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Posted By: Admin on February 23, 2010 in - Comments: 336 Comments »

Pearl of Wisdom loves you, in her fashion. And you love Pearl.  SURPRISE!

You are to be congratulated on finding this site. This is where Pearl of Wisdom explains it all for you. When All Else Fails, ASK PEARL. Write in with your own concerns or simply read Pearl’s advice to others. It all comes to the same As The Tail Ends.

Love offerings welcome.

You will know when the time is right. Meanwhile, tell Pearl what is on your heart. Talk to ME. Pearl of Compassion understands all things and will respond. ASK PEARL now!

Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice. Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

Due to overwhelming popular demand, by readers who don’t have a clue what is going on here, I am including a brief temporal autobiography of ME, Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria.

I AM A DEAD SQUIRREL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING and pines to share it with YOU. I lived for 10 years as a non-releasable in So. Cal, and gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French. Plus, I  absorbed vast amounts of information through my 7 senses, tuned beyond anything you can yet imagine. And the rest I make up.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern psychic squirrel.
Croaking only increased my power and lovability factor.
You can ASK PEARL anything. Confide in ME, Gentle Reader; unburden your soul. Pearl wants to hear from you, NOW.
BTW~
The big pink human who was my earthly caregiver and is now my channeler is, to put it kindly, a bit of an albatross. I listen to Seth and Abraham complaining but HA! their challenge is nothing compared to ….well, don’t get ME started. Just write to ME. Every category gives you the opportunity. Pick your favorite, or visit them all, and let’s get to know each other.

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336 Blessed Comments

  1. Cartesia Brown says:

    God Bless Peach the Possom. P.s. I am wondering which sauce my possom, Cantaloupe, would like best with his chicken liver patee food? He is getting frisky when eating it and I need a way to spice it up for him. If you could help that would be fab.
    IN THE NAME OF PEACH,
    Cartesia

    • pearl says:

      Cartesia is a spectacular name!!! All hail Cartesia.
      And Peach appreciates the blessings.
      We are having trouble believing in Cantaloupe, however.
      Thank you for connecting. Pearl loves you.

  2. Corinne Hunter says:

    I am 13 years old and I have a crush on a boy. Should I tell him or have him make the first move?

    • pearl says:

      Hey, Corinne~
      So much depends on what species you are.
      Watch to see if the male in question becomes more beautiful than you. If you are humans, forget it. Any other species and your crush has been answered.
      If you are a squirrel, however, don’t count on attracting too much at age 13.
      Good luck, my friend~
      The Big P

      • napoleon bonaparte says:

        Gentle lovelorn one,

        Lo these many moments ago [yesterday to be exact], I gave sage advice to one of so tender an age as yourself. I said, “Oh, beautiful one, do you not know that the human male does not grow a brain until (at the earliest) the age of 21. Concentrate on school and teaching Russian to your cat. You will find it so much more fulfilling.”

  3. Wolfgang says:

    Pearl, how can we come to be aware of our innate love for you in all our moments? We feel you in moments of reverie and despair, but can your grace be realized in the mundane?

    • pearl says:

      Wolfgang!
      You ask enlightened questions, my friend and follower. Your innate knowingness has alerted you to the reality that the prescient and preternatural Pearl is simply not crazy about the mundane.
      If you must traverse those paths you must go it alone and graceless. Ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” Remember that ‘A day without Pearl is …well, it isn’t a day at all, is it?’ Before getting drawn down the dark road of dull, think of ME and do something spectacular!
      You’re welcome.
      The Priceless Pearl

      • Wolfgang says:

        The Pearls wisdom is indeed limitless. The mundane seems to be merely a shroud for the overwhelming brilliance of existence. I suppose we couldn’t function if we experienced all of our moments to their full glory, but the glimpses and the knowledge that there is far more concealed beneath the curtain makes me truly grateful for Pearl.

        • pearl says:

          Yes, yes, yes, Wolfgang,
          I am all that and more. Now tell Pearlie Mae what’s chewing on your toes.
          Pearl, the Sourse of all answers wise, and other-wise

          • Wolfgang says:

            The omniscience of the Pearl once again astounds me. Toes are indeed the source of all my unease, but not my toes. I find that I cannot reconcile the feet of chickens, I cannot accept reptilian feet in concert with feathers. It doesn’t bother me in other birds, only chickens.

