes, Wolfgang,
          I am all that and more. Now tell Pearlie Mae what’s chewing on your toes.
          Pearl, the Sourse of all answers wise, and other-wise

          • Wolfgang says:

            The omniscience of the Pearl once again astounds me. Toes are indeed the source of all my unease, but not my toes. I find that I cannot reconcile the feet of chickens, I cannot accept reptilian feet in concert with feathers. It doesn’t bother me in other birds, only chickens.

  4. HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom says:

    Hello dear, sweet ME Pearl.
    The following question is regarding a problem I have and have had since age 10. Please don’t laugh or poke fun. It regards a fetish I have. Since age 10, I have fantasized about being shrunk. I attempt to bring up shrinking in conversations with strangers or relatives, usually my mother or her mother. I record conversations with said grandmother to aid in.. gratifying myself at a later time. My question is, what do you think is the cause? Do you think this is unhealthy? If so, what can I do to stop? If this is obscene I apologize. I need wisdom on the matter, and I hope you can offer said wisdom.

    • pearl says:

      How old are you now, HeWho?
      The obvious cause is your longing to be a squirrel, which is perfectly normal and a sign of superior intelligence.
      The problem arises when faced with the reality that you are NOT a squirrel (I presume).
      Rent the film “Honey I Shrunk the Kids”. It’s fraught with the perils that your shrunken little self would face. BTW, you’re grandmother is probably taping the same conversations for the same purpose, herself. I’ve seen it before.
      Have a nice day, HeWho, and thank you for writing in.
      The P

      • HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom says:

        Dear, MEPearl
        I am currently 19-years-old. Forgive me, but I do not believe I wish to be a squerrel (not consciously, anyway). I have seen the film Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, in fact, it’s what I normally bring up to strangers to get them on the subject. I have brought up the movie twice, and both times it was successful in conjuring conversation on the matter. One with my English professor, one with the manager of the local plasma clinic. On an unrelated topic, is it ok for me to ask you a large number of questions? I have so many to ask you, oh great ME Pearl. Love your’s and Ms. Spelvin’s videos.

        • pearl says:

          Hi HeWho,
          Not a large number, no. Being OverSquirrel of this and all planets is time consuming and labor intensive. Pearl loves you but, you know…….Start with the most dire and we’ll fix that right on up. Then you may feel spiritually complete. I have that effect of folks.
          Your Pal, Pearl

  5. Jules Higmann says:

    Pearl,
    My boyfriend, Travis (Trav), and I have been going out for 7 months now. I thought we were both in love and very committed… But… My friend, Dana said she and her beau Matt were at the mall and saw Trav with a girl I don’t know! Should I believe Dana? Should I confront Trav? Should I break up with him? Prom is around the corner and I don’t know what to do about the boyfriend situation!
    Please respond ASAP!
    <3 you and your videos,
    Jules

    • pearl says:

      Dear Jules,
      There are sisters and cousins and friends and mentorees and personal shopping advisors (perhaps he’s looking for a gift for you) and countless reasons to be seen in a mall traveling with Travis. Besides which the great and powerful Pearl suggests that he doesn’t need a reason to be seen in public with not you.
      Are you really willing to deny yourself the right and freedom to be in a mall with another boy under any circumstance that you deem prudent? Really?
      Pearl implores you to think this through.
      If he wants to go to the prom with you and you want to go with him then GO, by all means. Although why you wouldn’t prefer zip lining through some glorious majestic deciduous forest is a mystery.
      Did you know there is a famous ‘suicide forest’ in Japan? Don’t go there. That would make a really bad date.
      Pearls to Ponder

  6. HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom says:

    Oh, great and powerful ME Pearl.
    This question is in regards to my need to make money vs. my grandmother’s wishes. Twice a week, I donate plasma to attain a total of $65. However, my grandmother has asked me not to as she thinks it’s dangerous. My problem is I have fines and other expenses I need to pay. Should I proceed to donate plasma for $ or disobey my grandmother? I need the money, but experience tells me that disobeying my grandmother will have dire consequences.
    Your affectionate knowledge seeker,
    HeWho.

    • pearl says:

      O.K., HeWho, Here’s the skinny~
      You and your grandmother have a long and complex relationship going back millennia. In doing a brief scan I see that some unpleasantries in Troy during the 11th century BCE may leave her still wanting some of those platelets for herself. Don’t ask. But do offer her first dibs on your blood and you may turn a prettier profit than expected. You’re welcome. And no, your family is no stranger than any other.
      Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.
      ME Pearl

  7. AServantOfPearl says:

    Oh great and powerful MEPearl,
    I wish to please you. I wish to dedicate my life to you as one dedicates their life to a deity. I wish to be the source of your greatest happiness. I wish to write songs about you. I wish to paint you. Though I know no form of art may even remotely capture your greatness. How can I please you, oh MEPearl? From this point on, my body exists to be your instrument of servitude!