  4. HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom says:

    Hello dear, sweet ME Pearl.
    The following question is regarding a problem I have and have had since age 10. Please don’t laugh or poke fun. It regards a fetish I have. Since age 10, I have fantasized about being shrunk. I attempt to bring up shrinking in conversations with strangers or relatives, usually my mother or her mother. I record conversations with said grandmother to aid in.. gratifying myself at a later time. My question is, what do you think is the cause? Do you think this is unhealthy? If so, what can I do to stop? If this is obscene I apologize. I need wisdom on the matter, and I hope you can offer said wisdom.

    • pearl says:

      How old are you now, HeWho?
      The obvious cause is your longing to be a squirrel, which is perfectly normal and a sign of superior intelligence.
      The problem arises when faced with the reality that you are NOT a squirrel (I presume).
      Rent the film “Honey I Shrunk the Kids”. It’s fraught with the perils that your shrunken little self would face. BTW, you’re grandmother is probably taping the same conversations for the same purpose, herself. I’ve seen it before.
      Have a nice day, HeWho, and thank you for writing in.
      The P

      • HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom says:

        Dear, MEPearl
        I am currently 19-years-old. Forgive me, but I do not believe I wish to be a squerrel (not consciously, anyway). I have seen the film Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, in fact, it’s what I normally bring up to strangers to get them on the subject. I have brought up the movie twice, and both times it was successful in conjuring conversation on the matter. One with my English professor, one with the manager of the local plasma clinic. On an unrelated topic, is it ok for me to ask you a large number of questions? I have so many to ask you, oh great ME Pearl. Love your’s and Ms. Spelvin’s videos.

        • pearl says:

          Hi HeWho,
          Not a large number, no. Being OverSquirrel of this and all planets is time consuming and labor intensive. Pearl loves you but, you know…….Start with the most dire and we’ll fix that right on up. Then you may feel spiritually complete. I have that effect of folks.
          Your Pal, Pearl

  5. Jules Higmann says:

    Pearl,
    My boyfriend, Travis (Trav), and I have been going out for 7 months now. I thought we were both in love and very committed… But… My friend, Dana said she and her beau Matt were at the mall and saw Trav with a girl I don’t know! Should I believe Dana? Should I confront Trav? Should I break up with him? Prom is around the corner and I don’t know what to do about the boyfriend situation!
    Please respond ASAP!
    <3 you and your videos,
    Jules

    • pearl says:

      Dear Jules,
      There are sisters and cousins and friends and mentorees and personal shopping advisors (perhaps he’s looking for a gift for you) and countless reasons to be seen in a mall traveling with Travis. Besides which the great and powerful Pearl suggests that he doesn’t need a reason to be seen in public with not you.
      Are you really willing to deny yourself the right and freedom to be in a mall with another boy under any circumstance that you deem prudent? Really?
      Pearl implores you to think this through.
      If he wants to go to the prom with you and you want to go with him then GO, by all means. Although why you wouldn’t prefer zip lining through some glorious majestic deciduous forest is a mystery.
      Did you know there is a famous ‘suicide forest’ in Japan? Don’t go there. That would make a really bad date.
      Pearls to Ponder

  6. HeWhoSeeksPearl'sWisdom says:

    Oh, great and powerful ME Pearl.
    This question is in regards to my need to make money vs. my grandmother’s wishes. Twice a week, I donate plasma to attain a total of $65. However, my grandmother has asked me not to as she thinks it’s dangerous. My problem is I have fines and other expenses I need to pay. Should I proceed to donate plasma for $ or disobey my grandmother? I need the money, but experience tells me that disobeying my grandmother will have dire consequences.
    Your affectionate knowledge seeker,
    HeWho.

    • pearl says:

      O.K., HeWho, Here’s the skinny~
      You and your grandmother have a long and complex relationship going back millennia. In doing a brief scan I see that some unpleasantries in Troy during the 11th century BCE may leave her still wanting some of those platelets for herself. Don’t ask. But do offer her first dibs on your blood and you may turn a prettier profit than expected. You’re welcome. And no, your family is no stranger than any other.
      Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.
      ME Pearl

  7. AServantOfPearl says:

    Oh great and powerful MEPearl,
    I wish to please you. I wish to dedicate my life to you as one dedicates their life to a deity. I wish to be the source of your greatest happiness. I wish to write songs about you. I wish to paint you. Though I know no form of art may even remotely capture your greatness. How can I please you, oh MEPearl? From this point on, my body exists to be your instrument of servitude!

    • pearl says:

      Of course you do and Bully! But let’s look at a few specifics.
      “I wish to dedicate my life to you as one dedicates their life to a deity.” This is redundant.
      “I wish to be the source of your greatest happiness.” Well, dear, only I can be that, don’t you know.
      “How can I please you, oh ME Pearl?” Use sending $ as the default. People tend to get peevish on that point but when one is bold enough to ask the question Pearl can be no less than omnihonest.

      Yes, yes, I do inspire art and literature and music and why not choreograph me a ballet at some point? You certainly have the right idea. Double Bully! Bully! Bully!
      Your body offering is swell but I’ll require your psyche as well, capisce?
      In for a penny, in for a pound, tra la tra la.
      Welcome dedicant.
      And if you ever need anything, anything at all, just work it out.
      Your everything~
      ME

  8. Lost and not found says:

    I myself have gnawed my way through most of a Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary and around the edges of a LaRousse Spanish/French and find myself less enlightened (and, oddly, slightly more hungry) than pre-gnawing. Is there a more specific recipe for enlightenment for mere mortal humans, or are we doomed as a species?

    • pearl says:

      Less enlightened, perhaps, but when you speak in a foreign language, or simply a foreign accent, the content value of the palaver is, well, almost inconsequential, n’est pas?

      You are not doomed as a species but your position on the food chain is due for revision. Tous les animaux du monde rire et rire et rire .
      Pearlie Mae suggests you add hickory and watercress to your diet. And STRAWBERRIES. We intuit you would benefit by consuming large quantities of strawberries. Don’t argue.
      Your Pal P

  9. IridescentLamb says:

    Oh hey gwurl!

    MePearl, we call upon you to pilgrimage to the motherland, Williamsburg, VA. There are many of our kind here, and by our kind I mean squirrels. We need you to lead us to overthrow the greedy pink humans that dwell here. Also, what is your favorite song? Also how do you throw dinner parties? Thanks again and hope to see you soon!

    P.S. Also, where do you think my path in life will lead me?
    P.S.S How will I do on my MCAT?

    Sincerely,

    Yours truly,

    IridescentLamb (aka Iri)

    • pearl says:

      Williamsburg VA? Maybe. I have a beloved, Stockton DuPres, who still haunts Kentucky. He’s dedicated to overthrowing greedy pink humans. I simply wait until they make their transition and then, well, you don’t want to know…..
      We don’t care how you do on your MCAT. We would prefer that you take a VCAT or, wiser still, a WVCAT. ME Pearl will help you with the rodentia section.
      I was featured in a recently published book entitled ‘A Home For Pearl Squirrel’ by Amy C Johnson, which explains why I never give dinner parties.
      Thank you for asking and inviting. Your pal Pearl

  10. pearl says:

    Hey Pearl~
    How long does it take to get to where you are?
    Your alter ego

  11. Ginger Flake says:

    Pearl of Great Wisdom~
    I’m suffering simmering broils whenever I go to meditate.
    Soooooooooooo mad at someone. How do I find peace without indulging my baser inclinations?
    Your trusting friend, Ginger (about to snap)

    • pearl says:

      Dear Ginger Snap,
      You are burning Karma. Feels terrible but will be over soon. Would suggest leaping through trees for relief but that has proven ill advised for some of our human friends.
      Couragio, Ms. Flake. You will prevail.
      Pearl, privy to your future~

  12. The Doctor says:

    Hello. I’m The Doctor. I’m an intelligent and logical guy that has been studying at a great high school and I have eminent goals in mind, but I was watching television when I came across one of my favorite comedy shows. The first video I saw was entitled “Proper Opossum Pedicure”. Out of instinct, I cautiously searched the web for the video. I found this website and it has sent me into a literal spiraling vacuum of confusion upon arriving. Can you please clarify to me what the intention of this website is? It appears to be either an advice column for the insane or a cult of some sort, as I have seen evidence of both. I mean no offense to any of you. I just want a clear and justified answer…
    Thanks, The Doctor

  13. Emillia says:

    Hi, i am Emillia and i am just wondering if the tips here also work for other animals, if yes, can you breed an opossum with a cat? I know, it sounds crazy.

  14. Leanpapa says:

    Are you on that good kush and alcohol?
    Also how did you find your human after your squirell days?