    • pearl says:

      Of course you do and Bully! But let’s look at a few specifics.
      “I wish to dedicate my life to you as one dedicates their life to a deity.” This is redundant.
      “I wish to be the source of your greatest happiness.” Well, dear, only I can be that, don’t you know.
      “How can I please you, oh ME Pearl?” Use sending $ as the default. People tend to get peevish on that point but when one is bold enough to ask the question Pearl can be no less than omnihonest.

      Yes, yes, I do inspire art and literature and music and why not choreograph me a ballet at some point? You certainly have the right idea. Double Bully! Bully! Bully!
      Your body offering is swell but I’ll require your psyche as well, capisce?
      In for a penny, in for a pound, tra la tra la.
      Welcome dedicant.
      And if you ever need anything, anything at all, just work it out.
      Your everything~
      ME

  8. Lost and not found says:

    I myself have gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French and find myself less enlightened (and, oddly, slightly more hungry) than pre-gnawing. Is there a more specific recipe for enlightenment for mere mortal humans, or are we doomed as a species?

    • pearl says:

      Less enlightened, perhaps, but when you speak in a foreign language, or simply a foreign accent, the content value of the palaver is, well, almost inconsequential, n’est pas?

      You are not doomed as a species but your position on the food chain is due for revision. Tous les animaux du monde rire et rire et rire .
      Pearlie Mae suggests you add hickory and watercress to your diet. And STRAWBERRIES. We intuit you would benefit by consuming large quantities of strawberries. Don’t argue.
      Your Pal P

  9. IridescentLamb says:

    Oh hey gwurl!

    MePearl, we call upon you to pilgrimage to the motherland, Williamsburg, VA. There are many of our kind here, and by our kind I mean squirrels. We need you to lead us to overthrow the greedy pink humans that dwell here. Also, what is your favorite song? Also how do you throw dinner parties? Thanks again and hope to see you soon!

    P.S. Also, where do you think my path in life will lead me?
    P.S.S How will I do on my MCAT?

    Sincerely,

    Yours truly,

    IridescentLamb (aka Iri)

    • pearl says:

      Williamsburg VA? Maybe. I have a beloved, Stockton DuPres, who still haunts Kentucky. He’s dedicated to overthrowing greedy pink humans. I simply wait until they make their transition and then, well, you don’t want to know…..
      We don’t care how you do on your MCAT. We would prefer that you take a VCAT or, wiser still, a WVCAT. ME Pearl will help you with the rodentia section.
      I was featured in a recently published book entitled ‘A Home For Pearl Squirrel’ by Amy C Johnson, which explains why I never give dinner parties.
      Thank you for asking and inviting. Your pal Pearl

  10. pearl says:

    Hey Pearl~
    How long does it take to get to where you are?
    Your alter ego

  11. Ginger Flake says:

    Pearl of Great Wisdom~
    I’m suffering simmering broils whenever I go to meditate.
    Soooooooooooo mad at someone. How do I find peace without indulging my baser inclinations?
    Your trusting friend, Ginger (about to snap)

    • pearl says:

      Dear Ginger Snap,
      You are burning Karma. Feels terrible but will be over soon. Would suggest leaping through trees for relief but that has proven ill advised for some of our human friends.
      Couragio, Ms. Flake. You will prevail.
      Pearl, privy to your future~

  12. The Doctor says:

    Hello. I’m The Doctor. I’m an intelligent and logical guy that has been studying at a great high school and I have eminent goals in mind, but I was watching television when I came across one of my favorite comedy shows. The first video I saw was entitled “Proper Opossum Pedicure”. Out of instinct, I cautiously searched the web for the video. I found this website and it has sent me into a literal spiraling vacuum of confusion upon arriving. Can you please clarify to me what the intention of this website is? It appears to be either an advice column for the insane or a cult of some sort, as I have seen evidence of both. I mean no offense to any of you. I just want a clear and justified answer…
    Thanks, The Doctor

  13. Emillia says:

    Hi, i am Emillia and i am just wondering if the tips here also work for other animals, if yes, can you breed an opossum with a cat? I know, it sounds crazy.

  14. Leanpapa says:

    Are you on that good kush and alcohol?
    Also how did you find your human after your squirell days?

    • pearl says:

      Maybe~
      What’s good kush?
      Was well settled into my human’s head before I left the plane so very little changed for her. There was no ‘finding’ necessary because there was no ‘losing’. And so it shall be for you.
      Pearl the Omniscient

  15. Zarathustra says:

    On some occasions I feel a little squirrely myself. Does this mean I could be developing foresight, hindsight and/or second sight? Some people have said that I am a sight. What do you think they could mean? Anxiously awaiting your sage observations.