    • pearl says:

      Maybe~
      What’s good kush?
      Was well settled into my human’s head before I left the plane so very little changed for her. There was no ‘finding’ necessary because there was no ‘losing’. And so it shall be for you.
      Pearl the Omniscient

  15. Zarathustra says:

    On some occasions I feel a little squirrely myself. Does this mean I could be developing foresight, hindsight and/or second sight? Some people have said that I am a sight. What do you think they could mean? Anxiously awaiting your sage observations.

    • pearl says:

      Hello Zarathustra,
      Our sage observation is that your true question is not yet formulated. Meditate until you know what it is that you seek, then ask and we will shed all kinds of cool neon light and wisdom upon you.
      Ooommmmm.
      Pearlie Krishna Mae

  16. Tyam says:

    Pearl
    Where did you get your opossum? Whats its name and age? Are you a mystic or psychic or on medication for menal illness? I just dont know based on your videos if your ill or just having fun. Either way they entertain us.
    Thanks please know i mean no offence just asking what others wont.
    Tyam

  17. Pearl's Apossum says:

    Almighty Pearl,
    When asked out on a date, how do you politely say no I don’t really want to go anywhere with you because I feel uncomfortable?
    Your Fellow Sexy Squirrel,
    Pearl’s Apossum

  18. Jessica says:

    My roommate and I think there’s a spirit in our room! It’s been making sounds and messing with the lock on our door!

    What do we do Pearl?

    • pearl says:

      Odd, Jessica~
      Ordinarily a lock would be of little interest to a spirit.
      Are the sounds kind of chatterry? It might be Ratty and Jay Jay from Maryland.They’ve been considering crossing over but they are very young souls and could easily get sidetracked. Here’s a trick few know; New spirits leave tracks, so-sprinkle flour all over the area where you hear the noises and by next morning you should know what you have. If it’s a flamingo you’ll know you are blessed with good luck and a prosperous new year.
      You’re welcome.
      P

  19. sincerely yours says:

    I have fallen in love with a man whose parents do not want us to be together because we do not have the same beliefs and we are not the same ethnicity. I have tried to reach out to them, but they fake illness so that they won’t speak to me, or to make their son feel guilty. We are grown adults, and should be able to make our own decisions, yet they hold us hostage by their prejudices and ignorance. I am so desperate for a solution or any idea on how to solve this.

    • pearl says:

      Dear Sincerely Yours,
      You have written your own solution. You say ” We are grown adults, and should be able to make our own decisions”. Well, you ARE able to make your own decisions and it seems that you are deciding to be held hostage by his parent’s prejudices. MAKE ANOTHER DECISION. His parents are not responsible for your happiness, YOU are. If he loves you back then be together. His parents will come around or they won’t. All you can do is stay loving and keep the welcome mat out and dusted. If, however, the gentlemale in question is choosing his parents over you (and there may be good reason for this), then move on, my friend.So much love and life awaits you. Never stay stuck, says Pearl, says Pearl, la de da, lala, la de da, lala

  20. Maddy says:

    So if I decide to donate to ME Pearl (still not understanding this whole shebang), I would be giving money to a dead squirrel?

  21. Maddy says:

    Me again. Hold on, I haven’t made a choice yet. What would a dead squirrel be doing with my money?

    • pearl says:

      Well, it wouldn’t be your money any more, would it?
      Keeping up the empire, wildlife rehabilitation, more hoarding, squirrel spa day, making the world a better place, pretty much whatever I deem prudent.
      Donate in perfect love and perfect trust and then just leave the financial details up to ME.
      Give with no expectation of return and you will know Squirrel. And you might get a mug, but don’t count on it.
      It’s best not to over-think these things.
      P de W

  22. Jake From State Farm says:

    PEARL! Can I just say! You are inspiring!!! I love you! Your works are amazing and I would love to see more videos!!! Any tips on getting my first opossum?
    IN THE NAME OF PEARL!
    Audrie

    • MEpearl says:

      Thanks, Audrie
      Tip # 1 on getting your first opossum: Don’t.
      Instead you could volunteer at your local wildlife sanctuary and learn to care for many species, like the best one; squirrels.
      opxopxopxopx
      Pearl

  23. Toni says:

    Oh dear god, please tell me this is for real! This is the greatest thing I’ve seen all month!

  24. Natlyrace says:

    Hello!
    I am starting college in a few weeks and was wondering if you had any advice for adjusting to a new environment.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey Grace,
      Keep plenty of nerds by your side and nuts in your pocket.
      Never forget that you will long remember the choices you make now and their consequences. Be kind and be careful.
      Let Nature be your cherished teacher. Spend time with those who make their home in trees. We know stuff.
      Keep ME posted, Pal!

      ME Pearl, when a parent just isn’t enough

  25. NoOneLovesMe says:

    Dearest MEPearl,

    I desperately need a new female since my last one left me for her roommate. She was the only lover I’ve ever had and now that she’s gone I feel broken and unable to find a new lover. I am 20 years of age and am an innocent virgin. It’s embarrassing when people ask me when I lost my virginity and I have to lie or else be ridiculed. How do I acquire a female? I need love.. and loving.

    Sincerely, N1LM

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear No One Loves Me,
      You’re probably right.
      Pearl loves you, but only because she has to. Otherwise, you’re on your own, kid.
      Pearl, the All Loving

  26. Hank says:

    Hi :> “Never forget that you will long remember the choices you make now and their consequences. Be kind and be careful.” I had to reply after reading that to say you are one beautiful wise being! that helped me more than you know….thanks :>

  27. Gregorio Armeni says:

    New videos… WHEN?!

  28. What should I do if I run over a opossum on the road?

  29. Shannon says:

    Hi pearl! I was wondering what the name of your religion is? I’m so interested in you and your beliefs!
    -thanks!

  30. Samantha says:

    Hello Pearl, I think the website you have your clothing merchandise for sale on is closing. Will there be another place to get MEpearl merchandise from soon?

    • MEpearl says:

      Thank you for alerting ME, Samantha.
      It shall be attended to at the earliest opportunity.
      Just what ME Pearl merchandise interests you? The ME Pearl Empire must be ever expanding and we are pleased with your reminder.
      Pearl the Appreciative

  31. ChrisPolitoFanSquad says:

    I think I feel myself slowly turning into a marsupial. What is the best course of action?

    • MEpearl says:

      Breath and Allow~
      Breath and Allow~
      But remember, Squirrels have more fun. Just sayin’

      “Be a Squirrel
      Be a Squirrel
      All the world loves a Squirrel…”
      Your Pal, Pearl

  32. ChrisPolitoFanSquad says:

    Also, I love you.

  33. xXNOAHVIVA le meme VIDA SWAGLORDXx says:

    Ive been watching all of your videos for a while now and I really like your stuff, but the other day I was driving and I hit a small animal…what do I do now? What is life?

  34. Ellen says:

    Hello pearl! I’ve spent my entire day watching your videos and it really gave me new energy. I have a tiny puppy named paula dean and I’m worried because my mom is threating to give him away. I need to find a safe place for us! Thank you!love,
    Ellen

    • MEpearl says:

      I’d recommend running off to Louisiana. It’s kinda tough with the swamps and gators but your dog’s name might carry some clout.
      Good Luck.
      Peal the Compassionate

  35. Audrey says:

    Hello Pearl!
    I am in 9th grade and I really like this boy his name is Sammy he’s really cute and has loads of friends… I don’t have any friends so it’s hard enough to talk to regular people let alone Sammy! Do you have any advice about talking to people? I don’t have any animal friends because my mom is allergic to fur. I’m completely alone and my grades aren’t that good eaither. My parents are divorced and my relationship with them is horrible, I never even talk to my dad anymore and my brother just god in a horrible car crash. I don’t know what to do, I’m always sad but your videos make me happy so thank you for that. Anyways do you have any advice on how to be happy?
    Thanks :)

    • MEpearl says:

      Audry ! Audry! Audry!
      The first thing you must do is change your email name. Anytime you see or think of it you are diminished. Choose a powerful, lofty, squirrel-worthy name to represent you.
      As to getting on with people; rule 1) Have an exit plan, 2) DON’T BITE 3) Ask questions and let them do all the talking while you eat their food.
      Your mom may be able to tolerate poodles or Chinese Crested Temple dogs or hairless cats or the ever so delightful hairless rats. Animal companions are core to you humans.
      My true love is also named Sammy, if you don’t count that scoundrel Stockton du Pres. It’s a treacherous thing to give your heart to the male of the species.
      Pearl says don’t. Wait for the heart that is offered to you.
      Find the most fun thing at school (like carpentry, or woodworking) and throw yourself into that. Friends will appear when you’re having fun.
      Take comfort in the knowledge that this may well be the worst year of your life.
      You will prevail, dear one. I feel your connection to Source. Write ME anytime.
      Pearl Loves you and understands that your heart is about to be broken~