    • pearl says:

      Hello Zarathustra,
      Our sage observation is that your true question is not yet formulated. Meditate until you know what it is that you seek, then ask and we will shed all kinds of cool neon light and wisdom upon you.
      Ooommmmm.
      Pearlie Krishna Mae

  16. Tyam says:

    Pearl
    Where did you get your opossum? Whats its name and age? Are you a mystic or psychic or on medication for menal illness? I just dont know based on your videos if your ill or just having fun. Either way they entertain us.
    Thanks please know i mean no offence just asking what others wont.
    Tyam

  17. Pearl's Apossum says:

    Almighty Pearl,
    When asked out on a date, how do you politely say no I don’t really want to go anywhere with you because I feel uncomfortable?
    Your Fellow Sexy Squirrel,
    Pearl’s Apossum

  18. Jessica says:

    My roommate and I think there’s a spirit in our room! It’s been making sounds and messing with the lock on our door!

    What do we do Pearl?

    • pearl says:

      Odd, Jessica~
      Ordinarily a lock would be of little interest to a spirit.
      Are the sounds kind of chatterry? It might be Ratty and Jay Jay from Maryland.They’ve been considering crossing over but they are very young souls and could easily get sidetracked. Here’s a trick few know; New spirits leave tracks, so-sprinkle flour all over the area where you hear the noises and by next morning you should know what you have. If it’s a flamingo you’ll know you are blessed with good luck and a prosperous new year.
      You’re welcome.
      P

  19. sincerely yours says:

    I have fallen in love with a man whose parents do not want us to be together because we do not have the same beliefs and we are not the same ethnicity. I have tried to reach out to them, but they fake illness so that they won’t speak to me, or to make their son feel guilty. We are grown adults, and should be able to make our own decisions, yet they hold us hostage by their prejudices and ignorance. I am so desperate for a solution or any idea on how to solve this.

    • pearl says:

      Dear Sincerely Yours,
      You have written your own solution. You say ” We are grown adults, and should be able to make our own decisions”. Well, you ARE able to make your own decisions and it seems that you are deciding to be held hostage by his parent’s prejudices. MAKE ANOTHER DECISION. His parents are not responsible for your happiness, YOU are. If he loves you back then be together. His parents will come around or they won’t. All you can do is stay loving and keep the welcome mat out and dusted. If, however, the gentlemale in question is choosing his parents over you (and there may be good reason for this), then move on, my friend.So much love and life awaits you. Never stay stuck, says Pearl, says Pearl, la de da, lala, la de da, lala

  20. Maddy says:

    So if I decide to donate to ME Pearl (still not understanding this whole shebang), I would be giving money to a dead squirrel?

  21. Maddy says:

    Me again. Hold on, I haven’t made a choice yet. What would a dead squirrel be doing with my money?

    • pearl says:

      Well, it wouldn’t be your money any more, would it?
      Keeping up the empire, wildlife rehabilitation, more hoarding, squirrel spa day, making the world a better place, pretty much whatever I deem prudent.
      Donate in perfect love and perfect trust and then just leave the financial details up to ME.
      Give with no expectation of return and you will know Squirrel. And you might get a mug, but don’t count on it.
      It’s best not to over-think these things.
      P de W

  22. Jake From State Farm says:

    PEARL! Can I just say! You are inspiring!!! I love you! Your works are amazing and I would love to see more videos!!! Any tips on getting my first opossum?
    IN THE NAME OF PEARL!
    Audrie

    • MEpearl says:

      Thanks, Audrie
      Tip # 1 on getting your first opossum: Don’t.
      Instead you could volunteer at your local wildlife sanctuary and learn to care for many species, like the best one; squirrels.
      opxopxopxopx
      Pearl

  23. Toni says:

    Oh dear god, please tell me this is for real! This is the greatest thing I’ve seen all month!

  24. Natlyrace says:

    Hello!
    I am starting college in a few weeks and was wondering if you had any advice for adjusting to a new environment.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey Grace,
      Keep plenty of nerds by your side and nuts in your pocket.
      Never forget that you will long remember the choices you make now and their consequences. Be kind and be careful.
      Let Nature be your cherished teacher. Spend time with those who make their home in trees. We know stuff.
      Keep ME posted, Pal!

      ME Pearl, when a parent just isn’t enough

  25. NoOneLovesMe says:

    Dearest MEPearl,

    I desperately need a new female since my last one left me for her roommate. She was the only lover I’ve ever had and now that she’s gone I feel broken and unable to find a new lover. I am 20 years of age and am an innocent virgin. It’s embarrassing when people ask me when I lost my virginity and I have to lie or else be ridiculed. How do I acquire a female? I need love.. and loving.

    Sincerely, N1LM

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear No One Loves Me,
      You’re probably right.
      Pearl loves you, but only because she has to. Otherwise, you’re on your own, kid.
      Pearl, the All Loving

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