  36. eleanor donnellan says:

    Hello wonderful pearl , I have a serious issue that only You can answer … I’m writing all the way from Ireland. All my life I’ve wanted to meet an opossum but unfortunately they don’t reside in this country.I was wondering if you would know the closest place to meet an opossum. Ps,my cat thinks he’s human and won’t accept that he’s a cat.

    • MEpearl says:

      Greetings Wonderful Irish Eleanor,
      The Key to Happiness is lowered expectations. You may quote me on that.I suggest that you settle for a badger or an Irish otter.
      When you’re not near the one you love, love the one you’re near…and all that.
      Pearl Loves you~

  37. 0possumluvr23 says:

    plz take christmas glamour shots with pear

    may the pearl be with u

    • MEpearl says:

      Sadly the shot would not be very glamorous. Sweet Pear has passed over the Rainbow Bridge and come home to ME. But we all celebrate Yule on both sides of the veil and all is sure to be merry.
      Pearl of the Seasons

  38. Cat says:

    You are my idol

    • MEpearl says:

      Back attcha, Pussycat!
      Now listen up; no more hunting and stalking and hurting My Belovededs.
      Are you a super-smart cat who can help me solve a problem for the ages?
      Eons ago as I was sharing the creation of creation with others of like-mind (or so I thought) there were too many cooks in the kitchen.
      Somebody came up with the idea of a food chain. Worst idea EVER! Have been waiting for it to pass.
      Pearl wants all happiness for all beings. What delights the feline palate that doesn’t want to get away? Parsley and roasted pepper? Pommegranates?
      Please taste test a variety of options and design a menu for the most discerning of felines.
      When in doubt add a soupcon of pecan puree. That should be added to ‘Rules to Live By’.
      Your
      Pearl

  39. Jessica a.k.a "emerald dragon" says:

    Oh magnificent wondrous pearl,
    I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a pickle. You see, I have a big report to do for college and I’m having trouble concentrating due to my opossums new infatuation with the neighbour’s mongoose. You guide me through this earthly life pearl, please bestow your wisdom upon me.
    Sincerely, Emerald Dragon.

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey E. Dragon,
      Reframe your report to make the desired argument through the eyes of a mongoose.
      This is a time honored tradition, especially in Bolivia, and will hold you in good stead through the remainder of your education.
      Beware of overuse.
      The P

  40. Dog says:

    this is dog.

  41. Violet Blac says:

    I have loved your videos more than anything that exists on youtube. Will you be making more?

    • MEpearl says:

      Thank you, Violet~
      We are very much looking forward to making more videos when the time is right and resources are in place.
      Everything revolves around the love of Pearl. EVERYTHING.
      Your appreciation is key to our continuance, as it is to yours. I hope you express appreciation every time you recognize something or someone as adding value to your life. Doing so serves to make the whole world better and to make you an increasingly powerful Being.
      Wishing you much light and a multitude of wild squirrels to brighten your days.
      Pearl loves you~

  42. Laurel, Pressley, Peyton, Tori says:

    dear Georgette,
    we have watched all of your videos and we worship you. We saw you had Pearl pajamas, and we truly want to know where to get them! please don’t stop making videos! forget the haters, do your thing girl:) say hey to Apples for us!
    Sincerely,
    your biggest fans

    • MEpearl says:

      Thank you, Ladies,
      But please do not worship me, Georgette. Pearl is She who Must Be Worshiped.
      It’s pretty frightening otherwise.
      As dictated to ME Pearl, who manages the comments~
      So wake up and taste the almond paste!
      ME Pearl has an empire to fill. Don’t get sidetracked by a pretty face, a pair of fangs and a fat rat tail. Possums are only the come-on.
      Squirrel is the Essence of Everything. If you don’t believe ME, ask ME.
      Pearl

  43. Steve Koc says:

    love your videos, just discovered them, too late for your contest but had to submit:
    Possum Haiku

    Djembe and Opossum
    The D and O are silent
    or are they really

  44. scallion says:

    Pearl,
    I’m really struggling with my faith at the moment…I really want to ask you if you’ve seen the face of God? Does it rain in heaven? How can I know I am a true apostle?

    • MEpearl says:

      Oh dear,
      I fear you really do not know where you’ve landed.
      The only apostles around here are apostles of Pearl
      Please come back when you’ve stopped struggling and are ready to play.

      Pearl with a fabulous face and a foot and a few layers of fat.

  45. Curren says:

    I am struggling with my dog. She like the cat next door and not me. MePearl HELP me I need guidance
    HAIL MEPEARL!!!

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey James~
      What does the cat have that you don’t, besides the attentions of your dog?
      Is it an aloof attitude? An easy purrrrr? A half eaten mouse under the door mat? Cats are tough competition. You must enter their world, play by their rules, beat them at their own game. Ha Ha Hahahahaha Hee hee heeheehee Hic hic
      Good luck with that.
      Professor Pearl

  46. Rivers says:

    Dear Pearl, I was wondering if you still sold shirts? I have shown your videos to many friends who also wish to purchase shirts. Thank you for your eternal wisdom and entertainment. sincerely, Rivers.

    • MEpearl says:

      A duplicate answer to a duplicate question from one of life’s true originals.

      Even though Pearl is perfect, her minions are not and that Georgette~ don’t get me started.
      Seems our merchandising outlet collapsed and we are busily scurrying about manifesting another.
      You should be able to wear ME (and drink from ME and write with ME) before this season’s babies are out of the nest.
      No fair shaking the trees!
      Pearl, setting all things right, one solar system at a time

  47. Wanderer says:

    Hello there Pearl.

    I am wondering what you would do in my shoes. I am not sure weather to go down the road less traveled or the road thats easier.

    Thanks xoxo
    Wanderer

    • MEpearl says:

      Greetings Wanderer,
      You are wise in understanding that much depends on your shoes.
      Open toed stilettos or flip flops definitely beg the road that’s easier.
      Let ME know where you wander on your road to ME.
      All roads lead to Pearl, eventually.

  48. Veronica says:

    Pearl I was wondering if you could help me. I am in love with a certain chipmunk who comes on my deck every night. How do I get myself to reincarnate as a chipmunk so we can be together??

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear dear Veronica,
      I urge you to think this through.
      By the time you have managed a chipmunk incarnation (no easy peasy, that), your chipmunk friend will likely be a water ox in the Mei Cong Delta.
      Enjoy your time together on the deck sharing almonds and blueberries. It doesn’t get better than that.

      All good things are coming your way if you just relax and allow it.
      Pearl the Prescient

  49. Saaaanuuuuuteeeerium says:

    Mirror stares back hard
    “KILL”, it’s such a friendly word
    Seems the only waaaay
    For reaching out AGAIN!!

    • MEpearl says:

      Try it as a Haiku.
      You’d be surprised how that process tends to clarify your thinking for yourself, those around you, and ME, presuming you are seeking a response.
      Pearl, Fearless Interpreter

      • Saaaanuuuuuteeeerium says:

        Fear of living on,
        Natives getting restless now,
        Mutiny in the air,
        Got some death to do

        • MEpearl says:

          Delete ‘Mutiny in the air’ (it’s mildly redundant, anyway) and you have a fine Haiku.
          Congratulations!
          Pearl, here to inspire the poet in all of you!

          • Saaaanuuuuuteeeerium says:

            Moon is full, never seems to change
            Just labeled mentally deranged.
            Dream the same thing every night,
            I see our freedom in my sights.
            No locked doors, no windows barred,
            No things to make my brain seem scarred,
            They keep me locked up in this cage,
            Can’t they see it’s why my BRAIN says “RAGE”?

            • MEpearl says:

              Dear Lullaby of Screams,
              The current rage is to engage
              with ancient sages kept in cages
              well defined within the limits of your mind.

              You will escape or die
              before the next new moon in Gemini.
              Or not.

  50. Carravaggio says:

    The old guy downstairs thinks we’re just a group of “entitled college chicks” and we’re quickly approaching finals, do you have any sage advice for how to confront this incoming storm?

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Carravagio,
      No sage advice for confronting the storm, only for averting it.
      How does he even know you are there?
      Sounds like damage control time.
      Bake him a lovely nut souffle and leave it at his door with a card apologizing for past annoyances and promising to study quietly henceforth.
      The storm you foresee is the storm you are creating, like Prospero in Julie Taymore’s Tempest (not just any ol’ Prospero).
      Don’t do it. Look at the bigger picture with a squirrel’s eye view. What is your goal, Carrivagio? How can it manifest to the honor of all?
      Nobody appreciates a good entitled college chick better than ME. You are loved, my darlings, unconditionally!
      Your foe will collapse under kindness. They all do.
      Your Pal Pearl

  51. chicago mike says:

    i am very attracted to your intelligence, beauty and wisdom. I would like to become your favorite trusted assistant. I am handsome, smart and extremely capable of completing any tasks u assign to me.

    • MEpearl says:

      You’re a squirrel, right?
      ‘Cause otherwise, it’s a little weird.

      Cordially,
      Pearl de Wisdom, g.g.p.e. (Grand Golden Poobah of Everything)

  52. ashley says:

    Wise Pearl of All Oceans,

    please help me!!
    how can I try to get myself to reincarnate as one of your loyal slaves, someone who shall be able to directly serve you at all times!!!!?

    your servant always,
    Ashley!

    • MEpearl says:

      Well, Ashley, you are consistent.
      Answered a similar request from you on 5-24-13.
      Don’t go to the trouble of trying to get yourself to reincarnate as something … Not gonna happen. Just BE the thing, like my slave.
      Good choice.
      First task is to go about the world encouraging wild habitat conservation and discouraging hunting and the ill-gotten gains that result.
      If that works well come back for your next assignment.

      Your Mistress and Queen,
      Pearl

  53. Poobah says:

    I’m starting to believe that squirrels are extremely attractive. Whenever I see one, my flatulence increases and I let it all out. How do I deal with being infatuated with such majestic creatures?

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey Poobah,
      Did you mean to say ‘inflatulated’?
      Haha hahahaha hee hee Ho ho hic hic hic.
      Pearl loves a good word-play.
      P.

  54. Lafondarhonda says:

    Help I have rabies

    • MEpearl says:

      Don’t look at ME.
      Can’t pin it on a possum.
      Any chance it was self inflicted? You’d be surprised how often that happens.
      If that’s the case, take three crickets and write ME in the morning.
      Dr. Pearl, on your case

  55. Peyton and tori says:

    pearl,
    what is your thoughts on georgette?

    • MEpearl says:

      Not happy. Not happy at all. Georgette is unworthy of ME, expect that’s clear. She seems to be the only one who can hear ME so I’m stuck. Well, there was this punk rocker who dropped acid in the 60’s but he was missing most of my subtleties. Pearl is nothing if not nuanced.
      Why do you ask, Peyton and Tori?
      Are you candidate channelers? Oooh Oooh, that’s exciting!
      Pearl, Prophet with a wonky voice

  56. Whoopi G says:

    Lord Pearl,

    Are you running for president? And, where can I find cheap acorns?

    • MEpearl says:

      Hey Whoopi G~
      President would be a bit of a come-down but you can always think of ME as a write-in.
      Buy the best acorn you can find and plant it.

      Pearl the Pragmatic

  57. Charles Wigman says:

    Dear MePearl, I have a question about your faith.

    Should I follow the teachings of Pearl?

    I love your videos and website
    Sincerely
    -Charles Wigman

  58. Yourandom says:

    What do you do in your spare time?

  59. Bin Pam says:

    Beloved Senorita Pearl,
    how can I avoid dogs

    • MEpearl says:

      That rather depends on what you are, Bin~
      If squirrel, stay high.
      If sea creature, little problem.
      If human, why would you?
      The great Pearl is baffled.
      Rescue ME, Bin

  60. Vanessa says:

    Dear Pearl,

    I am like your number one fan, but is this whole dead squirrel cult thing legit??? I thought it was but my bro says you’re just a genius comedian. I really want to know!!!

    • MEpearl says:

      Dear Vanessa,
      First, thank your bro~
      Then come into mes furry wee bras, Petite Chou. Let Mama Squirrel embrace you.
      Not only is ME Pearl ‘legit’, it is Truth, itself.
      Look within and know that it is true. Tithe and validate that knowledge.

      Getting back to the comedienne remark…
      Most folk don’t think of dead squirrels as particularly funny.
      But your bro, now that guy’s en pointe.
      Remember,
      Pearl loves you both~
      Sometimes it’s ALL true.

ASK PEARL

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